Nicole Richie wants Joel Madden’s balls roasting on an open fire

May 14th, 2008 // 64 Comments

First off, I’m not going to deny that I’m taking extreme pleasure in finally not being the one whose light-years behind on a story. (Thought I gotta admit, I’m pretty good at it.) Star, who can no longer remain smug in their finery, is just now reporting on the Joel Madden/Lindsay Lohan flirting debacle. Yeah, sure Star has inside details on Nicole Richie’s reaction, but you know what I say to that? HA HA FRIST!:

The Good Charlotte rocker seemed more interested in a seductive Lindsay than in spinning records.
“Their heads were practically touching, and he had his leg over hers,” says one onlooker. “Joel has a flirtatious side, and he definitely wasn’t turning her away.”
Making the situation worse, Nicole frantically tried to call Joel, but he wasn’t answering his phone.
“He was so zeroed in on Lindsay, he never heard his cell ring,” a friend of the couple tells Star. “Nicole felt so incredibly helpless and upset that she threw her phone against the wall in a rage.”

I really can’t fault Joel Madden for flirting with The Boobed One. When you look like Elmer Fudd’s retarded twin brother, you take all the lady attention you can get. You know, before they sober up and realize Good Charlotte is a form of torture in some countries (i.e. This one.)

superficial

  1. hmm

    but did he actually cheat on her?

  2. Not in the face

    Ahhh missed it by that much.

  3. kenny wangler

    all women is bitches

  4. Ted from LA

    If I were Nicole I wouldn’t worry. Judging from this picture, he problably couldn’t find his dick with both hands. Although I would be worried as to why I was dating a drunk Charlie Chaplin.

  5. woodhorse

    He has neck wattle that would turn a Pelican green with envy. I say he looks more like MiMi Bobeck from the old Drew Carey show. And he might look like Drew Carey too.

  6. Barrack Obama

    Stop being jealous Nicole! My wife isn’t jealous when I have sex with men.

  7. snarky

    For the love of ‘tards, I tell ya thats Benji Madden, not Joel; check the tats. So that would mean Paris is being cheated on instead (heeheehee). Well, that is, if their relationship is or ever was even real & not just some stupid Ashton punk out.

  8. If he didn’t come in her or on her, he didn’t cheat. The controlling cunts can argue all they want, but that’s the definition of cheating, and a real man doesn’t put up with any bullshit about harmless encounters, like this one. Joel should go home, grab Nicole by the throat, force her down to the floor and make her pick up all the shards of her broken phone with her mouth. Finishing with a metal-toed boot in the rib cage will make that bitch think twice about having another “rage attack.”

  9. Lord Of Bacon

    WHO. FUCKING.CARES.ABOUT.THESE.FUCKING.RETARDS.

  10. I hate you

    eatin ain’t cheatin and suckin ain’t fuckin

  11. Lady of Cheese

    I. FUCKING. DO.

    A. LOT.

  12. pigkeepr31

    Yeah, I think that’s Benji. He the shorter, pudgier one.

  13. I never said a word, fishdude..

  14. Yeast Khunt, Lady with Class

    If he were my man I would wait til he was asleep. Then I would superglue his little dick to his leg. Then I would divorce him and sue for child support. Let me explain boys and girls. Flirting in public and touching is cheating. If she had let him and even that skank wouldn’t touch his ugly ass, he would have fucked her. And if he cheats in public he will do it behind the scenes.
    To the curb, dead beat Daddy-O.
    Men are a dime a dozen. Time to go black Nicole. They are better lovers.

  15. Racer X

    THIS IS NOT NEWS!!!

  16. Truth Hurts

    Just another example of how men are. No man can NOT cheat on their woman if given the opportunity. Men are weak, simple-minded animals with a 1 track mind. It’s no wonder women are really the ones running this world. We have all the power, face it men!!

  17. He obviously digs chicks with low self esteem….. I can respect that.

  18. mimi

    Praying for Amy.

    SLOOOOOWWWW day, Fish-Head.

  19. Announcer

    And now, we have commenced the Parade of the Controlling Cunts section of our comment thread.

  20. Ted Mosby

    I guess Joel prefers boobs with a hint of cokehead versus no boobs and a whiff of crackhead.

  21. I disagree. My man would never cheat on me..

  22. Question?

    Does anyone actually listen to Good Charlotte? I did once, and I’d like to rename it very shitty charlotte.

  23. Truth Hurts

    #22 you’re trusting. how cute.

  24. Sasha

    For the last fucking time that’s Joel. Benji has tattoos on his right hand.

    As for Nicole Richie, that’s what she deserves. When Lindsay fucked other people over she would laugh right with her and now she’s getting a taste of it.

  25. fuck you all

    Doesn’t everyone cheat? It’s a matter of standards. I have standards. Like they have to be young, vulnerable guys that keep their mouth shut later.

  26. Jodi.

    Yes, I remember selling him that double-chin.

    ^Jodi

  27. Pixie

    This is an old pic and the music is loud so of course they have to be close up to hear each other talk. I think this is his twin.

  28. kelly

    lmfao “HAHA FRIST!” it’s soo good.

  29. pete

    I used to have a girlfriend who cheated. It’s amazing how intense her attention became to my warning as her face started turning blue.

  30. lola

    that is joel. benji has a tattoo on his neck that goes all the way up pretty much.

  31. Frist is perfect (heh heh)

    yeah sweety. you must have him on a leash. you are 36? wow almost 40. won’t be long now ole timer. Goths are cool. When they are young.

  32. Auntie Kryst

    Jebus, who gives a fuck which McHeeb it is? Those douchebag brothers are interchangeable.. Get pissed at the fact that a publication is fucked up enough to call that dumbass a “rocker.”

  33. Fumus

    Horray! Finally the superficial is FIRST! FIRST!

  34. FCS

    #12 do us all a favour and kill yourself then

  35. Analignus

    Joel, benji whatever. The great thing about these pasty ass fucksticks is they are interchangable. Good Charlotte called rockers, now thats funny.

  36. Beth

    Looks like Stallone when he was really young and fat (before the weights and steroids).

  37. Infidel(ity)

    Frist what makes you think YOUR man won’t cheat. Let me see:
    1) He tells you that to your face
    2) You follow him around everywhere – oh no wait…
    3) You are just sooooo damn fine that…yeah right
    4) He is ugly
    5) He loves you too much (but doesn’t look at other women. ever. never)
    6) I will leave this one for you. I can’t wait you Angel you.

  38. Yikes

    Having never been to LA I have to assume the clubs are filled with fat, pasty posers and leggings wearing white trash whores.

    God what a hellhole

  39. Name

    it’s definitely joel; benji’s hands are covered in tattoos.

  40. Ancio

    The pathetic life of a woman: try to be as sexy and attractive as possible, find a guy you want to marry, convince him to make the commitment, start a family right away, and then spend the rest of your life trying to prevent him from enjoying his life, even in the most harmless ways (because they’re never harmless if they don’t center around you).

    Pathetic.

  41. andie

    I just google image’d benji and joel madden, and I honestly cannot tell them apart. Are they twins?
    I can’t tell who this guy is, I saw that one of them has tats on his hands, but the angle of this shot makes it pretty impossible to tell if those tats are on there.

    Which one has all the tats?

  42. World without Women

    Sweet men all holding hands and skipping sugarly this way and that, asses free and bare to the sun. What a beautiful world it would be. Faeries and pixies and fawns and satyrs in thongs. Centaurs and Minotaurs clutching their dong!
    (injects needle into her {his} own stool and ODs)

  43. Colt Seavers

    I think Nicole, Paris, Benji and Joel should form a band like Abba. Then they could tour and solve mysteries. If someone plays a closet case, I think Bravo will pick it up as a reality series for next season!

  44. Girls chill with the man hate.
    both sex’s cheat and plus women think more about sex then men do, they are just coy about it.

    Dont take this so seriosuly, eventually:
    joel is going to fuck lindsey, enraged nicole is going to fuck benji and paris is going to fuck a dog to give benji Prostatitis then benji is going to to force lindsey to give him a bj since she started this mess then lindsey is going to infest the rest of the world with a new mutated virus of benji/paris/nicole/joel = L.B.P.N.J Virus

  45. snarky

    @ 8; Ok, I stand corrected & am the tard…I take back my words; it is the other Madden douchebag, Joel. Benji has way more tats than that; including all over his hands. Damn, already cheating, Joel, huh?! Poor Harlow.

  46. Bad William

    #42 “I just google image’d benji and joel madden”

    you have now officially jumped the shark, congrats.

  47. andie

    @47
    Sorry, I don’t even know what that means. I just wanted to see what the other brother looked like. They look like twins to me.

    what does ‘jumped the shark’ mean?

  48. gcaseyg

    omg. I nearly fell out of my office chair when I read ‘ha ha frist!’

  49. gcaseyg

    omg. I nearly fell out of my office chair when I read ‘ha ha frist!’

  50. #48 – I think “jump the shark” refers to the street brawl initiated by the Jets aganst that Puerto Rican gang “The Sharks” sometime during The West Side Story. Or it could mean you’re home sick from high school.

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