Now We’re Supposed To Believe Tom Cruise Is Banging Malin Akerman’s Sister. Her Female Sister.

Photo Boy | December 20, 2012 - 3:14 pm

Posted by Photo Boy

Just a few months ago, the anti-gay rumor squad known as Tom Cruise’s PR team squeezed out a log made entirely of these lies. But since Cameron Diaz is a full three feet taller than him and would never let him be a bottom, we’ve now got another completely believable story that isn’t at all built entirely on pictures of Tom standing next to someone’s sister who recently starred in a movie with him. via The Sun:

It was scripted for Tom and Malin to get it on on-screen but Tom and Jennifer hit it off naturally at the Stockholm premiere of his latest film Jack Reacher last week.

While there’s not a ton of information out there on Jennifer Akerman, we know that she is actually Malin Akerman’s sister and judging from this photo set, also clearly comfortable around small-statured homosexual men. Maybe that’s just a coincidence, or maybe this man is scared shitless that he didn’t properly tighten her genital suppression unit and Mr. Cruise is going to make him re-upholster the Mind-Rape Mobile. I don’t know, I’m not a detective, but it doesn’t take Kojak to know this face would send Tom screaming from the room. And into a highway rest stop. Am I making myself clear here?

Photo: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN