Like any nerd worth his mint on card penis safely sealed in a Mylar bag, Wednesdays are when I scurry down to the local comic shop to spend my hard-earned money on 32-pages of chiseled dudes in tights, and because I can, I’m dragging you down into the mud with me. – *grabs you by the wrists while laughing just a little too hard* – Last week, Nikki Finke not only launched her new website with a logo that will crush all other logos before it, but also with an exclusive story detailing Warner Bros./DC Comic movies for the next four years that will supposedly be announced at Comic-Con next month. For those of you with lives and functioning sex organs, here’s the list:
May 2016 – Batman v Superman
July 2016 – Shazam
Xmas 2016 – Sandman
May 2017 – Justice League
July 2017 – Wonder Woman
Xmas 2017 – Flash and Green Lantern team-up
May 2018 – Man Of Steel 2
Despite four out of the seven movies having already been announced, there’ve been some doubts about the rest of the list bringing up facts like, oh I dunno, The CW is already launching a Flash show this fall. However, because Kevin Smith has a camera hidden up Ben Affleck‘s ass, he’s confirming Nikki Finke’s list is the same one Warner Bros. showed him. Via Comics Alliance:
According to Kevin Smith, speaking on his Hollywood Babble-On podcast, the DC movie lineup released last week is completely legit.
“I looked at [the] list, and I was like, that’s what I heard. That’s what I was told,” he said.
Of course, none of this matters because Comics Alliance also reports Warner Bros. is basically copying Marvel right down to making Darkseid the main villain in Justice League. Darkseid a gray, hulking space-god thing just like Thanos who, granted, was Marvel Comics answer to Darkseid – *adjusts glasses* – will have appeared twice in movie theaters by the end of this summer. (He’ll be voiced by Josh Brolin in Guardians of the Galaxy.) So basically we’ll be seeing the same shit over and over again because Hollywood is out of ideas, and I’ll still pay to see it anyway because my only other options are movies based on Young Adult novels. This is why I think about just starting a drug habit. You meet all kinds of interesting people.
Know which one is Darkseid and which one is Thanos? Congratulations, you’re dying alone. (Via Comic Vine)
Photo: Jim Lee/DC Comics