As part of MTV’s initiative to make me perpetually bleed from the cornea, Snooki was once again wedged into a swimsuit for a day of filming Jersey Shore in Miami. I personally love the part where Pauly D pretends she’s physically attractive enough to dry hump because you know they whipped out the contract on that one. “Line 24b: ‘MTV reserves the right to place your penis in, near or around hazardous material because we’re paying you a little shits an unholy amount of money thanks to losing a drunken bet with Satan. I want to die.'” (Actual clause.)

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