Posted by Photo Boy
Just a few months ago, the anti-gay rumor squad known as Tom Cruise‘s PR team squeezed out a log made entirely of these lies. But since Cameron Diaz is a full three feet taller than him and would never let him be a bottom, we’ve now got another completely believable story that isn’t at all built entirely on pictures of Tom standing next to someone’s sister who recently starred in a movie with him. via The Sun:
It was scripted for Tom and Malin to get it on on-screen but Tom and Jennifer hit it off naturally at the Stockholm premiere of his latest film Jack Reacher last week.
While there’s not a ton of information out there on Jennifer Akerman, we know that she is actually Malin Akerman‘s sister and judging from this photo set, also clearly comfortable around small-statured homosexual men. Maybe that’s just a coincidence, or maybe this man is scared shitless that he didn’t properly tighten her genital suppression unit and Mr. Cruise is going to make him re-upholster the Mind-Rape Mobile. I don’t know, I’m not a detective, but it doesn’t take Kojak to know this face would send Tom screaming from the room. And into a highway rest stop. Am I making myself clear here?
Photo: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
I have a disturbing feeling that the only reason you broke out a Kojak reference is because of the Vin Diesel remake that’s in the works. Tell me it’s not true, Fish. Tell me it’s not true.
Is the 1960s stewardess look a trend now?
Or shooting a new Lost In Space movie?
She looks very Stepford-y.
“Tom Cruise comes up to here on me … in his high heels.”
Uh, what exactly is occurring here with her face?
No shit, eh ? Ugh. Did I say ugh ? Ugh.
Now we know what it would look like if a human and a Cabbage Patch Kid mated.
looks like Tom’s minders have been slapping her around – nasty swelling
Is she storing nuts for winter in them cheeks?
the premier was in Stockholm? As in the syndrome?
it all fits.
She looks like a doll. I’m pretty sure she’s from the Uncanny Valley.
She’s his rebound fuck? Starting out low and humble , eh , Mr. Cruise ?
She likes it doggy style , or so Tom says.
Wow, that’s a chubby face. Never got rid of that baby fat , did you?
How old is this chick? Because she looks 12.
Djuna is SMOKING!
Makes sense. She’s a poor man’s Malin Akerman who’s a poor man’s Cameron Diaz.
Cameron Diaz is the poor man’s 1995 Cameron Diaz.
Val Kilmer in the re-make of Deliverance approves.
Puffiest cheeks I’ve seen
Something is not right with that face – it looks like a Thanksgiving Day Macy’s Parade balloon
Tom Cruise can have that fixed – To look more male.
Personally, I think she is adorable and makes Malin look like a boy.
She just doesn’t look – real.
So am I to assume Malin got the looks in that family?
She’s pretty hot. Way hotter than her sister ever was.
She walks around with that guy to feel like she has a bf thats not 5’3″, like Tom Cruise.
And next, they have some beautiful ocean-front property in Arizona they’d like to sell you. Dirt cheap, too!
Seriously, is this the best Xenu conjure up for his most loyal disciple?
She’s even had a nose job and she’s still fugly.
This isn’t any more ludicrous than Hugh Jackman and his beard wife Deb.