Oops! Orlando Bloom Banged A Waitress And Now She’s Famous

Celebrities banging cocktail waitresses is nothing new. Even Ben Franklin racked up a slew of baby mommas with his own lightning rod back when men used to find female kneecaps to be erotic. Now we’ve got Orlando Bloom getting plastered all over the tabloids for bedding a lovely 21-year-old Romanian named Viviana Ross who just happened to casually run into him at his hotel after her shift. According to The Sun:

After her shift on Friday night she got changed into normal clothes, left the bar and bumped into Orlando outside.

“They chatted and he asked her to join him in his room for a drink. Of course she said ‘Yes’.

While staying at the hotel for almost a week promoting his new movie that wasn’t about pirates, Bloom was hitting up the hotel bar and gorging on beef tartare and gin, presumably drinking the mental image of Katy Perry getting eaten out by the guys in Migos out of his tormented mind. Viviana was probably hooking him up with extra chips and talking about how hard it is to meet guys in London when you look like a Romanian underwear model and how she would never Google “Orlando Bloom naked penis” because that would be intrusive, and so on… Eventually their sexual tension just couldn’t be contained and Orlando Bloom took her to his room and gave her his own “Bloomservice”.

The next day Orlando left for an interview and Viviana stayed behind in his suite. While this would have been an opportune moment for her to steal all of the actor’s nice shit, she decided to just lay there naked and get busted by a hotel manager who eventually told her own manager and subsequently left her out of a job. According to The Sun, she didn’t even get a phone number after a wild night riding Orlando’s Bloomstick and thinks Orlando should know that she got fired.

Now she’s apparently on TV in Germany doing morning interviews about how freaky Orlando Bloom is and talking about the curvature of his schnitzel and the low-budget indie movie she starred in.

“Just so you know this is just like a one-time thing, ok?”
“Oh yea, totally- I’m cool, I don’t even care if you’re famous or anything… Did I mention I’m an actress?”
“Thats great- put this on…” *Orlando hands her a diaper* “The safe word is rigatoni.”