Oh, Shut Up, Hilary Duff

April 27th, 2012 // 35 Comments
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Posted by Photo Boy

Because I know how special it is to sit at work, a job that you possibly have just to shell out hundreds of dollars a month to have your kid in daycare, I thought you’d be as riveted as I was by the harrowing tale of Hilary Duff‘s interrupted two weeks of sleep before her baby turned into some sort of infinitely happy mythical creature that never cries and sleeps on a convenient schedule already. As soon as you’re done spitting and punching holes in drywall, People has the rest of the story:

“The first week I was like, ‘I’m doing this, I’m good. I can not sleep, I can do this.’ I don’t know where you get that energy from,” Duff, 24, tells PEOPLE. “Then it hits you — the fatigue.”… But two weeks later the late-night feedings turned a corner and Luca has been nothing short of a star sleeper, the proud mama raves.

See, everybody out there whose kid just pissed through a diaper and entirely new outfit that you just changed minutes ago, parenting’s a breeze right? There’s nothing quite like hearing a celebrity talk about how their fantastically awesome life has been nothing but improved by a new baby. She even goes on to say that the kid laughs when he has gas. FUCKING LAUGHS! The only possible explanation — Other than this is entirely horseshit — that I can come up with is that she passed onto this child whatever benevolent gene causes you to instinctively dole out bj’s upon proposal of marriage and yes, we’re back to that. NEVER FORGET!

Photo: INFdaily


  1. Brooke

    Whoa, Fish. As much as I enjoy your rants…uh… maybe it’s just me but I missed the annoying part about what she said. Maybe the full article is more rage inducing, I don’t know.

    • Whoopi

      I would have to agree with you Brooke. It’s what most new Moms would say.

    • I’m behind Fish on this one. Our kid starting sleeping through the night at four months. I’m still scared to mention that to most parents for fear of being beaten senseless.

      • Brooke

        Whoops, this was a Photo Boy post.

        My friend’s kid slept through the night when he was little little, then a few months in he started waking up, then he went back to sleeping peacefully. My sister-in-law had one kid who started sleeping peacefully after just a month, but her second keeps her up all the time. He’s four months old and she basically doesn’t sleep.

        I think I would be more annoyed if Duff talked about how easy taking care of babies was only to admit she actually paid a nanny to do everything or something. Celebrities like that piss me off.

    • kimmykimkim

      Yeah, it must be one of those low content days. Because I’m not seeing the big deal here either.

  2. Deacon Jones

    Shame on you for wasting my time!

  3. Dude of Dudes

    If I had millions of dollars raising my kids (read: Octomom Program) would be a breeze.

  4. Wow

    Holy shit! I just saw her face and thought it was Adele. No joke.

    • elephantman

      HAHA!! Me too!!

      • Gogo

        Mixed-race look black often or look like light-skinned blacks but the direnfefce is that they have a white parent whereas people who look mixed-race do not. So if it was all about the looks many could see themselves as mixed race even though they have two black parents.Look at Boris Kodjoe, he is mixed-race half German but looks like he is 100% black. His wife looks more mixed than him, almost white and she is afro-american with native american ancestors too.Its about the blood, not the looks

  5. Photo Boy is correct on this one. When something like this happens to Celebrities (term used extremely loosely) they act as thought they are the only ones to go through these things.

    I do believe women have been known to give birth before this girl was ever thought about.

  6. Run-DMS

    The millionaire wife of a millionaire hockey player (who is going to inherit a nine-figure fortune) shouldn’t be asked about the travails of motherhood. Her world is nothing like yours, unless you also happen to be obscenely wealthy.

  7. Drew

    I’m sure instructing your team of nannies is tiring. Woe is you, Hilary Duff.

  8. Crispy Anus

    Only retards have kids before the age of 30.

  9. Maybe all the milk the kid’s drinking from those huge udders is knocking him out? Lucky bastard.

  10. h-train

    I think the bigger deal is that Duff-man still looks like a nose tackle. Breast feeding is supposed to knock off the pounds.

  11. Buddy The Elf

    … because all of us parents know how tough it is with house cleaners, nannies, 7 or 8 figures in the bank and no worry about paying your mortgage or showing up for your job…

  12. Insensitive bitch. But I’d STILL fuck her, and suck those milk duds dry while I was at it.

  13. I’d still fuck her. Her tits are huge now.

  14. Hilary Duff Huge Lactating Boobs
    Commented on this photo:

    I just can’t believe that’s the same anorexic girl that was in Cheaper by the Dozen 2. Let’s see a photo comparison?

  15. Burt

    She looks cute in these pictures.

  16. Pooter

    Wow, she’s effin fat.

  17. Hilary Duff Huge Lactating Boobs
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like LiLo here, wtf?

  18. Tyler

    Give her a break Photo Boy. The girl was pregnant for almost two years, let her rant.

  19. eeysh

    this post is more drunkenstepfather than thesuperficial.

  20. impudent

    Babies go through a growth spurt around that age and they sleep a lot longer for a few days. Then they’re back to normal, up every two hours. I’m sure she’s back in parenting zombie land with the rest of us by now.

  21. SeeAlice

    Hillary has ruined herself . That looks nothing like Hillary Duff .

  22. The Supermaiesiophiliac


  23. yourfuckinmama

    her comment was spot on. i dont see the big deal. my first kid never slept, still doesnt. my second kid is awesome. her statement is spot on.

  24. jen

    pretty sure you overreacted on this one, man. all she said was that her kid didn’t sleep through the night at first, and now he does. big deal. I’ve known enough new parents to know every single baby is different. if anything she was saying she doesn’t know how other new moms do it and that she is fortunate he is sleeping better now.

  25. elaine

    For all you Hilary haters she will be in shape in notime then what you gonna say !!!! God Bless all children are Gods Blessings !!!!!!

  26. Hilary Duff Huge Lactating Boobs
    Commented on this photo:

    Hilary is a pump station….!!

  27. Monique

    Hi Bea, toll, dass Dir der Look gefe4llt! Die Federn kannst Du enwtdeer bei uns im Shop kaufen, oder sie Dir direkt im Salon einsetzen lassen! Wenn Du nicht aus Berlin kommst, schicken wir Dir die Federn auch gerne zu! Am besten meldest Du Dich einfach unter bei uns!

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