O.J. Simpson Is Khloe Kardashian’s Dad

The National Enquirer isn’t exactly the most accurate publication known to man, mostly because this site is, but occasionally they nail one so far out of the park, aliens are peeing on it in a sex tape. Here they are solving the mystery of who put Khloe Kardashian into Kris Jenner’s whore-uterus behind Robert Kardashian’s back. Via The Daily Mail:

American tabloid The National Enquirer today ran a story that claimed the jailed former sportsman told friends that Khloe was his.
‘O.J. told me Khloe’s his child,’ a source is quoted as telling the publication.
They allege that Khloe’s mother Kris Jenner had several trysts with O.J. around the time Khloe was conceived.
They also point out the similarities Khloe shares with O.J.’s 26-year-old daughter Sydney.

They allege that O.J. boasted about his affair and told friends about a ‘secret love child’ he had.
‘O.J. bragged about his sex life and many female conquests, which he said included some of his best friends’ wives,’ yet another source told the National Enquirer.
He used to tell us way back – even before he and Nicole got divorced – that he had a love child with the wife of a wealthy family.

Now guess how I know this is true. Take a wild guess. — Kim Kardashian says it isn’t. That’s right!

Now we have all the answers! It makes sense now! Khloe u are so tan!

Of course, the only way to be certain O.J. Simpson is Khloe’s dad, not counting all that concrete scientific evidence I just gave you, is to find out if she’s ever murdered a blonde woman. I’m not talking an accidental mauling while rooting through a campsite for an open Snickers bar, I’m talking, “Bitch, you’re mine!” and stabbing somebody with a knife. It’s the only way to know.

Photos: Splash News