Oprah not invited to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ wedding

November 14th, 2006 // 91 Comments

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes arrived in Rome yesterday to prepare for their upcoming wedding over the weekend, but sources have confirmed that Oprah wasn’t invited to the ceremony. Despite being the launching pad for their wacky interstellar relationship, Oprah just didn’t make the cut. She says:

“It’s not that I’m not going. It’s that they had a limited number of people that they could invite. I was not one the invitees. That’s fine. I don’t get invited to everyone’s wedding. I don’t invite them to everything I do. But I wish them the best. I have a great deal of regard for their relationship and so I’m trying to think of what to get them. I don’t know! I was thinking … I’m easier (to shop for) – you can get me a bubble bath I’m okay – but I don’t know what to give them.”

Additionally, Katie Holmes’ alleged new best friend and Tom Cruise’s mortal enemy, Brooke Shields, is set to attend. Which makes absolutely no sense. Unlike their belief in intergalactic space lords. That stuff’s rock solid.


  1. Missallanpoe


  2. Missallanpoe


  3. Missallanpoe


  4. Missallanpoe

    opps…omg im so sorry for the triple post..i just got so excited lol. Anyway..that’s lame she didn’t get invited, but then again she’s lucky..Tom cruise might jump on her big ass from all of the excitment.

  5. nicholelibra

    Great, now your 3 times an asshole.

  6. Missallanpoe

    nicole, go fuck yourself it was an accident =) like your face.

  7. Italian Stallion

    I wouldn’t invite Oprah to a wedding either. Not just because she’s black, but I would want the guest to be able to get at least one plate of food………

  8. RichPort

    Maybe Oprah broke the couch?

  9. slantingthroughdarkness

    No one ever invites Oprah to their wedding. Cause they don’t want the fat cow devouring all the cake.


  10. IFuckingHateYou

    Oprah looks like the pet monkey I used to have – I miss that little fucker.

  11. Poor Oprah, i guess she’ll just have to swim in her money instead.


  12. Missallanpoe

    Maybe Richport….just maybe..

  13. BigJim

    Forget about Oprah the Orca eating all the food. I’d be more worried about her eating the guests.

  14. Stuey75

    lucky #13!!!

    i hope god smites them

  15. jrzmommy

    I wouldn’t invite Oprah to the wedding because she would try to upstage the priest……”You may kiss the BRI-I-I-I-IDE!!!!!!!” in that voice she does when she announces someone onto her show.

  16. Italian Stallion

    @10 Pet monkey? You mean pet Gorilla, right?

  17. Stuey75

    damn you big jim!!! damn you to helll!!!!

  18. Xenu is my copilot.

    Emptywebsite.com-over 200,000 unique hits a day, and not a damn thing on it.

  19. jrzmommy

    …And the Number One Thing We’ll Overhear from Behind the Altar at the TomKat Wedding…..
    “But, Katie, he loves the cock!!!”

  20. NipsyHustle

    i’m sure oprah is sad that she won’t be there to drink the grape Flavor Aid with the rest of the followers.

    she can stay home and watch mars attacks and it’ll be the same as being there in person.

  21. IFuckingHateYou

    #16 – it was a baby gorilla, I liked to call it my monkey, so when it was bad & I had to spank it, it sounded dirty.
    Oprah came to visit one day & my monkey disappeared. i’m not sure if she sat on it, ate it or released it back into the wild, but I’m certain that bitch had something to do with it. Now, whenever I see Oprah, I can’t spank my monkey.

  22. jrzmommy

    I guess my invitation got lost.

  23. PrettyBaby

    #21 Yep, It would not suprise me one bit if they decided it was time to off themselves and their fellow cultees and return to the mothership. You know- if you read about what Scientologists believe it makes you laugh until you realize all the fuckers that believe it!!

    Oprah’s lucky though. But I think Tom was embarassed my the huge jack ass he made of himself on her show, so she doesn’t get to go boo hoo :(

  24. ass implants would make a nice wedding gift.

  25. RichPort

    I just see TC crying at the honeymoon… it’ll be the first time he sees her nude and he’ll be so fucking disappointed that she has no cock.


  26. Why would she be? Tom’s appearance on her show is right around the time things went sour in his life. By sour, I mean crazy as fuck


  27. Jacquelantern

    #15 lmao.. omg that is fing true!! I hate that.. I just want to smack her!!

  28. HollyJ

    they’re all a bunch of stupid asstubes anyway – ALL OF THEM

  29. I also heard that Oprah’s production company, Harpo is going out of business…bbbahhhahaha just kidding. Going out of business…in 10,000 years maybe. Haha, rich.

  30. RichPort

    Where will they register? the International Male catalog? Gay Cruises? The Men’s section at Barney’s? An all expense paid trip to Brokeback Mountain? Doubledongs.com?

  31. Missallanpoe

    MMM, Marx brothers are GOLD.

  32. Italian Stallion

    Why would Tom invite Pink and not Oprah? Nevermind, I forgot Pink had a dick………

  33. DancingQueen

    I KNEW they were racists! Just proves it.

    So do you think when they play “Old Time Rock & Roll” at the reception Tom will slide across the floor pantless?

  34. Hey Oprah, here are some things you could get Katie:

    1) Her sense of individuality;
    2) Her self-esteem;
    3) A life;
    4) Her ass (please);
    5) A fiance` that doesn’t fuck men.

  35. NipsyHustle

    pink has a big, thick uncut dick with an anchor piercing the head. god, she’s so butch i know she’s fisting that bitch husband corey hart ever night. god she’s creeps me out.

    katie deserves to be sacrificed at the altar. she’s nothing but a high priced whore who sold her pussy to the highest bidder.

  36. RichPort

    Instead of rice they’ll be throwing VHS copies of Dawson’s Creek and MI. And TC will run down the line, hands out on either side, smacking everyone’s cock on the way to the limo.

    It’s probably best Oprah doesn’t show… the might tell her the help needs use the service entrance. Besides, taking 12 hours to get your hair and face done to go to TC’s wedding isn’t exactly as much fun as having her face buried in Gayle’s nappy dugout…

  37. jrzmommy

    Wait a fucking minute here….doesn’t Oprah crash weddings for her show? I smell publicity stunt here.

    34–hee hee excellent Risky Business idea.

  38. jrzmommy

    Also, will Tom run under an arch of “crossed swords?”

  39. RichPort

    “Bumping Meatballs” will be on the menu.

  40. jrzmommy

    40! HAHAHAHA!!!!

  41. commissioner

    “Bumping meatballs”. Tee, hee.

  42. PrettyBaby

    Do you guys remember that thread on here where Tom was hugging Steven Speilberg so tight that their cocks were all smushed together. That is what ANY male guest invited to the wedding can expect.

    Yuck, I can soooo imagine John Travolta “prepping” Tom for the honeymoon. NOooooooo

  43. PrettyBaby

    #40 YESSS Bumping meatballs is what TC did to Speilberg. OH hahahaha WHY Lord!

  44. Stuey75

    i bout SHAT myself at bumping meatballs.

  45. jrzmommy

    Maybe he’ll get plowed at his reception and try putting the moves on Katie’s dad.

  46. RichPort

    Stallion, many thanks for your phrase getting us additional laughs here.

    #46 – HA!!! Tom, for the last time that’s my napkin and no you did not drop your dinner roll on my lap.

  47. jrzmommy

    Rich–He’ll DEMAND to dance with her father for “Daddy’s Little Girl”.

  48. Stallion, I’ve tried to picture what you look like and I think you look like “The Todd” from “Scrubs”. You probably sound like him, too! Oh, and on the show, he’s gay…

    Anyway, Oprah sucks. She’s a condecending, spoiled brat who has plans for world domination… Peace!


  49. PrettyBaby

    #49 I have tried to picture Stallion too (vibe hummmmms)

    These scenarios are fucking hilarious and during all the inappropriate man-hugs and accidental bumping of said meatballs, Katie will be as glassy-eyed and Xenu crazed as usual. That’s it, I am going after full custody of poor little Suri.

  50. PrettyBaby

    In my above post I forgot some gay quotes around the word “accidental”

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