Olivia Wilde’s Vagina Died During Her Marriage Which Makes Jason Sudeikis A Necromancer. Got It.

October 10th, 2012 // 56 Comments
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So Olivia Wilde apparently spent Monday night talking candidly about her vagina and how her inability to lie to it followed by its death led her to divorce an Italian prince and eventually seek comfort atop Jason Sudeikis‘ penis that we should probably start mining for the anti-death serum. Why should Olivia Wilde be the only one with immortality in her grasp, her soft, sexy grasp? Via Vulture:

Olivia Wilde told the audience, which included her boyfriend, Jason Sudeikis, about the end of her first marriage. “I felt like my vagina died,” she said. “Turned off. Lights out … And you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina.”

Listen to your vagina, Wilde advises. “Sometimes your vagina dies,” she says. “Then you know it’s time to go. There’s no reason to sacrifice your womanhood and femininity for some sort of weird feeling of responsibility to something that may not be right. I feel like far too many women do that.” Also, “[Men] are not allowed to be the only ones thinking with their genitals. We think with our pussies.”

But cry not for Olivia, for now she has sex like “Kenyan marathon runners” which I’m going to assume involves Jason Sudeikis pretending he’s a lion and her vagina is a wounded gazelle. That or she lifts his penis up to the sun while singing the theme to The Lion King. “Ahhhh… ya sway ya… don’t shoot it in my eye-zee-ma-bo…”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. If any ladies out there feel their vaginas dying, call me. I know vagina to mouth resuscitation.

  2. Kodos

    Can I put it in her butt, instead?

    Is oral out of the question?…. I can still work with this.

  3. Olivia Wilde Cleavage The Daily Show
    brick
    Commented on this photo:

    Beauty and a wicked sense of humor. Perfect!

  4. Deacon Jones

    I’m willing to bet anything she’s a shitty lay.

  5. Dude of Dudes

    “I felt like my vagina died,” she said. “Turned off. Lights out …” Am I the only one imaging her vag is like one of those hobbit houses from Lord of the Rings? I think I can see the Eye of Sauron.

    • Am I the only one who thought maybe she was talking to her relatives at Christmas dinner about her vagina?

      • DeucePickle

        Yeah, just who was she talking to ? It never says who except for “the audience”. I mean, how many people are at her Christmas dinners? And why are they having Christmas dinner in October ?

      • I will state definitively right here and now that Olivia Wilde is the fuck of a lifetime. If her poor vagina is dead, I will give it the “breath of Life.”

  6. Smuggler

    I wonder if he fake chows her, if she fake chows him?

  7. Still warm? Good enough.

  8. If her vagina is lights out, maybe she should meet up with the weirdo British speedo guy whom Robert Pattinson blew. He could share some of his light

  9. noone

    I now love her. Yes, she is awesome!

  10. This makes me wonder if she’s a squirter.

  11. ” ya sway ya… don’t shoot it in my eye-zee-ma-”

    God DAMN it Fish… I am laughing and crying like a lunatic!
    Thanks for this…the freaking imagery. Killing me

  12. Rico Jones

    I would fuck her dead vagina. And I’d probably fuck her if she was dead herself. She is that hot.

  13. Bianca

    Beautiful face but annoying personality.

  14. Goddammit

    *Its* death, Fish. Its possessive = no apostrophe. EDIT Hint: *It’s* = it is There.

  15. Olivia Wilde Cleavage The Daily Show
    Kojak
    Commented on this photo:

    Her ass probably died too…

  16. Parker

    This is the problem with some women these days, they’ll spend hours at the gym doing everything they can to make their ass look hot then all they want to talk about is the dead vaginas. Fine, your vag is dead, now turn around and take it up the ass like a good girl. Get over your stupid self, Olivia.

    I’ll stil pork your hot little butt if you don’t though. You can even reminisce about the life your vagina once enjoyed while I’m plowing your pleasant pooper.I won’t mind. Call me.

  17. Jason

    Are we going to ignore the part where she said she explored being a lesbian but sudekis stopped it? Should he not die for this?

  18. Olivia Wilde Cleavage The Daily Show
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, so that’s what that smell was …

  19. Eustace Haney

    Dead pussy from Olivia, Cold pussy form January , which is better?

  20. Harvey Fierstein

    I often just get up impulsively and discuss my dick happiness or other life characteristics

    • Hubert Updike

      Me too ! I just get up in meeting spontaneously and announce the status of my dick! People really dig it too , as usually the meeting ends abruptly and everyone goes back to work ! And I’m not even a Hollywood actor ! Must be my public speaking ability and my charisma

  21. Amy

    Oh come on guys. I doubt she’s a bad lay. She was just saying what a lot of us girls are thinking….if we don’t want to sleep with you it’s because you suck in bed or we don’t love you anymore or we’re getting it on the side. That’s it. End of story. We love sex…but obviously this guy was a lights-out missionary-type of guy and she wasn’t digging it. The moment a women feel uncomfortable, sex-life declines. When a guy makes it clear that he likes our body, our smells, how we look when we’re in crazy-retarded looking positions, we’ll do most anything because we’re into it. When you turn the lights off and barely say a word, it fucking blows.

    • Parker

      blah, blah, blah, you’re proving my point for me so turn over and take up the ass like a good girl.

      • Get over your homosexuality, and stop bullying young women who are trying to be communicative about their sensuality, but feel shamed to talk about it because of douchebag’s like you.

      • Did you bother to read the banner at the top of this page to identify where you are? Don’t take yourself so fucking seriously.

      • BobLoblaw

        Comedians make jokes and they are usually funny, telling a women to take it up the ass when she is trying to tell you that there are better ways to have sex is not to be taken lightly wherever you happen to be. Stop pretending you are funny you don’t get the comedians excuse that it was just a joke and every one else needs to chill out. Say something funny and original or say sorry, shut the fuck up and learn how to fuck.

    • Why is the blame always shifted onto the men? what makes you think it wasn’t her that fucked things up that ultimately turned HIM off? Apparently men are always 110% at fault. Let a bitch of my try that and she’ll be put in place right quick.

      • BobLoblaw

        Its the fault of both the sexes and society, but its predominately douchbags like you who have no ability to empathize with another human and understand how their sexual organ may differ in its attainment of pleasure and refuse to take legitimate advice even though it would get you laid way more often. For starters you don’t lick the clit you suck it, stop letting your hands go limp on her body, and stop jabbing it with two fingers and pretend like thats fingering there are a hundred finger position. Fyi the only bitch in this world is a little boy who cant kick it all night with a women in heat.

  22. Olivia Wilde Cleavage The Daily Show
    neo
    Commented on this photo:

    Anyone else pissed because that dick from SNL gets to bang this? It’s not right I tell you. TT

  23. guest

    what does she mean? he has a huge cock so she can take it no more?

  24. Shecky Goldbloom

    If Olivia has a dead cunt , I may have fucked her sometime last year . I remember thinking “This cunt I’m fucking feels like a dead cunt “

  25. BobLoblaw

    It made me so happy today to finally see a girl be a women and talk about her vagina and the inability of a boy to be a man and learn how to please it. The vagina is a god given and beautifully complex sexual organ that cannot be pleased in exactly the same manner as a mans. If you want to have happier relationships with more passion and sex, be a human or at the least a man and learn how to please the sensuality and sexual organ of a women. This is not difficult and in the era of the internet it can easily be accomplished through communication in the bedroom and research. So either watch some Nina Hartley and read some wikipedia or get over your blatant homosexuality and suck a dick, but for Christ sake stop degrading the sensuality of a women while letting yours run free with delusional fantasies so that you can tie them up and rape them while you pretend they asked for it.

    • Thank you, Master Yoda…or is it Dr. Phil? Maybe Dr. Ruth Westheimer…???

      • BobLoblaw

        No I just used to be misogynous with my sexual affairs until I realized I was being a little boy and thinking with my cock. Women are not here for mens pleasure learn how to give them their’s by figuring out how to properly preform cunnilingus, that both of you do the fucking and how not to nut in five minutes and it will make everyones lives more pleasurable and fulfilling. That being said if you are a women learn how to use your own shit so you can tell men how to get you off.

  26. Immortality Jizz
    The answer to the question
    Why the FUCK is Olivia Wilde anywhere near Jason Sudeikis penis’?

  27. Mama Pinkus

    translation: the gold-digging bitch no longer felt the need to continue the charade after she found her own gold

  28. Olivia Wilde Cleavage The Daily Show
    Commented on this photo:

    But he turned her vertical frown upside-down.

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