Kim Kardashian premiered her single “Jam” on KIIS FM with Ryan Seacrest this morning, and it’s pretty much everything you’d imagine it to be: An auto-tuned, emotionless pile of vapid unoriginality that somehow manages to capture how annoying this whole family is and transform it into sound. Seriously, she doesn’t even sing. She just says words in a monotone voice. I’ve heard more excitement from Khloe’s diet pill voiceovers and she was trapped in a room with no access to steak for an hour. Or legally dead if we’re arguing semantics.
Photos: Splash News, WENN
She’s single? Woot, Kim, here I come!
hahahaha…. anyways. I listened to the single this morning and i wondered if they couldn’t at least have done a better job with the actual music. it’s AWFUL
@gogo Where are you going? To clear her table? She’s just sang a song where 3/4 of the lyrics were about paying bills and getting paid. She’s only interested in one thing.
…i thought she was only interested in getting her doughnut on
This song is as dreadfully fake as her body parts/face.
“Theys playin’ my jam…”
:: Shoots self ::
“pay’n my bills, bi-ii-ii-lls”
Jesus
Holy shit. Right? Fucking horrible. God this is depressing. I know kids with flip-phones that could drop better music.
I guess Montag has some company in the DJ-ugg club.
Hahaha, so true! Did all the surgeries affect their hearing? How could she hear this and honestly say “I am proud of this and want people to hear it”?
So she debuted the “song” on the radio show of the guy that is the executive producer of her TV show?
This seems legit…Seacrest isn’t gonna make anything off of this….
No shit! But, anyone willing to part with their hard-earned cash to purchase anything having to do with KK, presented by Ryan Semencrust, deserves to be subject to an assault on the senses, and this definitely fits the bill.
Oh, and DIE, BITCH!!!
save your time…it sucks
I made it through 1:27.
yeah, it’s one of those things where you don’t really need to know how it ends. period.
I made it to 2:40 but I would rather stab my eardrums out with knitting needles than hear 1 millisecond more of that shit!
^Khloe, you need to show better support for your sister
#FAIL
two thumbs down. sounds like a robot that is coming down with the cold.
I wish I had more hands so I could give that song, ass, career 4 thumbs down!
Was this produced by Kevin Federline?
lol, Honestly, Kevin Federline’s song was waaaay better than this. Even the few Paris Hilton singles were 500% better. Doesn’t she have enough money to pay someone to make this better?
awful. aaa-aaa-aawful
THAT IS HORRIBLE!!!
SHE SHOULD STICK TO SEXTAPES!!!
THAT IS HORRIBLE!!!
SHE SHOULD STICK TO SEXTAPES!!!
THAT IS HORRIBLE!!!
SHE SHOULD STICK TO SEXTAPES!!!
“I’ve never sang before…”
Um, Kim, technically speaking, you still haven’t. Yikes. That’s bad even by the low standards of crappy club music.
i’d rather listen to another man’s turds splash in the toiletbowl from a stall over
and smell them as well
kim k’s anal aroma could gag even the most hardcore diarrhea enthusiast. it could also choke a pig farmer (like kris jenner, who raises pigs and then sells their manure to the viewing public). fuck me… i should get paid for this writing this gold!
It reminds me of Dethklok- Fan Song, except it’s not catchy or funny, and she’s genuinely trying to kill her fans with whatever that was.
Candy, tastes like chicken, if chicken was a candy.
When I was in college I tried to make it as a musician by playing drums in crappy bars. Now I see that I just should have had a giant ass and taped myself sucking black dong for the internet.
It’s never too late to follow your dreams!
lol Maplewood let’s hope you weren’t in the crappy columbia SC bars doing it. ;)
Just proving that she is completely devoid of talent.
“Whip My Hair” has just slipped to #2 on the list of Songs That Fill Me With Blind, Pathological Rage.
MELODYC SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol
You know what those two songs need? A mashup. I’ll be over here waiting for Seacrest to debut “I Whip My Ass Back and Forth”.
Ah jeez, can’t we go a week without this bitch?
I was thinking the same thing – and I almost said so yesterday but didn’t wanna jinx it! And now, this?? Whew.
At least they airbrushed out the cleavage roadmap this time.
honestly one of the worst things i have ever heard that is still billed as music. it’s worse than montag’s song, considerably worse. the vocals are atrocious, the lyrics are terrible, and the production isn’t any better. there is literally not a single positive that can be said about this and I can come up with something positive to say about ‘whip my hair’.
i’m sure it will earn that bitch a cool half mil though.
I think Britney could do a better job on a McFlurry high.
hahahahaha! i guess getting pissed on by an ex-boyfriend on video really DOES WONDERS for the career.
She is saying “Gag gag gag gag” riiiight?
she’s certainly saying gag.
she also says something about “we gon potty then we gonna potty some more”. I’m sure it goes into more detail about golden showers, but I quit listening.
Wow. Those eyelashes. I think I saw one of them in my basement scuttling toward the drain in the floor right before I smushed it with a broom handle. Or maybe it was just a relative. R.I.P.
When was the last time anyone used the word ‘Jam’ anyway?
i heard some limey say it when he was talking about toast.
I’m gonna wait for the Sasquatch remix “Toe Jam”…
I’m sure her saying “I’ve never sang before…” really makes those people with real talent feel happy that they’re working hard at it.
i think it’s pronounced “samsquanch”.
“An auto-tuned, emotionless pile of vapid unoriginality that somehow manages to capture how annoying this whole family is and transform it into sound.”
After reading that I was expecting to hear a really wet shart. Imagine my disappointment, Fish, to find that 2 seconds into it you’d overhyped the whole thing.
“Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off…”
Sounds good!
It’s not THAT bad. Sounds like almost every other stupid club tune today. I think it’s better than Heidi’s.
I hate to say but I disagree. Heidi’s was actually better than this which is pretty fucking sad!
“They play in my jam”
What flavor of jam would that be? Armenian Cellulite Marmalade?
Way to phone it in, Kim. This single has as much energy as she exerts in her Sketchers Shape-Ups. (ie: None) The worst. This bitch needs to OD. It is the only way she would ever be remotely interesting.
I knew that I would hate it before I listened. Then I listened, and it made me want to punch a nun in the ovary. Straight shot. Right to the baby maker!
Ugh. That was so painful, it makes her less attractive than she already was…and her stock is already in the toilet. Not just any toilet, but one along a hiking trail with years worth of fluids and fecal matter festering into a stew that must be the inspiration for her “music.”
Sounds like Ke$sa had an ass, boob, hair, and face transplant.
All that money and she couldn’t hire someone to make her sound better than that? She makes Heidi sound angelic by comparison……..
I think with her butt it should have been titled “Jelly”.
there are so many talented people out there, and they record that?
She sounds like the bastard child of Eeyore and Heidi Montag
As depressed as Eeyore seems, he would never..
oh boy i can’t wait to never head it
fuck off kartrashians
That couldn’t suck worse! Yuck!
Well, I guess the “music for people who hate music” demographic has been fully exploited now.
+1
….if I hear this playing at my gym I’m going to start throwing shit
This will puump you uuuup – with a white-hot revulsion that bubbles into the rage of a thousand roids
How many animals died for the fur around her eyes?
The experience of listening to it is like stripping her naked, getting her down on all fours, and then encountering bits of soiled toilet paper that fermented after being trapped in her asscrack for a month.
We didn’t she just autotune herself gargling cum for 5 minutes?
At least THAT would’ve sounded artistic.
“I’m going to potty then potty some more” wtf?
She has a really gigantic ass.
Yeah not only is her ass huge but her shits actually have their own show. It’s called Jersey Shore.
I wonder when guy near her mentions that he’s “going to take a piss” she instinctively opens her mouth.
You know, I finally found her sextape online and the fuckers edited that part out. I was pissed.
Mmm, as if her spoken voice isn’t annoying enough on its own, she had to add a thunderous beat to it.
It doesn’t even sound remotely like her. I guess autotune did the world a service for once.
She could have been a winner if she covered that “Let Me Ride That Donkey” song.
You know what this song needs? Wookie samples.
I listened with an opened mind, and made it all the way through the song. But it really sucks! What piece of shit song. Terrible.
Daaamnnn! That is one hot jam! It’s already on my iPod…
We’ll be there shortly to take you away. Pack your shit.