As a rule of thumb, if the media’s already given you a nickname that ends in “mom,” your best is to keep your mouth shut and pray to God no one ever finds the bodies from your first attempt at child-rearing. Unfortunately, Tan Mom has practically been blood in the water for horrible moms looking for a quick scapegoat to point to and go, “See! She’s shittier than I am.” Which would probably work if you aren’t Snooki, or in this case, Octomom who decided over the weekend to tell TMZ Tan Mom needs parenting classes. Octomom said that:
Octo, fully clothed, said she doesn’t feel that Patricia Krentcil should lose her kids, but she does feel Child Protective Services should step in to give Krentcil some parenting tips.
Let’s just use basic math on this one without even getting into how fucking crazy both of these two are: Tan Mom tried to put one kid in a tanning booth. Octomom has 14 kids she can’t afford, so she leaves them in a piss-and-shit dungeon while she blows her porn paychecks on spray tans and Brazilian blowouts. So one of these people is just a giant moron with one poor victim, and the other one is en route to becoming the goddamn Hitler of parents. Not to mention, Tan Mom is probably going to die from stage-27 melanoma tomorrow and Octomom’s apparently a fitness addict, so her kids gave up on that dream a long time ago. “Listen up, bad news, everybody. The bitch is on the paleo-diet now, so we’re back to storing rat poison pellets until we have enough to go around. Nobody’s getting left behind, alright? Nobody.”