Olivia Wilde hawks perfume and other news

- Michael Jackson’s funeral was today. I wonder what it was like when they found out his gravestone dispenses candy. Hmm… [PopEater]

- Salma Hayek flipped out last night at a restaurant when all the outdoor seating was taken even though she didn’t have a reservation. Did any of this cause her breasts to shrink? No? Carry on. [Lainey Gossip]

- Kate Beckinsale is hot. I don’t say that enough. [PopSugar]

- Janice Dickinson found a man willing to kiss her old, collagen lips without cash changing hands. [Celebslam]

- Ashlee Simpson talks about raising Pete Wentz’s spawn on The Today Show. [Just Jared]

- Tori Spelling denies reports that Dean McDermott is only married to her for the money. Clearly it’s for the sex. Because who doesn’t enjoy banging a sickly, middle-aged woman with implants? And she even had kids. Score! [Socialite Life]

- Kelly Osbourne wants kids to stay off tattoos. Hey, doesn’t she know educating kids is for commies? Oh, wait, that only counts if you’re a black president. My bad. [ICYDK]

- Kim Cattrall is still a cougar. [Splash News]

- Cate Blanchett goes back to work after getting brained on stage by a co-star and pretty much makes Jeremy Piven look like a giant vagina. [Parade]

Photos: WENN