No One Wants to Watch Katie Holmes

January 10th, 2011 // 50 Comments

The highly publicized miniseries The Kennedys, starring Katie Holmes as Jackie Onassis and Greg Kinnear as John F. Kennedy, has been canceled by The History Channel after deeming it historically inaccurate despite previously claiming their own history experts vetted the controversial script before filming. The Hollywood Reporter reports:

“Upon completion of the production of The Kennedys, History has decided not to air the 8-part miniseries on the network,” a rep for the network tells The Hollywood Reporter in a statement. “While the film is produced and acted with the highest quality, after viewing the final product in its totality, we have concluded this dramatic interpretation is not a fit for the History brand.”

Apparently the show was being developed by Joel Surnow, the ultra-conservative creator of FOX’s 24 and in a way, Jack Bauer’s father even though to suggest such a thing is blasphemy because Jack Bauer headbutted his way into existence. Anyway, I’m pretty liberal, but if someone writes dialog where JFK says he needs to bang chicks every day or else he gets migraines – which they did – I’m gonna nod my head and go, “Yeah, that sounds about right,” not, “Oh, heavens, Lord, they tarnished the good man’s legacy.” John F. Kennedy had lots of sex, people. Let’s embrace it. Write it in textbooks. Build a monument of him bending over Marilyn Monroe, goddammit! And if you want to be all PC about it, we can build one of Jackie O. in curlers and a bathrobe holding a rolling pin even though I don’t see how that’s going to cook a delicious roast.

Photos: Splash News

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  1. gogo

    FIRSSSSt to agree!!

  2. Sonny the Cuckoo Bird

    Who WOULDN’T feel honored to get poked with the Executive Branch?

  3. Savalas

    Greg Kinnear as JFK? Pffft.

    Maybe as MLK, but JFK? Come on!

  4. Wow, Katie Holmes has that blank Stepford wife stare down….

  5. “we have concluded this dramatic interpretation is not a fit for the History brand.”

    But “UFO Hunters” does? Then I can only assume the Kennedy “interpretation” involved JFK turning into a green hulking monster when he gets really angry.

    • Gabrielle Gifford

      I think they need to form a Mumbo Jumbo network for the alien, ghost, and religious stuff on the so-called educational networks so that these bullshit notions aren’t confused with facts and evidence supported theories.

      • DKNY

        Start CTN, the Conspiracy Theory Network. We’ve got everything else already.

        But I agree, the content of The History Channel is sometimes laughable. Some of the people they credit as experts are just nutjobs. Just look at that dude with the crazy hair and the Greek name. The shit he talks about with authority is totally out there.

    • bribios

      Totally agree. It’s a bit hypocritical when a channel that shows UFO, ghost, and Nostradamus/2012 prophecy shows non stop deems something to be too inaccurate. I actually miss the days where they showed nothing but Hitler programs. History Channel is a joke.

    • I agree with you guys too. History on the History channel is becomming harder to find. UFO Hunters, Conspiracy Theory, that ghost and haunted house show….

      Once again, a channel that started out with programming that enlightened and educated while entertaining has begun to take that slippery road down sensationalism. Now it’s all about the entertainment value. MTV doesn’t play Music Videos even the the M in MTV stands for MUSIC. TLC? Sure if you want to learn how to dress better or flip a house but what learning is actually done through The Learning Channel????

      • Anon

        I think they actually changed TLC from being The Learning Channel to The Travel and Living Channel — how sad is that?

  6. Richard McBeef

    They had to scrap it because the Space Opera stuff couldn’t be properly vetted until you reach OT-III.

  7. Rough vs KK's vulcano

    Katie has one of the meanest toe I have ever seen (pre-cruise) courtesy of the Egotastic. Now, what was this post saying again?

  8. Katie Holmes
    Dr. Jack
    Commented on this photo:

    It wasn’t the chick-banging but the corny dialog about trying to manipulate people, the portrayal of JFK’s father as a clown, and the supposed conspiratorial meetings to try to con the American public. This was ham bone Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck level shit. If you saw the trailer for it, you’d laugh to see what a hack job it was. Even the ultra-conservative Hitler Channel knew it couldn’t get away with it without sacrificing the last once of credibility it never had.

  9. Rancid

    Seeing her in that get-up makes me want to bang her on top of an open Lincoln convertible. I would make that little pillbox hat spin.

  10. Rough vs KK's vulcano

    “Vulcano” is not a typo, its for vulva.

  11. Dr. Jack

    It wasn’t the chick-banging but the corny dialog about trying to manipulate people, the portrayal of JFK’s father as a clown, and the supposed conspiratorial meetings to try to con the American public. This was ham bone Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck level shit. If you saw the trailer for it, you’d laugh to see what a hack job it was. Even the ultra-conservative Hitler Channel knew it couldn’t get away with it without sacrificing the last once of credibility it never had.

    • Sonny the Cuckoo Bird

      Yeah, depicting Jesus as the grassy knoll gunman WAS slightly over the top. Silly conservatives!

  12. Howard the Duck

    I would dump a DC-10 load of thetans into her Teegeeack volcano and then give her an R6 implant so she didn’t remember it the next morning.

  13. Nerd

    Wow…I was just watching Batman Begins, which made me want to see her tits and watch the Gift. This chick used to be so goddamned bangable.

  14. Katie Holmes
    duckbutter
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it me, or in the last pic she looks like ‘The Icebox’ from Little Giants all grown up?

    http://media.photobucket.com/image/the%20Icebox%20little%20giants/theseanpaluch/cplg69.jpg

  15. Katie Holmes
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it me, or does she look like “The Icebox” from Little Giants all grown up?

    http://i1104.photobucket.com/albums/h340/theseanpaluch/cplg69.jpg

  16. It’s amazing how the make-up artist was able to put just enough foundation around her ankles to hide the chain marks from where Tom keeps her tied up in the basement at night.

  17. Mortimer Duke

    No one is going to remark on how sad it is that she is doing a cable network minseries? And worse still, it wont ever be shown on T.V.?

    Put a fork in her career, its over.

  18. Katie Holmes
    Commented on this photo:

    And History Channel will continue showing the ANCIENT ALIENS “documentaries”, so this crappolla must have been more fake than the voting in the last “So you think you can dance.”

  19. Katie Holmes
    vimpaler
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice picture of Dr Girlfriend ;D

  20. lightdragon

    you know it’s bad when Katie looks more loaded than LiLo

  21. Katie Holmes
    Maplewood
    Commented on this photo:

    Katie Holmes, seen here attempting to flee Tom Cruise’s “Fort Scientology and Male Revue,” will spend yet another year pretending she is still a working actress.

  22. frcrkr

    I’m glad at least one channel has some kind of standards to Hollywood re-visioning.

  23. GravyLeg

    That is not true… I wanna watch her fall down those stairs….

  24. someperv

    HOLY SHIT Its Dr. Girlfriend

  25. JN

    Jackie Kennedy wore her skirts too long.

  26. Tom Cruises’s beard is all dressed up with no where to go.

  27. cc

    I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest they should have cast an actress in this role.

  28. Mama Pinkus

    an abomination – just like Ms. Lohan’s depiction of Marilyn Monroe

  29. Aussie Mama

    must be too much truth in it, that they don’t want the public to know. not the fantasy, they would like us to believe.

  30. Woll

    That’s funny, historically inaccurate? They are aware that they put shows like “Ancient Aliens” on the air along with frequent Nostradamus bullshit, right? I don’t see how this can be any worse.

  31. vix

    DR. GIRLFRIEND?!

  32. lol

    to bad i want to see it. this channel is taken over by tea partiers thats why they arent showing it.

  33. renzomatic

    She looks like a stewardess… “coffee, tea or Zenu’s milk?”

  34. Bill Clinton

    History channel has become a joke with shows like..
    Ax men
    Ancient Aliens
    Nostradamus effect
    Monster quest
    and on and on

    They should be forced to change the name of the channel. Words used to mean something.

  35. Katie Holmes
    Commented on this photo:

    Do you guys remember how once upon a time not so long ago we used to think this woman was hot? Undead gay midget penis black magic is evil, man…

  36. Sonja

    No loss. The truth is: no one ever wants to watch Katie Holmes in anything at all, at least as long as she’s a Scientologist and married to that loser Cruise. He ruined his own AND her career.

  37. Katie Holmes
    Olga
    Commented on this photo:

    Just for all of you who do not know, all the recent Shiloh petrucis are not a mistake, they were taken and sold by those two whores. Whatever you sell petrucis for, prostituting your child is as wrong as donating money earned from being a serial killer or a prostitute. Yes me too, Brangelina leave a foul taste in my mouth and I keep away from their threads. Please take a hint. Only sick people spend all their time on a site dedicated to people they hate! Ever seen any of us on the Pitt or Angelina sites?

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