Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes arrived in Rome yesterday to prepare for their upcoming wedding over the weekend, but sources have confirmed that Oprah wasn’t invited to the ceremony. Despite being the launching pad for their wacky interstellar relationship, Oprah just didn’t make the cut. She says:
“It’s not that I’m not going. It’s that they had a limited number of people that they could invite. I was not one the invitees. That’s fine. I don’t get invited to everyone’s wedding. I don’t invite them to everything I do. But I wish them the best. I have a great deal of regard for their relationship and so I’m trying to think of what to get them. I don’t know! I was thinking … I’m easier (to shop for) – you can get me a bubble bath I’m okay – but I don’t know what to give them.”
Additionally, Katie Holmes’ alleged new best friend and Tom Cruise’s mortal enemy, Brooke Shields, is set to attend. Which makes absolutely no sense. Unlike their belief in intergalactic space lords. That stuff’s rock solid.
Missallanpoe | November 14, 2006 at 9:35 am
first?
Missallanpoe | November 14, 2006 at 9:35 am
first?
Missallanpoe | November 14, 2006 at 9:35 am
first?
Missallanpoe | November 14, 2006 at 9:37 am
opps…omg im so sorry for the triple post..i just got so excited lol. Anyway..that’s lame she didn’t get invited, but then again she’s lucky..Tom cruise might jump on her big ass from all of the excitment.
nicholelibra | November 14, 2006 at 9:37 am
Great, now your 3 times an asshole.
Missallanpoe | November 14, 2006 at 9:38 am
nicole, go fuck yourself it was an accident =) like your face.
Italian Stallion | November 14, 2006 at 9:40 am
I wouldn’t invite Oprah to a wedding either. Not just because she’s black, but I would want the guest to be able to get at least one plate of food………
RichPort | November 14, 2006 at 9:40 am
Maybe Oprah broke the couch?
slantingthroughdarkness | November 14, 2006 at 9:41 am
No one ever invites Oprah to their wedding. Cause they don’t want the fat cow devouring all the cake.
http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com
IFuckingHateYou | November 14, 2006 at 9:41 am
Oprah looks like the pet monkey I used to have – I miss that little fucker.
enfilade | November 14, 2006 at 9:42 am
Poor Oprah, i guess she’ll just have to swim in her money instead.
http://www.scandalsnappers.com/
Missallanpoe | November 14, 2006 at 9:42 am
Maybe Richport….just maybe..
BigJim | November 14, 2006 at 9:42 am
Forget about Oprah the Orca eating all the food. I’d be more worried about her eating the guests.
Stuey75 | November 14, 2006 at 9:42 am
lucky #13!!!
i hope god smites them
jrzmommy | November 14, 2006 at 9:43 am
I wouldn’t invite Oprah to the wedding because she would try to upstage the priest……”You may kiss the BRI-I-I-I-IDE!!!!!!!” in that voice she does when she announces someone onto her show.
Italian Stallion | November 14, 2006 at 9:43 am
@10 Pet monkey? You mean pet Gorilla, right?
Stuey75 | November 14, 2006 at 9:43 am
damn you big jim!!! damn you to helll!!!!
Alex | November 14, 2006 at 9:47 am
Xenu is my copilot.
Emptywebsite.com-over 200,000 unique hits a day, and not a damn thing on it.
jrzmommy | November 14, 2006 at 9:48 am
…And the Number One Thing We’ll Overhear from Behind the Altar at the TomKat Wedding…..
“But, Katie, he loves the cock!!!”
NipsyHustle | November 14, 2006 at 9:48 am
i’m sure oprah is sad that she won’t be there to drink the grape Flavor Aid with the rest of the followers.
she can stay home and watch mars attacks and it’ll be the same as being there in person.
IFuckingHateYou | November 14, 2006 at 9:52 am
#16 – it was a baby gorilla, I liked to call it my monkey, so when it was bad & I had to spank it, it sounded dirty.
Oprah came to visit one day & my monkey disappeared. i’m not sure if she sat on it, ate it or released it back into the wild, but I’m certain that bitch had something to do with it. Now, whenever I see Oprah, I can’t spank my monkey.
jrzmommy | November 14, 2006 at 9:53 am
I guess my invitation got lost.
PrettyBaby | November 14, 2006 at 9:55 am
#21 Yep, It would not suprise me one bit if they decided it was time to off themselves and their fellow cultees and return to the mothership. You know- if you read about what Scientologists believe it makes you laugh until you realize all the fuckers that believe it!!
Oprah’s lucky though. But I think Tom was embarassed my the huge jack ass he made of himself on her show, so she doesn’t get to go boo hoo :(
ponk | November 14, 2006 at 9:58 am
ass implants would make a nice wedding gift.
TCLTC
RichPort | November 14, 2006 at 10:01 am
I just see TC crying at the honeymoon… it’ll be the first time he sees her nude and he’ll be so fucking disappointed that she has no cock.
TCLTC
CelebSlam.com | November 14, 2006 at 10:03 am
Why would she be? Tom’s appearance on her show is right around the time things went sour in his life. By sour, I mean crazy as fuck
http://www.celebslam.com
Jacquelantern | November 14, 2006 at 10:04 am
#15 lmao.. omg that is fing true!! I hate that.. I just want to smack her!!
HollyJ | November 14, 2006 at 10:06 am
they’re all a bunch of stupid asstubes anyway – ALL OF THEM
DrunkBlogger | November 14, 2006 at 10:07 am
I also heard that Oprah’s production company, Harpo is going out of business…bbbahhhahaha just kidding. Going out of business…in 10,000 years maybe. Haha, rich.
RichPort | November 14, 2006 at 10:10 am
Where will they register? the International Male catalog? Gay Cruises? The Men’s section at Barney’s? An all expense paid trip to Brokeback Mountain? Doubledongs.com?
Missallanpoe | November 14, 2006 at 10:10 am
MMM, Marx brothers are GOLD.
Italian Stallion | November 14, 2006 at 10:11 am
Why would Tom invite Pink and not Oprah? Nevermind, I forgot Pink had a dick………
DancingQueen | November 14, 2006 at 10:19 am
I KNEW they were racists! Just proves it.
So do you think when they play “Old Time Rock & Roll” at the reception Tom will slide across the floor pantless?
Angry Ferret Jones | November 14, 2006 at 10:21 am
Hey Oprah, here are some things you could get Katie:
1) Her sense of individuality;
2) Her self-esteem;
3) A life;
4) Her ass (please);
5) A fiance` that doesn’t fuck men.
NipsyHustle | November 14, 2006 at 10:24 am
pink has a big, thick uncut dick with an anchor piercing the head. god, she’s so butch i know she’s fisting that bitch husband corey hart ever night. god she’s creeps me out.
katie deserves to be sacrificed at the altar. she’s nothing but a high priced whore who sold her pussy to the highest bidder.
RichPort | November 14, 2006 at 10:26 am
Instead of rice they’ll be throwing VHS copies of Dawson’s Creek and MI. And TC will run down the line, hands out on either side, smacking everyone’s cock on the way to the limo.
It’s probably best Oprah doesn’t show… the might tell her the help needs use the service entrance. Besides, taking 12 hours to get your hair and face done to go to TC’s wedding isn’t exactly as much fun as having her face buried in Gayle’s nappy dugout…
jrzmommy | November 14, 2006 at 10:28 am
Wait a fucking minute here….doesn’t Oprah crash weddings for her show? I smell publicity stunt here.
34–hee hee excellent Risky Business idea.
jrzmommy | November 14, 2006 at 10:28 am
Also, will Tom run under an arch of “crossed swords?”
RichPort | November 14, 2006 at 10:30 am
“Bumping Meatballs” will be on the menu.
jrzmommy | November 14, 2006 at 10:32 am
40! HAHAHAHA!!!!
commissioner | November 14, 2006 at 10:32 am
“Bumping meatballs”. Tee, hee.
PrettyBaby | November 14, 2006 at 10:32 am
Do you guys remember that thread on here where Tom was hugging Steven Speilberg so tight that their cocks were all smushed together. That is what ANY male guest invited to the wedding can expect.
Yuck, I can soooo imagine John Travolta “prepping” Tom for the honeymoon. NOooooooo
PrettyBaby | November 14, 2006 at 10:34 am
#40 YESSS Bumping meatballs is what TC did to Speilberg. OH hahahaha WHY Lord!
Stuey75 | November 14, 2006 at 10:37 am
i bout SHAT myself at bumping meatballs.
jrzmommy | November 14, 2006 at 10:40 am
Maybe he’ll get plowed at his reception and try putting the moves on Katie’s dad.
RichPort | November 14, 2006 at 10:49 am
Stallion, many thanks for your phrase getting us additional laughs here.
#46 – HA!!! Tom, for the last time that’s my napkin and no you did not drop your dinner roll on my lap.
jrzmommy | November 14, 2006 at 10:58 am
Rich–He’ll DEMAND to dance with her father for “Daddy’s Little Girl”.
Triumph Insult Dog | November 14, 2006 at 11:12 am
Stallion, I’ve tried to picture what you look like and I think you look like “The Todd” from “Scrubs”. You probably sound like him, too! Oh, and on the show, he’s gay…
Anyway, Oprah sucks. She’s a condecending, spoiled brat who has plans for world domination… Peace!
http://www.blackbeatpress.com
PrettyBaby | November 14, 2006 at 11:25 am
#49 I have tried to picture Stallion too (vibe hummmmms)
These scenarios are fucking hilarious and during all the inappropriate man-hugs and accidental bumping of said meatballs, Katie will be as glassy-eyed and Xenu crazed as usual. That’s it, I am going after full custody of poor little Suri.
PrettyBaby | November 14, 2006 at 11:29 am
In my above post I forgot some gay quotes around the word “accidental”