Obama Releases Birth Certificate

April 27th, 2011 // 212 Comments

“Robot HOOUUUUSEEEE! I mean, Obama.”

President Obama apparently woke up this morning and decided to see how many times he could make Donald Trump‘s toupee spin because he just released his supposedly mythical long form Hawaiian birth certificate which is now available on the White House blog:

The President believed the distraction over his birth certificate wasn’t good for the country. It may have been good politics and good TV, but it was bad for the American people and distracting from the many challenges we face as a country. Therefore, the President directed his counsel to review the legal authority for seeking access to the long form certificate and to request on that basis that the Hawaii State Department of Health make an exception to release a copy of his long form birth certificate. They granted that exception in part because of the tremendous volume of requests they had been getting.
At a time of great consequence for this country – when we should be debating how we win the future, reduce our deficit, deal with high gas prices, and bring stability to the Middle East, Washington, DC, was once again distracted by a fake issue. The President’s hope is that with this step, we can move on to debating the bigger issues that matter to the American people and the future of the country.

Of course, the most hilarious part about all this is like it means anything. The people, unlike Donald Trump, who genuinely believe Obama is a secret Kenyan assassin plotting to turn the Constitution into Sharia Law wouldn’t be convinced he’s an American if they watched him be birthed on Texas soil in the backseat of a Chevrolet filled with apple pie. The guy could spear Osama Bin Laden through the chest with a bald eagle, yelling “Free markets, HOOOOO!” and they’d still be sitting there going, “Yeah, I dunno. Maybe if he didn’t have black skin. Not trying to be racist!”

UPDATE: Someone’s got a boner. Via TMZ:

“Today I’m very proud of myself, because I’ve accomplished something that no one else has been able to accomplish.”
Trump added, “I want to look at it, but I hope it’s true so that we can get on to much more important matters … he should have done it a long time ago.”
He continued, “I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully getting rid of this issue.”
As for the actual document, Trump added, “We have to look at it, we have to see … is it real? Is it proper? What’s on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully.”

Read: “Shit, he actually released it? That’s, uh, that’s what I wanted all along. Yes… yes… *rubs chin*

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Obama Birth Certificate
    reformed_druid
    Commented on this photo:

    Word processors didn’t exist in 1961, this was done with a word processor.

  2. Obama Birth Certificate
    j
    Commented on this photo:

    every president should be required to make his birth certificate public. Barack “nose candy” obama should have done this years ago. We know more about john mccains class rank at annapolis and gw bush’s transcripts than we did about barry’s birth origin, which by the way is kinda, sorta a constitutional requirement. But, who follows that thing, its not like you have to ask congress to unilaterally bomb libya.

  3. ummm

    donald is a digusting old white pig. i hope all these men get old and die off. the country will be better.

    • Jovy

      It’s like there’s a monstrously obese woman out there giving birth to old, wealthy white men. And alongside her is an equally obese yet black woman giving birth to self righteous black reverends.

  4. derp

    Proven by whom? This guy on facebook?

  5. ethermonk

    For what it’s worth, the PDF has been electronically altered. Open it in Illustrator. It’s not a clean scan. And all they had to do was click “flatten”. God, progressives are dumb-asses …

    • LJ

      This is why Obama never bother with this before. The idiots will never believe anything that the black guys says.

  6. Obama Birth Certificate
    Joe
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t give a crap if he was born in Afghanistan or that his uncle was the fuhrer. If he solves our gas prices, unemployment, brings the troops home, stop foreclosures, heals global warming and saves a baby seal (you get the idea). I will follow him to the end, it shouldn’t matter where he is born its what he does.

  7. Cardinal Fang

    I’d rather see the document that said he wasn’t our president.

  8. Keithypoo

    A. He released it because he’s not a petty little bitch and wants this fiasco to stop because I’m sure it gets f@cking ANNOYING.

    B. Donald Trump is an asshole. He has made a living by screwing the system time and time again. He should be taken out back, have his toupee removed, and have a pineapple shoved up his rectum.

    C. The American people, as a collective, need to stop listening to this bullshit. It honestly disgusts me that my “fellow countrymen” are so up in arms about Obama’s “legitimacy” as an American citizen. This is what we’re worried about? You don’t think people looked into this? IT IS A REQUIREMENT TO BECOME PRESIDENT. IF YOU DON’T THINK THIS WAS THOROUGHLY LOOKED INTO, THEN, YOU ARE IN FACT F$CKING RETARDED BEYOND REPAIR. Obama is literally trying to clean up the absolute abomination of a government and economy we were left with from Bush. This isn’t a Republican/Democrat issue. This is a “Our last president screwed us so bad that nobody will be able to fix it” issue. But it’s ok, because we’re more concerned with what couple got kicked off of Dancing With the Stars.

    2012 can’t come soon enough. The Earth deserves a reboot.

  9. i feel like a lot of people commenting are dropouts of coney island college. Go white fish!

  10. Yackem

    “Deacon Jones | April 27, 2011 at 10:46 am

    DEMAGOGUERY: The Republican strategy for gaining political power by appealing to the ignorance, prejudices, emotions, fears, vanities and expectations of the public”

    Just like the Democratic response to Paul Ryan’s budget proposal:
    http://twitter.com/#!/NancyPelosi/status/55278791643234304

    Do Democrats not remember that President Obama’s signature health care law was funded in part by a $500 billion cut from Medicare?

    My problem with President Obama is that he is worked up about $4 billion in oil subsidies that he wants to reinvest in energy sources that don’t do what petroleum does. The ships and trains and trucks that haul goods can’t be powered by the sun or wind (and can’t be in the conceivable future). Nor can plastics and composites be made with sunshine or a summer breeze.

  11. Obama Birth Certificate
    barry soetoro
    Commented on this photo:

    fine, they printed a birth certificate. *etch that image “IMAGE” into your brain*

    but “who is barry soetoro”
    google that phrase and learn something that is actually NEWSWORTHY.

    Wake up people. Our vote doesn’t matter, the banksters and their friends are running the show all over the world.

  12. barry soetoro

    fine, they printed a birth certificate. *etch that image “IMAGE” into your brain*

    but “who is barry soetoro”
    google that phrase and learn something that is actually NEWSWORTHY.

    Wake up people. Our vote doesn’t matter, the banksters and their friends are running the show all over the world.

  13. Dr. Drew

    Now what’s Trump going to talk about??

  14. Dick Douche, Private Eye

    Well it looks like I really missed the party on this one, but I would just like to state that the thing I have always admired about the Tea Party is their ability to, um, get RESULTS. If you always doubted that Obama was really a US citizen you can now rest easy, because you were WRONG.
    (Flamers: I GUESS it’s true that Trump isn’t really Tea Party, I just put that part in to get a rise out of you.)

    • Rex Zeitgeist

      “you can now rest easy”

      They won’t, they’ll just move on to the next talking point: “Why did it take so long?”

      • Rex Zeitgeist

        Aaaand right on cue:

        Sarah Palin:

        Media: admit it, Trump forced the issue. Now, don’t let the WH distract you w/the birth crt from what Bernanke says today. Stay focused, eh?

        The Republican National Committee:

        Obama’s release of his birth cert. is a nice, but temporary distraction for him from high gas prices & a terrible economy

        Mitt Romney:

        What President Obama should really be releasing is a jobs plan

        Newt Gingrich:

        “All I would say is, why did it take so long?” Gingrich said. “The whole thing is strange.”

  15. Obama Birth Certificate
    haggard
    Commented on this photo:

    His birth certificate has been online for a long time. On the white house page…ever since all this “Hes not a citizen” stuff started forever ago

  16. LL

    Could Milania PLEASE pick this geriatric fool up and put him down for a nap.

  17. Snowball

    This kid produced his new birth certificate, freshly printed by agents who broke into the Hawaii records room and printed a fresh new ink smelly one. While this knucklehead was born in Kenya.. he is effectively American enough to be the frontman for the monied elite. Hell, we’ll do anything for a dollar!!!

  18. Obama Birth Certificate
    Elf
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t believe this for a second. If he was born in 1961, how come the birth certificate was in pdf-format? Hm?

  19. Evil Jim

    Barack’s dad signed the certificate one month before his mum!

    compare section 18b and 19b

    8-7-61
    8-8-61

    WTF

  20. Brooke

    I just can’t believe this is even still an issue… I saw the news and was like “Really? REALLY?” Living overseas, I don’t normally get updated very often on American politics, but if Donald Trump is seriously running for president, it’ll be interesting. I bet he wins… he’s on TV, so people who don’t pay attention to the debates will go “Oh! You’re Fired!! Hyuck-hyuck I know this guy…” and vote for him.

  21. Brianna

    BTW Jimmy Kimmel totally stole your joke last night..

    “wouldn’t be convinced he’s an American if they watched him be birthed on Texas soil in the backseat of a Chevrolet filled with apple pie.”

    Either you work for Jimmy Kimmel’s writing team or he’s ripping off your material.

  22. Obama Birth Certificate
    Mahogma
    Commented on this photo:

    This asshat has been bankrupt how many times? And he wants to lead the free world? I’ll take a Nigerian tribesman or an Al Qaeda operative over this loser.

  23. Donkeh

    lying tool who was the main one wasting all our time with this shit and now telling us, “Great, now we don’t have to waste our time on this stuff”. Asshole

  24. Obama Birth Certificate
    Commented on this photo:

    That is one ugly, smug mug!

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