O.J. Simpson DGAF About That Knife

“Your bloody jeans are still on the wall at Applebee’s right next to the lacrosse sticks and nobody’s ever noticed!”
“Haha, getting a way with murder is fun!”

Because a dump truck of physical evidence never mattered before, the knife police found – and hilariously kept to brag about at parties – isn’t even causing O.J. Simpson to break a sweat. In fact, he even came up with a clever rhyme about it, just like the one his lawyer who died of guilt cancer used that time he got acquitted of the murders he obviously committed. Who doesn’t love a hilarious callback? Via Page Six:

“O.J. has a saying,” retired prison guard Jeffrey Felix, who befriended Simpson in Nevada’s Lovelock Correctional Center, told me. “‘If the knife is rusted, I can’t be busted.’”

“It’s funny because people died and I got away with killing them! *raises hands* Up top, fellas!” he probably continued. And the dipshit guards at his jail probably laughed right along then slipped a hooker in through a laundry cart because apparently O.J.’s living his best life in there. No, really.

“He thinks it’s a total joke,” Felix — author of “Guarding the Juice,” in bookstores next Wednesday — said. “O.J. is laughing about it. He’s on top of his game. He’s like Muhammad Ali.” “He says almost every construction worker carries one of those folding knives. Anyone could have dropped it.”

Jesus. Christ. “The top of his game.” First we learn that Chomo Fogle is not only not fat again, but is on pace to break the prison record for the fifty yard dash, and now we learn that O.J. is basically living the Goodfellas prison scene in real life. I swear to God if Bill Cosby goes to jail and becomes the Mumia Abu-Jamal of nutless rape apologists, I will express my outrage as impotently as possible by writing another post in which I shamelessly link naked dick pics and/or joke about how shitty it is to be alive.

Nailed it.

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Photo: Getty