Oprah Banished Lindsay Lohan’s Parents

September 30th, 2013 // 14 Comments
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There’s no way he knows who he’s posing with. Just no way.

Oprah has made some mistakes over the years like propping up Jenny McCarthy‘s anti-vaccine horseshit or, even worse, not stopping this Stevie Wonder pic from happening because, again, goddammit. So this time she’s going to play things right by constantly being on Lindsay Lohan‘s ass and banning her parents from her reality show. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan’s OWN reality show producers want nothing to do with her parents, and TMZ has learned … an executive decision was made to ban them from the show.
Michael and Dina Lohan will NOT film a single scene for the upcoming series. No one will even refer to DiLo’s DWI arrest earlier this month — according to production sources.
We’re told producers were struggling a few weeks back with the show’s direction … and after intense debate decided to not include the “Lohan family circus.”

When asked how Oprah will be able to enforce such a ban, her response was, “With my black people magic.” Which isn’t racist at all because Oprah said it herself. I’m simply reporting these events as they happen in my mind. Think of me as a vessel.

This man gave the world “Superstition,” yet someone let him near Lindsay Lohan. Wait, where was George Zimmerman this weekend? Bullet holes! Check for bullet holes!

Photos: Splash News


  1. No Zimmerman References? WTF?

    The family circus is the only thing interesting about that used up cum rag. Oprah is losing her touch.

  2. schmidtler

    If ‘Black People Magic’ were real, all the taps in Oprah’s house would have grape soda flowing out of them.

  3. Photographic evidence that contact with Lindsay Lohan causes cigarette burns and open sores. Someone get me Father Merrin’s number.

  4. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Wendy Nichols Saints Of The Zodiac Fashion Show
    Commented on this photo:

    “Okay, okay. Everyone can stop looking. I found my a coke snorting straw. It was in my handbag, the whole time. Duh…”

  5. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Wendy Nichols Saints Of The Zodiac Fashion Show
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s still #1on my Under 30 Dead Pool.

  6. angerinside

    Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.

    “Okay who left some coke on a pile of old cocks”.

  7. George Washington

    Lohan has a realty series? I guess they are going to show

    SCENE 1: Gives BJ for coke;
    SCENE 2: Snorts coke;
    SCENE 3: Downs vodka disguised as Kambouch tea;
    SCENE 4: Steals jewlery while shoppng;
    SCENE 5: Runs over/get into accident as she flees jewelry store
    SCENE 6; Gets rejected for yet another movie part
    SCENES 7 – 10; Repeat Scene 1-3
    SCENE 11; Passes out

  8. “So, Stevie (may I call you Stevie?), what do you think of my breasts?”
    “Sorry, Lindsay (may I call you Lindsay?). I’m blind.”
    “Ohhhh…then take a few minutes and check them out in Braille.”

  9. I guess it doesn’t matter that a blind person can tell that The Canyons sucked.

  10. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Wendy Nichols Saints Of The Zodiac Fashion Show
    Commented on this photo:

    woah. ali lohan looks like shit.

    • Subee

      You really think that’s Ali Lohan, lol. That doesn’t look anything like Ali Lohan. Ali may look older, but come on now.

  11. Good move, Oprah. I wish Lindsay had done the same years ago.

  12. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Wendy Nichols Saints Of The Zodiac Fashion Show
    Herman Bumfudle
    Commented on this photo:

    hanging out with family. tell stevie, prince phillip harris said hi.

  13. Deina

    You didn’t mention the hour she wasted letting Whitney bullshit the world and herself that she wasn’t a self-destructive addict anymore…

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