Nobody Bring Your Puffy Vaginas To The Grammys. No Puffy Vaginas Allowed.

Popes are still cool.

If you haven’t seen it by now, Deadline has obtained a letter from CBS to Grammy producers basically telling them not to let anyone even see a speck of female skin lest the heavens shall open above and smite us down for such brazen impurity. Keep in mind these are the same people who were completely cool with blowing Chris Brown last year. Although, in his defense, he probably made sure Rihanna was dressed conservatively before pounding her face into a car door. He’s a man of God after all. Anyway, here’s the actual wording straight from the email:

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure.

As much as I hate to say this, I will legitimately respect Lady GaGa as an artist if she’s sitting in a hotel room right now inflating her labia with a bicycle pump. I’m talking she shows up on the red carpet looking like that Joan Rivers gag about Anne Hathaway’s vagina. For I query you, was this country not founded on the principle of puffy genitals? Were we not born to posses extraneously cushy sex parts? If you pop our labia, do we not fly about the room until landing on the ceiling fan? THIS TYRANNY MUST NOT STAND!

Photos: Getty, Splash News

Tags: Grammys