Olivia Munn Left Aaron Rodgers? No Shit, He Made Her Live In Wisconsin

If you actually gave a shit about Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn’s relationship in the first place, please give me your address because I’d like to send you a box of live locusts. When I found out that they were breaking up, I asked my waitress at TGI Friday’s to make my double T-Mobile Mango Mojito  to-go so I could get back here and let you all know how much I:

A) Drank during lunch…

B) Loathe Green Bay, Wisconsin…

C) Am not surprised Olivia wanted out.

Dating one of the most dedicated athletes in the NFL for three years translates to about six months of actual “regular people time” they probably got to spend together. All the while, they were living in Green Bay which is basically a more-cultish and grown up version of a college football town. If Green Bay didn’t have a football team, it would lose all hope and the children would all start getting deformities until it devolved into looking like a Resident Evil-type ghost town..

Neither Aaron Rodgers nor Olivia Munn have commented anything on the matter, but one of their nosy buddies who wanted to score a free Uber ride told someone at People that they were “on two different pages in life.”

Probably because the Rodgers family is a real life version of the one in “Get Out”. Check out this clip from when Aaron’s dweeby bro-bro was on The Bachelor and his mom talks about locking them inside the gates of the property with this crazy Stepford Wives look…

Heads up, Green Bay, if Aaron turns out like your last quarterback, then the ladies in that small meatpacking town are going to need to upgrade their cloud storage to make room for a HAARP-storm of dick pics that are about to start going around…