Olivia Munn’s Nakedness Saved The Elephants

November 29th, 2011 // 85 Comments

When Olivia Munn posed nude for PETA (above) last year, I laughed it off as the blatant, self-serving publicity stunt it still is, especially when she showed up to the unveiling wearing leather boots like a goddamn idiot. Except it turns out the campaign actually worked, prompting federal investigators to fine Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus $270,000 for violating the Animal Welfare Act of 2007 which is apparently a thing. Via PETA:

PETA has been after the USDA all this time to take action against Ringling for abusing the animals in its care. In recent meetings, we presented unequivocal evidence of animal abuse, including beatings, the death of a lion, lame elephants forced to perform despite chronic pain, and a baby elephant who died during a training routine. We had recently filed a new formal request for action against Ringling, and our attorneys had met with the USDA’s general counsel and urged her to begin enforcement proceedings.
PETA presented testimonial and photographic evidence that baby elephants at Ringling’s training compound are torn away from their mothers and subjected to violent training sessions so that they will learn how to perform tricks, as well as video footage from a PETA investigation showing how elephants used by Ringling are whipped, beaten, and yanked by heavy, sharp steel-tipped bullhooks behind the scenes, prior to performing.

Thanks to an emotional, tear-filled night watching Water For Elephants over a cup of chamomile tea, I can now sleep at night knowing these noble anima

Oh, good, we spent taxpayer money making sure elephants aren’t being whipped. Phew! And for a second there, that money almost went to feeding humans. God, that would’ve sucked. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating cruelty to animals, but I’m also not advocating wasting a ton of time and energy while people are experiencing record unemployment and mass foreclosures. So as a solution, I propose a woman in a skintight catsuit runs around freeing animals from the circus whenever a guy dressed like a bat isn’t doing her, and/or an alien from Krypton with super strength from our yellow sun occasionally grabs a ringmaster’s whip right before he strikes a sick elephant. I think you’ll find my proposal fair, yet practical.

Adding… Patton Oswalt has a great bit about the circus on Finest Hour that I can’t seem to find an embed to, but definitely scope it out because it’s way funnier than whatever the hell I just said.

Photos: PETA, Splash News

superficial

  1. Fredo

    Meanwhile, after seeing Khloe’s ad, legions of gorillas committed suicide.

  2. Grand Dragon

    Anyone that still has a nerd-crush on her after she boned Timberlake needs professional help.

  3. Laura

    Dude i’ve been a fan for a long time but you lost me with that dumbass predictable “humans are more important than anything” nonsense. that just sucks.

    • gnarla

      Agreed. Yeah, a lot of people are going through hard times, but that doesn’t mean we have to ignore animal abuse. PETA kind of freaks me out, but I’m glad they took care of this crap.

    • Rossafur

      I hate that BS too. So disconcerting when supposedly super liberal, progressive people turn out to be right with the right-wing Bible-Thumpers thinking humans are meant to reign over all.

      • shankyouverymuch

        You know what Lauren the environment & the animals will take care of themselves just fine, just like they always have- YOU better worry about taking care of YOU, least you become just another feeder fish!……. BELIEVE IT!

    • Lauren

      Yea, that was really lame of you. Normally you’re pretty funny but that was just completely douchey. Let’s just not worry about animals or the environment and care only about ourselves. Good approach.

    • Mike Walker

      Expect a new Sandusky article in the coming days…

    • AJ

      Yea, Fish. I’ve been a fan literally since I accidentally stumbled onto your site from x17 about 6 yrs ago and usually your logic is spot on. PETA are bitches. But they do get the job done. And if you actually look at their photos/videos you’ll see that animals really are being grossly mistreated. Honestly, they are being born to be broken into submission and enslaved to turn a profit for humans. No other animal on earth actually makes other animals suffer for so long. PETA’s goal is to protect animals…and they’re actually doing it. If you’re worried about tax payers money then maybe you should look into oil companies. They spend decades defending their mistakes and our government spends countless hours/$$$ trying to seek justice…for humans that were affected.

    • Josh

      Employing the logic Fish used here is like saying the police should only respond to murder calls, as everything else is less important. Well helping battered wives in the shelter is more important than writing a gossip blog, so off you go…..

    • Emily

      I’m with you Laura! After coming here daily for years, that was the comment that turned me off forever. Good bye and good riddance the Superficial.

  4. Richard McBeef

    That’s nice, but do you have any idea how many shrimp had to die for Olivia to save a single elephant?

  5. I would love to uncross her legs and dive in head first into that twat.

  6. Anonymous

    Who the hell is Olivia Munn, and why should I care?

  7. Parker

    I really just want to have anal sex with her. Other than that I don’t care what she’s up to.

  8. Olivia Munn Naked PETA
    Commented on this photo:

    She did the PETA poster back before she was asian.

  9. Crabby Old Guy

    I’ve got yer “elephant” right here, Olivia…wait and let me pull my pants pockets out before I unleash his trunk.

  10. I keep staring at the picture waiting for her vagina to eat her right heel.

  11. Great. Now I’ll have to take the camel to work.

  12. Boy Blunder

    Holy airbrush and Photoshop Batman!

  13. Drew

    “Lame elephants”

    Yeah they are.

  14. skunk

    let my elephant cock be free on your face

  15. Rico Jones

    Olivia Munn. The woman that eats hot dogs, cheeseburgers, endangered whale and uses a samurai sword on beef carcass. The perfect PETA spokeswoman.

  16. Coyote

    I never cared for her till she subbed on the Today show on St Patty’s Day; I have been madly in love ever since

  17. stratacat

    Yes, I agree that abused children hold a higher priority on some arbitrary list of importance than abused animals, but having ample, abundant evidence of abuse (regardless of species) and doing nothing is basically the equivalent of the Sandusky bullshit.

    Are you really saying they should have just ignored the cruelty because creating jobs is more important? Did an elephant molest you as a child that you think it’s okay for these assholes to systematically murder animals for profit and entertainment?

    I am a big fan, Fish, but you missed the point here entirely. You can’t pick and choose compassion when it’s convenient for you.

    • This. The only good thing is that sometimes the abused animal will be able to kill the person who’s making its life hell, but then it gets put down for it, whereas kids who kill their abusers usually just get some juvie time.

      In addition, that $270K fine must’ve done something to offset the cost of the investigation. Fuck, even if it left the gub’mint with a $.98 profit, that’s at least one Federal investtigator that didn’t go hungry to bed without a Snickers bar.

      • I looked it up. The Animal Care program of the Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service, which regulates the treatment of animals in research, exhibition, and the pet trade, is allocated all of $30 million in the current budget, not including the million or so in penalties the program collects each year.

        Thirty million dollars seems like a lot, but really not so much given that the total FY 2012 U.S. budget is estimated at $3.7 trillion. Now, if you want to argue that if you add up the cost of this and other so-called “non-essential” programs, you start getting into real money, well, that’s your right. But, Fish, good luck getting any supermodel tail—or any tail at all—once you tell them you’re all for abused circus elephants and uninspected puppy mills.

      • Dan

        I love how someone who just has different priorities is now all for abused circus elephants and puppy mills. Way to polarize the discussion.

        It is the same as calling someone who thinks abortion is OK as a baby killer or murderer.

        This is the epitome of what is wrong with politics and politicians.

  18. Venom

    I like elephants so I support this whole thing. I would rather have an animal around me than most humans on any given day.

    And I still love Olivia Munn and want to do bad things to her.

  19. cc

    Circuses – smart animals doing dumb tricks for stupid people.

  20. Cardinal Fang

    For the last time! Posing nude means showing some naughty bits! Or ass and crack. Bundled up behind your limbs or fences is not posing nude dammit! I’m posing nude right now under my clothes for that matter.

  21. I still fail to see what the big deal is with Ms. Munn…
    She looks like a Brazilian tranny.

  22. Olivia Munn Naked PETA
    LegMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Hot as hell. I don’t care what anyone says.

  23. You’re essentially saying that good deeds are only good if they’re accomplished in some descending sort of order of goodness (presumably one determined by you). You’ve also exposed me to a pretty unattractive display of pessimism with absolutely no comic value whatsoever. Punditry and philosophomasizing doesn’t suit you well. Stick to your day job.

  24. kimsux

    Been checking this website for a while… ABSOLUTELY DONE with you know. You’re way too goddamn egotistical. Animals are defenseless and someone needs to look out for them. It was cruel and disgusting what Ringling did. Never checking this site again.

    • kimsux

      PS – terrible attempt at humor… get a life

    • Rico Jones

      So you are a vegetarian?

    • Cardinal Fang

      Go hug your plushy Obama doll. Watch that the ears don’t get you in the eye. These animals would be in Africa right now getting hunted down by the locals or just shot in there takeover wars by the Muslims.

      • Venom

        Or getting hunted down by some idiot redneck hick like you so they could put the head and tusks on their wall and make trash baskets out of the feet…

      • stratacat

        @Cardinal Fang–how is it better for these animals to be killed in America?

        it’s not okay to abuse children, it’s not okay to abuse animals, it’s not okay to fuck people out of their homes and jobs and it’s not okay to ignore any of it. This has nothing to do with politics, religion, those dipshits over at PETA or this naked bitch smeared in shrimp grease. it’s about human decency. but trolls aren’t human, so nevermind.

  25. Anonymous

    Wow. Someone recommended this site to me, but the writer of this post is clearly an asshole. Back to dlisted I go.

  26. Rebelminion

    Based on this ad, I will be buying tickets to every circus I can find

  27. Satan's bitch

    Penn & Teller Bullshit PETA episode:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inFtOMx8nDU

    Patton Oswalt’s Finest Hour – The Circus is in Town
    http://www.itemvn.com/album/Patton-Oswalt-Finest-Hour/352EF90719

    When every member of PETA stops wearing clothing made from animal skins and using products that have been tested on animals and frees every pet they keep and STOPS KILLING STRAY ANIMALS at a rate higher than the ASPCA, I’ll begin to take them seriously. Until then, I’m with Fish.

  28. Beefarino

    I thought she would be fighting for shrimp rights after what Brett Ratner did with them.

  29. heazzsh

    It’s really disappointing to see you shrug off something as serious as animal abuse.

  30. Alex

    Spade is a spade. Nothing but a publicity stunt. But I’d much rather see tax dollars go to protecting elephants than feeding, housing, dressing and paying able-bodied leeches who give back parentless children.

    • Josh

      I feel sorry for the 10% who worked hard and are now out of a job, but for the other 90%, you’re damn right.

  31. Pshhh

    Been a very long time reader but seriously? Do you really think that if the USDA ignored this vile abuse, somehow no child would go hungry tonight? You really can’t think of other useless programs that might be cut to “help feed the children” and need to complain about this?”

    This shows a callous lack of empathy – you’re sad.

  32. Olivia Munn Naked PETA
    arnieblackblack
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m doing the elephant trick with my penis outta my fly and my trouser pockets inside out. She can save me from being whipped. Or she can watch me being whipped. Or she can whip the shit outta me.Or if she don’t let me have a go on her or I’ll bum an elephant…or summing.

  33. nope

    Water FOR Elephants

  34. electricgrl

    Dude, leave Fish alone. You people attack the commenters that point out his usual liberal agenda, but as soon as he says something you don’t like you turn on him too. Just because he thinks people should be a higher priority than animals doesn’t mean he’s a monster. It just means he has common sense. And I love animals.

    • Trek Girl

      I couldn’t have said it better myself.

    • WTF

      They’re attacking his comments because they are ridiculous. Circus animals have nothing to do with starving children–saving one from abuse does not prevent the other from eating, and vice-versa.

      The comparison would only make sense if PETA was up in arms because the animals were being slaughtered to feed some poor people. They’re being abused for entertainment, which is disgusting no matter what species is suffering.

      • electricgrl

        His comments are ridiculous because he’s a satirist. He’s not being totally serious, obviously. Its tongue in cheek.

  35. Randal(l)

    Peta are hypocrites, support terrorists, and are just as self-serving as any other multimillion dollar corporation.

    over the past 14 years Peta has an 86% kill rating for all animals taken in. with a 93% kill rate in 2010.

    Peta has donated thousands of dollars to the Animal Liberation Front, a group on the FBI’s Domestic Terrorist List and donated to the legal fund of other convicted arsonists

    Peta’s official position is that people should not have pets.

  36. beans

    Just FYI, this post makes no sense. You say the USDA is fining the ringling brothers $270,000 and then you call it a “waste of taxpayer money”? What do you think that $270,000 goes towards? Additionally, people have to pay to get a USDA license. The USDA has its own forms of generating revenue so that it can function. please see http://www.aphis.usda.gov/userfees/index.shtml

  37. Ina Garten's Panty Shield

    She’s trying to pull of some sort of Jessica Biel or Megan Fox expression on her face, and manages to fail both. Looks like some photoshopping the length of her face too. Conclusion: FAIL.

  38. Arzach

    Nakedness will save the world, now I believe on something

  39. :P

    I took me 9 months to find a job, and there were days when I could not afford food but I feel MUCH worse for abused animals then I ever could for myself. That would be extremely selfish, and like others I was completely turned off by this post. Animal cruelty needs to be stopped and it can’t be ignored just because there are other problems in the world. A human adult with the worst of luck can still take care of themselves better than an animal in captivity who has no voice or freedom to act on their own.

  40. Rob

    Although I think the writer of this crap is funny sometimes and I like to look at celebrities instead of the klodhoppers here at work, he’s sort of a self-righteous jagoff. Who cares is Munn did this for publicity and still wears leather? You make fun of celebrities being self-important, by acting holier than thou, also slef-important. I know its your job and all, but sometimes I dont like you. At least you don’t say shit like “epic fail.” That would really piss me off.

  41. Olivia Munn Naked PETA
    Bloodtooth
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe they’re pleather?

  42. Olivia Munn Naked PETA
    Commented on this photo:

    So what’s your point? That you can’t oppose animal cruelty in the circus without signing on to PETA’s entire animal-rights agenda? If you oppose one thing but not eight other things that PETA says is related, you’re a hypocrite?

  43. Last time here

    Never going to your site again- have been a fan for years. You suck big time.Wish you were an elephant or a Michael Vick dog.

  44. ShootThoseThugs

    Hey FISH, there are plenty of programs that feed children. The number of human charities FAR outnumber the PETAs and ASPCAs out there. Your argument is empty. For every animal agency, there’s ten ACLUs. I think you are a piece of fucking shit. Saving defenseless animals from painful lives is not taking ANYTHING away from starving children or those lazy, jobless fucks camping out in tents in New York. So fuck you. Will never be back to this site.

  45. Rebecca

    I understand where Fish is coming from. I have tons of friends who are always dishing out money to dolphin charities but wouldn’t even think to give a buck to a homeless guy on the street. People often forget that humans are animals too and even though we are capable of protecting ourselves, not everyone is able. Not to say this is the worse use of gov’t funds I’ve ever seen (by a long shot), but I understand his sentiment and was glad to read someone being honest about how they feel in this regard.

  46. NoCool

    I have to agree with the previous commenters who are kissing this site goodbye. Everybody’s entitled to their own list of priorities, but it turns my stomach to read such blatant disregard for living creatures whose right to live free of abuse is as fundamental as our own. All of the animals on the planet, including human children, would be better off if we had more respect for life and less tolerance for abuse in any form. Bye.

  47. i’m quitting this site too after 6 years; shitty comments like that deserve to be boycotted. really, who gives a fuck about humans? there’s over 7 billion of us, and most animals are being put straight on the endangered or extinct lists these days thanks to PEOPLE. i’m sure, even after nuclear wars, that there will be human survivors. nothing will ever completely wipe us out. so don;t fear human-lovers, we will always be available to destroy everything. but the animals, be fucking thankful that we still have them in our world and you can tell your useless future spawn that you got to live in a world where these magnificent creatures used to live. i’m serious when i say these creatures serve more purpose than half the people i see/know. trees will become a novelty as well, like the holographic tree in futurama: ‘this tree was erected to commemorate a real tree’. ha! if only that were a joke

  48. Olivia Munn looks Amazing in these topless photos for FHM Magazine – January 2012 issue
    http://www.trendrabbit.com/2011/12/olivia-munn-poses-topless-for-hot-fhm-magazine-photoshoot/

  49. thamichraibi

    beauté tres sexy femme jolie jaime trop voire suivre et trouve

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