Nicole Kidman might be pregnant


Nicole Kidman is reportedly expecting her first biological child in Spring with her husband Keith Urban. She was showing off her bump over the weekend and is allegedly set to make an official announcement soon. A source says:

“Miss Kidman certainly isn’t hiding the changes in her body now and seems to be very comfortable with them. Any woman seeing her now up close can’t help but notice she is a mum-to-be.”

Just when I thought I was out of ways to emasculate Tom Cruise it turns out it was his fault he and Nicole couldn’t conceive. I guess all the exercise and vitamins in the world still isn’t enough to grow him some decent sperm. He might as well trade in his penis for a pink bike with tassels because ‘little schoolgirl’ is about as masculine as he’s gonna get.

NOTE: Ignore the existence of Suri Cruise, because I don’t think secretly adopting a half-Asian baby constitues being a man.

*NOTE: Also ignore that Nicole Kidman miscarried Tom Cruise’s baby shorty before they divorced. I mean I did and I feel great!