Nobody Bring Your Puffy Vaginas To The Grammys. No Puffy Vaginas Allowed.

February 7th, 2013 // 36 Comments
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Popes are still cool.

If you haven’t seen it by now, Deadline has obtained a letter from CBS to Grammy producers basically telling them not to let anyone even see a speck of female skin lest the heavens shall open above and smite us down for such brazen impurity. Keep in mind these are the same people who were completely cool with blowing Chris Brown last year. Although, in his defense, he probably made sure Rihanna was dressed conservatively before pounding her face into a car door. He’s a man of God after all. Anyway, here’s the actual wording straight from the email:

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure.

As much as I hate to say this, I will legitimately respect Lady GaGa as an artist if she’s sitting in a hotel room right now inflating her labia with a bicycle pump. I’m talking she shows up on the red carpet looking like that Joan Rivers gag about Anne Hathaway‘s vagina. For I query you, was this country not founded on the principle of puffy genitals? Were we not born to posses extraneously cushy sex parts? If you pop our labia, do we not fly about the room until landing on the ceiling fan? THIS TYRANNY MUST NOT STAND!

Photos: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. And with that, there goes any chance of me watching the Grammys.

  2. elizabeth

    hilarious post

  3. Smapdi

    I have to send my grandma the same note every year, just before Christmas.

  4. DeucePickle

    But I’m a big fan of female breast nipples.

  5. Drew

    Oh America, never stop being so terrified of sexuality, because it’s utterly hilarious how you guys rationalize what’s “problematic” and what’s okay.

  6. CrashHell

    Dear Whores,

    Please refrain from coming to our Whore Show dressed like whores.

    Thank You,

    Grammys

  7. USDA Prime McBeef

    Even the puffiest vulva is less offensive than stinky vinaj’s face which is far less offensive than her “music” that will likely receive awards at that suck-each-other-off fest.

  8. joe

    I’m sure this has *nothing* to do with CBS reeling from Joe “Fucking Awesome” Flacco’s post-Super Bowl comments.

  9. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Some people don’t age well but I will admit he looked hot in Willow.. consequences be damned

  10. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if she knows the world can see her granny panties

  11. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    She should have covered her face too

  12. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    She should fire who ever let her out of the house

  13. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know about the strap.. perhaps just go nude.. she looks like she could pull it off

  14. As if I needed even more incentive to never watch that shit.

  15. Juch

    It seems odd to complain about sexuality at an event that is already a massive circle-jerk.

  16. 2012 Grammy Awards
    LockNLoad
    Commented on this photo:

    From gorgeous (Kate Beckinsale), to this. SMH

  17. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like a poorly executed female action figure.

  18. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Ripley's Believe It Or Not
    Commented on this photo:

    Malin Nochesttolookatforthisman

  19. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Her Majesty Clemency… And that merciful look at the plebs…. fucker.

  20. 2012 Grammy Awards
    anonym
    Commented on this photo:

    She always looks so happy.

    But we all know she’s a psycho bitch out of the public eye.

  21. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Fappuccino
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess Batman finally ate Robin.

  22. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Gwenyth Paltrow
    Commented on this photo:

    The GOOP Award Statuette for smugness goes to…

  23. Kate

    So… I’m the only person who read, “THIS TYRANNY MUST NOT STAND!” as, “THIS TRANNY MUST NOT STAND!”? You can’t use the word “tyranny” in a post referencing Lady Gaga and not expect some confusion.

  24. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Throb the Wonder Mule
    Commented on this photo:

    Gotta see what the titty fairy did for her ! !
    Topless at the beach as usual skank !

  25. 2012 Grammy Awards
    sfm
    Commented on this photo:

    Cant stand her, seriously shes an immature annoying bitch.

  26. 2012 Grammy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Pope Benedict XVI says he will resign and be Nicki Minaj’s hoody.

  27. 2012 Grammy Awards
    You Momma
    Commented on this photo:

    A black, butt-ugly version of Lady gaga that no one gives a shit about.

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