Noah Cyrus Never Stood A Chance

June 17th, 2014 // 44 Comments

If someone were to ask me who’s more hopelessly doomed: Noah Cyrus or Kendall and Kylie Jenner, my first response would be to shoot them in the teeth for asking me about work past 9 a.m. and be perfectly justified in doing so. #Merica After that, I’d eventually give it some thought before realizing fucked is just fucked, and go about my day thinking about literally anything more important. Like this penny for example. Will I place it in a jar? Or perhaps toss it in a well? Oh, what adventures it might have!

Photos: Instagram


  1. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    Aww he’s like a tiny Johnny Weir!

  2. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    Forwarded the photo to Child Protective Services. Let’s hope they can reach Noah in time before he changes into the bunny suit.

  3. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    She already has bigger tits than Miley

  4. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    This butt to butt needs more two headed dildo.

  5. Keno

    I love how none of the commenters are sure if it’s a girl or a boy. Thus ends the lesson on “Creative Child Naming”.

  6. dennis

    Now Miley’s rubbing her browneye on her sister?

  7. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    Instagram really should have given more thought before introducing the “Pedo Dream” filter.

  8. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    Now I know what I want for Christmas.

    Settle down, sickos. I meant a chromakey backdrop.

  9. malaka

    well, she’s infinitely cuter than hannah montana.
    and, she can keep her tongue in her mouth for more than 3 seconds.

    younger than her are merry mothers made.
    kinda like jamie lynn. ya know?

  10. Isn’t Noah a boy’s name? Wikipedia is listing Noah as Miley’s sister. Was Noah born a “boy” but grew up as a girl?

  11. Is America Japan now?

  12. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    “You’ve got your mother in a whirl/ Not sure if you’re a boy or a girl…”

    And nor are we, but you’d hope someone in the Cyrus family would’ve been smart enough to give the kids decent names.

    Not happening. Time to listen to David Bowie and drink a lot.

  13. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me or does anyone else noticed that Noah actually has a butt and Miley is sorely lacking in that department.

  14. anonym

    Her mom has strong genes.

  15. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    Uncle Terry woke up in tears from his wet dream. “Oh, Jesus, even I’m disgusted by this!” he bellowed to Jared.

  16. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Was the real Noah a transgender cat person too? I always thought so, and that whole “Noah’s Ark” business was really an inter-species Love Boat. The Bible really would be better as manga/hentai, don’t you think? I’ll get started on that right away.

  17. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    This is some trippy shit. I think this is going to haunt me.

  18. Clearly Noah is one of those aliens that is out living in plain view because that child does not look human.

  19. kery

    She is fugly and short !!

  20. Karma

    I hear Trace is looking for a new girlfriend,
    and if he moves fast enough, he can hit this
    before Fez lays waste to her. But he
    really needs to hurry, Fez moves fast…

  21. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    That is easily a $1200 room service bill.

  22. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    I, too, was confused as to whether this creature is male or female. Noah is typically a male’s name. If her folks wanted to give her a male’s name, why didn’t they just name her Bob?

  23. Miley Cyrus Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF, Mannnnn…No nipples? Who put that stupid little red Octopus/Tweety Bird thingie there blocking our view? Someone ought to smack that sucker upside the head with a post-hole digger.

  24. Miley Noah Cyrus Cat Suit
    The Truth
    Commented on this photo:

    HAHA little sis has a bigger ass and tits

  25. dude

    ugly as shit

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