The always classy OJ Simpson is “throwing his hat into the ring” and claiming that he might be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. A videographer who amassed a ton of footage of OJ Simpson says:
“He said he knew Anna Nicole pretty well, and he said he had slow-moving sperm, and he might be the father.”
Simpson also allegedly told him:
“I hope they don’t do a DNA test on Anna Nicole’s baby. If they find out Dannielynn is mine, I don’t want Fred Goldman trying to seize her money – or the baby herself.”
I’m not sure if OJ Simpson is even a person anymore. Every time he’s in the news he sounds like some sort of evil mythological being. If you asked a group of children if they knew who OJ Simpson was they’d probably tell you he was just a story their parents made up to scare them into behaving. Like the boogyman, only less believable.
irshliquor | March 7, 2007 at 8:42 am
FIRST
I hate the juice.
christine | March 7, 2007 at 8:44 am
Slow moving sperm?…like he had sex with her 13 years ago and now he’s the father of her incredibly white baby? Now that I think of it, it kinda makes sense.
rtnmac | March 7, 2007 at 8:46 am
Why wont that fucker DIE already??? Sweet jesus titty-fucking christ, i hate that guy. And I think he meant to say he KILLED Anna Nicole, not IMPREGNATED her.
Impregnated her with a big-ass knife.
2for2true | March 7, 2007 at 8:47 am
If the rubber fits, you iz de shitz.
C,mon….everyone knows I’m Danielynn’s daddy.
Ramdonomo | March 7, 2007 at 8:49 am
#4? That’d be funny, but if the rubber fits? He AIN’T teh shitz.
Plus, now? People just be makin’ shit up. Her POOL BOY was that baby’s daddy. I mean, what? Come ON. Do the DNA test, every man in North America, Europe and Asia over the age of TEN has to submit DNA and we’ll go from there.
Jeebus Christo.
scienceguy | March 7, 2007 at 8:50 am
Dead man walking. Why has this site become so fucking boring. It used to be interesting with characters like “Papahotnuts”, “Chicagoboy” etc. What the hell happened?
DingleberryJam | March 7, 2007 at 8:51 am
Maybe his sperm was driven by Al Cowling’s sperm in a tiny, white, sperm bronco to her ovaries.
EccoTheRobot | March 7, 2007 at 8:52 am
Wait…. People are still having sex with O.J. Simpson?? Didn’t we collectively decide that this was a bad idea in 1994 when he was arrested for killing his wife?
What is wrong with these people?? Hmm, Howard K. Stern, O.J. Simpson, Myself, and that other guy all have sets of keys too… maybe I’m Dannielynn’s father!
jrzmommy | March 7, 2007 at 8:53 am
I’ve seen pictures of the baby and she doesn’t have any prosimian features.
chubbs | March 7, 2007 at 8:54 am
LMAO thats almost as good as if he didnt kill ron and nicole
RichPort | March 7, 2007 at 8:55 am
He didn’t have sex with her, he just did a little necking.
meee | March 7, 2007 at 8:55 am
dude, why dont they just do the goddamn paternity test already?!?! fuck! they do that shit on maury in like a 48 hour period and it’s taking like 7 months for anna nicole’s kid. this is fucking stupid.
ZaZ | March 7, 2007 at 8:57 am
His kid did it.
Niecy | March 7, 2007 at 8:58 am
His next book will be called “If I Hit It”
clairargent | March 7, 2007 at 9:03 am
Where does this giant piece of shit find the nerve to even leave his house?
DIE OJ
biatcho | March 7, 2007 at 9:04 am
Dude has been playing way too much golf at the country clubs, he has apparently forgotten he is black. Has he not seen the baby pictures of this kid??
vandelayindustries | March 7, 2007 at 9:16 am
Wow, cocaine must be one helluva drug, he’s had so much, it’s altered his dna, so he can now father incredibly white babies
elizabeththewellread | March 7, 2007 at 9:27 am
I hate OJ, too, but it’s Anna Nicole, so you never know. My boyfriend keeps insisting it’s his.
TashaVin` | March 7, 2007 at 9:27 am
*disgruntled looks* this… Is stupid. We’ve all wanted to kill ppl before, but this jack ass can do it and get away with it. The wonderful thing is that we all know he did it, and he’s a flunky now……. BORING NEWS SUPERFISH
THanks for the Jolie-Pitt’s, they’re eyecandy.
Just Some Girl | March 7, 2007 at 9:30 am
this is so not plausible. the baby is white, for one thing, and if his sperm are so slow, don’t you think the faster sperm from one of the other 20 guys she was doing it with woulda gotten there first??
Celetina | March 7, 2007 at 9:31 am
You’re—it’s—I’m—
How can someone so disgusting possibly exist?
TashaVin` | March 7, 2007 at 9:33 am
Know what – Fuck all this. I’m Dannilynn’s bio parent. Let’s see if I can get 15 minutes of fame. But… Maybe she did screw him, his other relationship sort of got choppy… and then… She, and her lover (i think) died. WHy not murder anna and her son? Sounds plausable… OJ DID IT! (Again)
karifarrell | March 7, 2007 at 9:33 am
Obviously he didn’t get the memo…..ANS didn’t leave the baby anything…..
What a freak of nature.
DrunkBlogger | March 7, 2007 at 9:48 am
Typical O.J. He is mad that he isn’t a part of the new trial of the century and had to get his name in there. What a douchebucket.
guymorgan | March 7, 2007 at 9:48 am
He hopes they don’t do a DNA test because it will show it isn’t his baby, and he is trying to get attention.
thee cuteness burger | March 7, 2007 at 9:49 am
OJ is disgusting. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s one of the regular commenters on The Superficial. Same sense of “humor”.
F-Sucker | March 7, 2007 at 9:51 am
This might be the funniest and saddest thing I’ve ever heard.
diarrhea riot | March 7, 2007 at 9:58 am
I hope that poor excuse for a turd OJ dies of gonorrhea.
Soon.
ikoiko | March 7, 2007 at 10:01 am
Tap-Dancin’ Mohammeds, I wish this guy would never be seen, quoted, fed, anything, ever.
Go away murderer…
eastboundanddown | March 7, 2007 at 10:12 am
Back when I was whacking off to Anna Nicole’s Playboy issue when I was 14 years old I fantasized about having sex with her. Who knew had I shown up within 100 feet of her I probably could’ve had sex with her. Everyone else did.
Tits_McGhee | March 7, 2007 at 10:13 am
Dannielynn’s not even half black! She’s clearly white! Negro please!
You know who would make a great father for little Dannielynn? Screech. I mean, he could teach her everything from avoiding getting shoved in a locker to avoiding dirty Sanchez’s. It’s a perfect match!
mika85 | March 7, 2007 at 10:22 am
what an attention whore.
jrzmommy | March 7, 2007 at 10:53 am
Dear God:
Remember the other day when you asked if I’d like anything and I said, “Not right now, but thanks.”? Well, I do have something…….please let OJ Simpson slip on a puddle of his own piss while holding a running chainsaw. Can you arrange for something like that?
Thanks!
Always–
Jrzmommy
ffordegroupie | March 7, 2007 at 10:57 am
Okay, he’s officially an attention whore. We’ve seen Dannielynn for many months now, and she’s obviously not biracial. She’s BLONDE, for crying out loud.
When are they gonna do the damn test? Doesn’t it take only an hour or something? Just test the baby with the men and find out whose baby she is!
LiLiMe | March 7, 2007 at 11:23 am
What the fuck is wrong with him!?! Why hasn’t anyone had a hit out on him yet?
4DPants | March 7, 2007 at 11:40 am
“Slow-moving sperm.” HAHahahahahafucking HA!
Ramdonomo | March 7, 2007 at 11:41 am
#14 for the win. :D
anothershityear | March 7, 2007 at 11:42 am
this suddenly opens up an opportunity for this guy
OJ can write a new book for EVERY WOMAN he ever had sex with, detailing how he would violently murder her if he had the chance to, and release it the minute she dies
can even start his own company for this line:
Guilty Of Murder But Let Off Hook By Ignorant Impatient Jury Publishers, Unlimited
Courtney Love has a book-or-two for that publisher, as well
Ted...From LA | March 7, 2007 at 12:14 pm
So, is it possible it was his sperm driving the white Bronco?
DecorativePoncho | March 7, 2007 at 12:18 pm
I’ll never forget the folks I saw celebrating on the streets of NY when he was acquitted. I hope they see now they were assholes.
86 | March 7, 2007 at 12:32 pm
To all you people who don’t think a black man can father a white baby – you forget about Paris, Prince Michael and Prince Michael II.
Bwahahahaha.
C..c..cuz Michael’s not really their dad either. Get it? Hahaha.
Ted...From LA | March 7, 2007 at 12:32 pm
So OJ is an asshole? Next thing you’ll be telling me Captain America is dead.
86 | March 7, 2007 at 12:33 pm
14 that was seriously fucking brilliant hahahahaha
Jim Treacher | March 7, 2007 at 12:45 pm
If the kid ain’t tan, he can’t be the man!
Stink | March 7, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Next, OJ claims to have killed Captain America. Film at 11.
Craig & "em" | March 7, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Since everyone else rhyming…
“If the baby’s hair is nappy, then OJ might be the pappi”
fame is funny | March 7, 2007 at 1:13 pm
OJ is from bizarro-world. He does the opposite of what anyone else would do normally.
wedgeone | March 7, 2007 at 1:18 pm
#7 – HA-HA! I remember that footage. A low-speed chase.
Also agreeing with #43.
#34 – Not sure what pics you’ve seen recently, because the ones that came out after she was born had dark hair, not blonde. If you have links to current Daniellynn pics, plz post them.
#44 summed it all up. Nothing more needs to be said.
HollyJ | March 7, 2007 at 1:34 pm
“If it doesn’t spit, you must acquit”
HollyJ | March 7, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Danielynn doesn’t have much hair, but what she has ain’t dark brown or black, that’s fo shizzle…
http://www.skynews.com.au/photos/SkyNews_Image_20070210225814.jpg