Nicole Kidman wants a Catholic wedding

April 4th, 2006 // 90 Comments
kidman-urban-catholic.jpg

Australia’s Sunday Mail reports that Nicole Kidman has gotten her marriage to Tom Cruise annulled so she can marry Keith Urban in a Catholic ceremony. Kidman was allegedly told she would be granted an annulment because her marriage to Cruise didn’t conform to the requirements of the church.

I didn’t even know it was possible to annul a marriage of 11 years, but when your relationship consists of worshipping space aliens and eating vitamins, the church can be pretty forgiving.

Source

superficial

  1. o-n

    Wait, they’re only just getting that thing ended? Isn’t he just about married again? Why even bother with formal proceedings if you’re just going to knock some girl half your age up before you’re even divorced to your last wife?

  2. Jayvee

    Bless her, trying for a nice wedding, still trying to shake off the evil gnome that is Cruise.

  3. Jayvee

    Go on Nicole, try and shake off the memory of Cruise’s clutches.

  4. playahater101

    So do you think that she ever gets to see the kids? Since Tom has them home schooled and learning from his Scientologist sisters? And has them already going to classes to learn about Scientology? And since she is after all a wacky catholic. And doesn’t believe the garbage that is Scientology.

    I guess a crazy spouse is grounds for an annulment. So it’s like her marriage never happened.

  5. playahater101

    So do you think that she ever gets to see the kids? Since Tom has them home schooled and learning from his Scientologist sisters? And has them already going to classes to learn about Scientology? And since she is after all a wacky catholic. And doesn’t believe the garbage that is Scientology.

    I guess a crazy spouse is grounds for an annulment. So it’s like her marriage never happened.

  6. playahater101

    Sorry about the double post. I got an error message the first time.

  7. Laurie

    Divorce is seperate from a annulment. Divorce is the legal ending of a marriage, annulment is that the marriage never existed in the eyes of the law/religion.

    e.g. Britney’s spears first marriage was annuled because she was a skanky ho who was most likey (and could prove) that she was drunk and didn’t have control of her faculties. Because she wasn’t in her right mind and not in control of her faculties the marriage was invalid.

    Church annulments work kind of the same way, and since tom and nicole didn’t get married in the catholic church AND he’s psycho-it shouldn’t be to hard for her.

  8. playahater101

    #1, they got divorced a while ago. She needs to have grounds to get an annulment in order to be married in the church since she’s been married before. And they granted her the annulment so she can have a church wedding. So basically the church doesn’t recognize the first marriage. And neither does anyone else.

  9. Those poor kids. They are going to hanging out with Blanket and Prince Michael dropping acid and shoving gerbils up each other’s asses… So says Xenu…

  10. cat

    ^^^ You just said what I was going to say, but you said it better.

  11. sweetcheeks

    I understand Nicole was granted the annulment on the premise that her marriage, was in fact, a “beard.” The Diocese hands out annulments like they’re candy. Or used-Lindsay-Lohan condoms.

    Especially if you never actually consecrated the marriage. And, no, “consecrate” does not mean “watch while this man licks my testes.”

  12. #11, you beat me to it. I was going to say that I believe “Never having sex with each other” is a valid reason for an annulment.

  13. Something up with the posting today?

  14. NewGuy

    Yeah, none of it is funny.

    But what else is new?

  15. Conductor71

    Cruise – a term that originated in gay slang, describing the act of walking or driving about a locality in pursuit of a partner for quick and anonymous gay sex.

  16. outrageous.opinion

    Good for Nicole!! Her children will wise up soon enough.

  17. sweetcheeks

    #14 — since you’re clearly a “bon vivant” of satire, why don’t you write something a little more clever than “Waahh-waahh. You’re not funny. This no make me laugh.”

    Douchebag.

  18. RhinebeckCowboy

    If its really true that Nicole got an annulment, there’s something very wrong afoot. The rules for an annulment are(1) one of the spouses unable to procreate, (2) one of the spouses (legally) incapable of giving consent at the time of marriage, or (3) it can proven that one of he spouses entered into the marriage fraudalently. Now, as wacky as TomC is, its pretty well known that the couple were capable of procreation, the marriage was absolutely freely entered into by both parties and (for a while at least) the couple were besotted with each other. The sad truth is that Nicole has money and influence – its a corrupt annulment. Its also worth noting that her over-riding desire to get a church wedding, even if means abandoning the core catholic principle of the ’til death do us part’, shows that Nicole may be a bit of a nut job herself.

  19. outrageous.opinion

    Good for Nicole!! Her children will wise up soon enough.

  20. Conductor71

    Tom – (noun) turkey-cock (plural turkey-cocks): A male turkey

  21. playahater101

    #13, I think something’s up with the server. I keep getting error messages.

    All I know is Nicole was smart enough to leave. And now you never hear about her being with the kids. I think Katie needs to follow her lead before it’s too late.

  22. lill

    #21 Didn’t Tom leave Nicole, shortly after impregnating her, for his good friend Penelope?

    I guess it’s a good thing the courts acknowledged their union when they awarded her that massive settlement. It was a really shitty move for Tom to try and change the seperation date so he could screw her out of a large chunk of change. But that’s what Scientologist do – lie and deny.

  23. MizScarlett

    Finally, the Catholic Church actually does something worthwhile for man(woman?)kind.

    Now, if it would only annul the birth of NewGuy, we could all REALLY live in peace.

  24. Jay from the Bay

    New Guy, stop being such a tool. If you are so unamused, go play somewhere else.

    Good for Nicole. Thank God someone in Tom’s life has come to their senses.

  25. playahater101

    #22 I heard both versions. One was that he left her after she got pregnant b/c he didn’t believe it was his baby. Since he was told he was sterile (Back to my “Scientologists impregnated Katie” theory) The other version was that she got sick of him letting Scientology run their lives and left b/c he was so into the religion. So who knows the truth.

  26. Trotter

    #18 – thanks for the lesson. But she’s covered on all three points: (1) How could a man who’s had his testes replaced with One-A-Day vitamins procreate? We all know Katie is preggers with a space alien. (2) Nicole couldn’t consent. Any adult who would go through this much trouble to be CLOSER to the Catholic Church is verifiably insane. (3) What part of Tom’s being a HUGE VORTEX OF COCK while professing to love women isn’t a glaring fraud?

    He probably packs his little panties with tube socks, too.

  27. CheekyChops

    The church obviously gave her an ANALment cause they too realized Tom is a gay and worships not only the cock but also aliens.

  28. gossipmonger

    I remember all of this differently than the rest of you. Tom
    was not able to father a child-that was why they adopted
    two kids. When Nicole turned up pregnant, Tom believed that she had been unfaithful to him with someone she met
    while filming Moulon Rouge. Sadly, Nicole lost the baby
    and her husband too.
    Did anyone else see Eyes Wide Shut? It just seemed to me
    that Tom and Nicole were going in different ways career
    wise and that movie put the last nail in the coffin of
    their marriage.
    I realize that this post is not funny-I’m just wondering
    if anyone else see things the way I do.

  29. NewGuy

    #17 You sign your comments as “Douchebag”??? Is that an honorary title or did you go to school to earn it? Should we just call you douchebag? Mr. Douchebag?

  30. bjpack

    It was easily annulled because they were married by Orson who used to be Mork’s leader on Mork and Mindy and also happens to be Xenu’s big brother. While he can perform legal weddings on Ork, he is not allowed to marry people on Earth.

    By the way, this is a must read if you haven’t seen it already… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xenu

  31. NewGuy

    #17 You actually sign your comments “Douchebag”??? Is that an honorary title or did you go to school to earn it? Would you like us to call you Douchebag? Mr. Douchebag? Please let us know. Thanks.

  32. lill

    28 – Sounds like Tom has some apologizing to do if that’s the reason he left her and if he actually knocked up Katie. But somehow I doubt he’s the type of person to ever admit he’d made a mistake.

  33. NewGuy

    Damn it.

  34. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Can I annul the last 25 years of my life as a poor person with average-sized breasts and crappy cars?

  35. sweetcheeks

    New Guy — there is a simple grammatical principle known as the period. It means, “end of sentence.” Therefore, “Douchebag-followed-by-a-period” is a declarative sentence with “new guy” as the implied subject. For those of you who didn’t make it past fourth grade English:

    New Guy is a big smelly douchebag.

  36. bjpack

    sweetcheeks, it should be “New Guy is a big, smelly douchebag” (with a comma). Thanks.

  37. sweetcheeks

    Not necessarily. When using two adjectives, use of the comma is discetionary. More than two adjectives: you must use a comma. I’m right. Look it up.

  38. sweetcheeks

    i.e. “big bad wolf” or “little blue house.”

  39. sweetcheeks

    sorry, that’s “discRetionary.” Typo. If you even caught it, DOUCHEBAG.

  40. CocoNutz

    This is what I’ve heard, but may be wrong… TC’s first wife, Mimi Rogers, was the one that got him into scientology. Her father was some kind of bigshot in it. Supposedly, Nicole Kidman ALSO got into it for awhile and actually rose to a OT-VII status. The scientology bigwigs never came out about it for fear it could backfire. A month or two before they split-up, Nicole suddenly had an epiphany and got-the-hell-outta-there. Dropped out completely. Supposedly, this is what TC was referring to when he said, “Nic knows the reason…” According to scientology, if you speak against it, drop out, etc., you are an “SP” or Suppressive Person and the scientologist is to act as if you don’t exist and/or have no further contact of any sort with this person.
    This must be interesting (or really sad) with the two kids involved!

  41. Saucie

    Satire, insults and grammar…it can’t get any better than this!

  42. imabeeatch

    New Guy is a smelly pirate hooker.

  43. suzy

    i’m surprised she hasn’t demanded full custody of her kids… now that tom is a freaking pyschopath…

    adopted or not, I want Nicole to have them… I don’t think tom will be able to handle his biological child and his adopted children

  44. sweetcheeks

    #41 — AGREED!!!

  45. sweetcheeks

    also, I agree with #42

  46. mrschickee

    bjpack, thanks for that….it just proves my belief that Scientologists need psychiatry more than any of us.

    P.S. Am I the only one who thinks that the first drawing of Xenu looks like Ming from Flash Gordon?

  47. CocoNutz

    She needs to take them kids and hide in Australia somewhere!

  48. gammanormids

    #18, IICR, homosexuality is also a cause for annulment. As well insanity.

  49. andrewthezeppo

    This is pretty rediculous. I love Nicole to death, but I can’t side with her on this one.

    A point of an annulment in the Catholic church is to say the the marriage never existed in the eys of god or the church. Which is stupid, because they were married for 11 years and have 2 adopted children together, it’s pretty damn insane to suggest that the marriage “never existed” when we have countless pictures of them together as a couple, they worked together, and they adopted together.

    On the other hand, I agree with people above…that if the guy turns out to be gay then an annulment should be granted…and most likely is what happened.

  50. krisdylee

    It’s too bad we all can’t annull (sp?) Tom from our lives.

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