Olivia Wilde’s Vagina Died During Her Marriage Which Makes Jason Sudeikis A Necromancer. Got It.
So Olivia Wilde apparently spent Monday night talking candidly about her vagina and how her inability to lie to it followed by its death led her to divorce an Italian prince and eventually seek comfort atop Jason Sudeikis’ penis that we should probably start mining for the anti-death serum. Why should Olivia Wilde be the only one with immortality in her grasp, her soft, sexy grasp? Via Vulture:
Olivia Wilde told the audience, which included her boyfriend, Jason Sudeikis, about the end of her first marriage. “I felt like my vagina died,” she said. “Turned off. Lights out … And you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina.”
Listen to your vagina, Wilde advises. “Sometimes your vagina dies,” she says. “Then you know it’s time to go. There’s no reason to sacrifice your womanhood and femininity for some sort of weird feeling of responsibility to something that may not be right. I feel like far too many women do that.” Also, “[Men] are not allowed to be the only ones thinking with their genitals. We think with our pussies.”
But cry not for Olivia, for now she has sex like “Kenyan marathon runners” which I’m going to assume involves Jason Sudeikis pretending he’s a lion and her vagina is a wounded gazelle. That or she lifts his penis up to the sun while singing the theme to The Lion King. “Ahhhh… ya sway ya… don’t shoot it in my eye-zee-ma-bo…”