Nicole Richie puts out

December 13th, 2006 // 83 Comments

Page Six claims Joel Madden dumped Hilary Duff because she’s a virgin and refused to sleep with him. And I’m not insinuating anything but now he’s dating Nicole Richie and they’re already serious enough that Nicole’s DUI booking papers reportedly listed Joel as her “emergency contact person.”

I dunno man, if given the choice between having sex with Nicole Richie or not having sex you always go with not having sex. Maybe Joel hasn’t looked at her yet. That might explain things. Because then he wouldn’t know he was sleeping with Gollum. I mean seriously, I’d rather have sex with a campfire than this thing.


  1. Jenster

    I found some wierdo porno blog page that has
    all these “fetishes” on there once while i was slacking off from work one day and wouldn’t ya know it, there s a fetish out there for guys who are into anorexics.
    I think Joels a candidate. He couldn’t get Hilary any skinnier than she already is now,
    so he’s moved on to this Karen-Carpenter wanna be.

  2. polypam

    Nicole may be 85 lbs, but Duff has got to be no more than 90. This dog sure does like his bones.

  3. jrzmommy

    And next week her emergency contact will be some other random fuck. So what?

  4. BarbadoSlim

    I guess having sex with these creatures requires a special skill, just like the gentle touch required for a delicate young goat, that’s something that you either HAVE or you DON’T.

  5. *required field

    so joel’s been stung by the love bug

  6. mztry

    what venomous nasties
    who like to trash
    this whispy girl
    with so much cash

    God Bless Nicole

  7. BarbadoSlim

    You may STFU at anytime #16, don’t mind us.

    Nicole? that you?

  8. raquel

    I feel so sorry for Hilary, she’s such a nice girl with great talent and outstanding moral character. And yet, Nicole has been through so much, I hope she and Joel find happiness together. Good luck, you crazy kids!

  9. PapaHotNuts

    If I hadn’t had sex in 3 years, I’d fuck Lionel Richie.

  10. RoseColoredGlasses

    I acutally like Hilary…just hope she gains weight…but Nicole…ok…I heard once that having sex with someone who is just skin and bones is very painful because there’s no cushin fo’ da pushin!!!

  11. Having sex with a campfire can be dangerous, I recommend using waterbased lubricant. ;-)

  12. Denimpetal

    This dog sure does like his bones.
    #11, couldn’t of put it better myself.
    You know I love the most of ya guys but c’mon, you THAT sexist?
    I’m off to find out manky secrets about said DOG and post em, then we can laugh at all three stupid hollywood idiots

  13. gossipWhor3

    umm…that having sex with a fire joke was funnier on last week:
    http:// .com/post.phtml?pk=1643

  14. RichPort

    I’d imagine it would be like rubbing your dick up and down a xylophone.

  15. jrzmommy

    HAHA!! Rich–funny.

  16. PrettyBaby

    Rich, hahahaha Ouch
    #18 I think you might have the wrong site…

  17. I was once involved in a dark genetics experiment, where we attempted to graft the genes of a lima bean with a duck and a human. The result was hideous and had to be killed. We gleefully beat it to death with shovels and vowed to never speak of the horror that we created that dark night.

    Guess what? Nicole Richie is far, far uglier.

  18. mztry

    # 17- I don’t mind it
    If you insult me; not a bit
    Insults? so what? call me a name!
    I just refuse to do the same!

    God Bless Us everyone!

    Especially Nicole

  19. Italian Stallion

    Nichole Ritchie and Paris Hilton are fighting again. Nichole wanted a band for her birthday and asked Paris if she would sing. Paris said she couldn’t do it but would find a good band as a replacement. The band Paris got was ‘Cake’ and Nichole said she didn’t want to have anything to do with ‘Cake’ and that she wasn’t talking to her ever again………

  20. jrzmommy



  21. maybe she has a really plump vag,and the comparison between it and her emaciated frame confuse confuse him in a really sexual way.

  22. ponk

    mztry, do you know HerbieFrog? just curious.

  23. BarbadoSlim

    @32….doubt it, besides I’ve heard this ‘rexics chics have all sorts of lubrication problems, like the heads on a ’58 Chrysler.

    Should you decide to accept such a mission I suggest you bring a quart of Pennzoil.

  24. RichPort

    mztry, please put Earl’s album down slowly and walk away… that’s a good girl…

  25. BarbadoSlim

    I don’t know why you even try to help ‘em Rich P. she’s prolly hopped up on meth and vicodin.

    what a waste

  26. @35
    yea..thats true.But somehow i can’t help but think joel has muttered to himself at least once “So that’s where the food goes”

    If it’s true she’s such a teaze.skinny as all hell but lays sideways naked and looks like she’s hiding a big mac between her legs.

  27. RichPort

    Slim, I am a humanitarian above all else. I’ll be hopped up on weed and beer shortly…

  28. Wait a minute!!? John Madden was hooking up with Hillary Duff??!!!

    I know this isn’t funny at all but I’m appalled!

  29. well, she does look better in her mugshot than usual….

  30. Boogie Monster

    #40 – Where have you been hiding? They were dating for like 2 years or something!?!?

  31. ob1

    @#30 ***crickets chirpping***

  32. kkkramer

    here’s why joel will dump nicole:

    GEORGE: Every time we go out to eat the minute we we’re done eating she’s runnin to the bathroom.

    ELAINE: So you’re concerned.

    GEORGE: Elaine, of course I’m concerned. I’m payin’ for those meals. It’s like throwing money down the toilet.

  33. mbarkr




  34. sjb16

    I wasn’t aware you could fuck skeletons but whatever! I guess cemetaries are the new playground for pedophiles.

  35. Gaby

    she’s evil.

  36. EJ

    Nicole Ritchie?

    Say it with me now:

    I’ve had better sex in prison.

  37. cayana

    #16 tell god to give her a sandwich while he’s at it. And an extra large order of fries and a milkshake.

  38. techclerk

    What does it say about Hillary Duff that you could get so sexually frustrated you would dump her and then go screw this slut?

    Hillary must really be able to put the hurt on ya!

  39. PrettyBaby

    Joel keeps trying to flick his tail to get Nicole off of him. It’s a trick he learned from Hilary.

  40. polypam


    Dude, he was joking. John Madden is the big dude who is a football legend and sportscaster. Joel Madden is the lame guy from Good Charlotte who tried to get into Hilary Duff’s pants for two years but failed. Dur.

    “A little more ESPN and little less E!”

  41. techclerk


    Joel Madden was dating Hillary? What about Bill? Did they get divorced?

  42. biatcho

    Hey #43, ob1… are those crickets chirping inside your pants because you’re the fat kid from the internet star wars video from a few years back? You got a lotta nerve coming on here & mouthing off to papa & stallion when you’re nothing more than a jon lovitz look-alike living in grandma’s basement masturbating to princess leia figurines.

  43. RichPort

    Biatcho, your fire always gives me a boner… is that crass? I’m sorry I mean an erection… my wife is in trouble tonight.

  44. biatcho

    #55 Rich your wife is in trouble every night! Viagra, Cialis – when are they going to develop a pill for premature ejaculation??? hahaha

  45. biatcho

    haha, I love trolls. I thought I asked you, ever so kindly, the other night to bite my ass & feed it to the deas fetus decaying inside you??

  46. biatcho

    rich – crass? You’re gonna have to do a lot worse than that to be crass to the likes of me… just ask my husband once I remove the choker ball from mouth.

  47. biatcho

    hiyo #57, deas = dead. deas fetus.

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