Nicole Kidman is reportedly expecting her first biological child in Spring with her husband Keith Urban. She was showing off her bump over the weekend and is allegedly set to make an official announcement soon. A source says:
“Miss Kidman certainly isn’t hiding the changes in her body now and seems to be very comfortable with them. Any woman seeing her now up close can’t help but notice she is a mum-to-be.”
Just when I thought I was out of ways to emasculate Tom Cruise it turns out it was his fault he and Nicole couldn’t conceive. I guess all the exercise and vitamins in the world still isn’t enough to grow him some decent sperm. He might as well trade in his penis for a pink bike with tassels because ‘little schoolgirl’ is about as masculine as he’s gonna get.
NOTE: Ignore the existence of Suri Cruise, because I don’t think secretly adopting a half-Asian baby constitues being a man.
*NOTE: Also ignore that Nicole Kidman miscarried Tom Cruise’s baby shorty before they divorced. I mean I did and I feel great!
Missallanpoe | November 27, 2006 at 8:10 am
lol, nice
tweetyeyes | November 27, 2006 at 8:11 am
Im confused now how they both are able to have children now?
Laurie | November 27, 2006 at 8:13 am
If memory serves, didn’t she miscarry Tom’s baby around the time he announced they were getting divorced?
ImaCracka | November 27, 2006 at 8:13 am
Did he hump her from rehab?
UNWASHEDMASSES | November 27, 2006 at 8:14 am
They are both able to have children because Suri’s daddy is Chris Klein. Any takers on Keith Urban being in rehab for the birth of his kid?
jrzmommy | November 27, 2006 at 8:17 am
#2–bingo. What the fuck? did they forget what they told the world they had to adopt because they couldn’t conceive?
Well, anyhooo…..this is nice for the Urbans…..now Keith can rest his beers and do lines off of Nicole’s bump.
tinyTy | November 27, 2006 at 8:17 am
Suri looks like Katie, not like Tom. I think Katie was injected with mystery sperm and Nicole’s uterus was fine this whole time. Could Tom has sucked the juice of another man then injected it into Katie orally?
jrzmommy | November 27, 2006 at 8:19 am
Suri looks like bjork.
Anal Felcher Jones | November 27, 2006 at 8:28 am
yes, jrzmommy blew the lid off that bjork maternity story, go to my site for details
KimberWolf | November 27, 2006 at 8:28 am
Tom Cruise couldn’t get her pregnant because he was using the wrong hole.
crabbie | November 27, 2006 at 8:29 am
Nicole Kidman is pregnant? Isn’t she, like, eighty?
http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com
NipsyHustle | November 27, 2006 at 8:30 am
i suspect the baby is going to pop out twitching and asking “is this where they are having the five o cloch free crack giveaway?”
jrzmommy | November 27, 2006 at 8:37 am
Tom Cruise couldn’t get her knocked-up because he couldn’t get his girdle off:
Tom was wearing a GIRDLE under his tuxedo at his wedding! In case you haven’t noticed, Tom packed on around twenty pounds in the past few months before the big event. He says he’s a “nervous eater.” And he’s had a lot to be nervous about – his exit from Paramount and his high octane marriage. When Tom arrived in Rome, we hear that Giorgio Armani was apoplectic because the wedding tux was too small. Armani personally tended to all the fittings while Tom’s pants were let out and various details were adjusted. Tom wanted to look svelte so he didn’t protest when Giorgio suggested girdling Tom’s midsection so the jacket would fall properly. The corset was sewn into Tom’s undergarment. Everyone was sworn to secrecy, but those Armani employees love to gossip, and are we grateful for THAT!
RichPort | November 27, 2006 at 8:42 am
She’s so fucking pale, she’s practically transparent… haggard Botox beeotch.
ch474 | November 27, 2006 at 8:59 am
Note to Britney:
Call NK for private instructions on how to dress appropriately in public. Scan NK contact list for clothiers into Blackberry. Fire current image consultant. Hire NK image consultant.
HollyJ | November 27, 2006 at 9:01 am
If she gets any more facelifts, her mouth will be stretched so wide that she won’t be able to close the corners anymore…like Cher.
Italian Stallion | November 27, 2006 at 9:05 am
Powder……….
jojo | November 27, 2006 at 9:05 am
She looks like a halloween mask, with her mean scary looking eyebrows. I’m scared of her.
llllllllll | November 27, 2006 at 9:06 am
The title should read:
Nicole Kidman Might Be A Ghost
llllllllll | November 27, 2006 at 9:10 am
Their adopted kids must feel like shit deep down inside. Face it, no matter what people say, they will never be blood related. If Nicole and Cruise had to chose which of their kids had to live in a life and death situation they would more than likely chose their blood child.
PaisleyMoon | November 27, 2006 at 9:32 am
# 10, I went to your site and found no gossip. I would love to have the ferret though. I have references. :)
bridget1 | November 27, 2006 at 9:38 am
Well, for those of you who can’t do simple math – Keith Urban hasn’t been in rehab that long and if she’s showing, then she must be at least 3 mos along- guess he could have done it. Perhaps that’s why he’s in rehab – she’s making him shape up before the baby is born. I hope she is blessed enough to have her own child. As for the adopted children being jealous, I don’t think that should be a concern. Plenty of people have adopted and bio children. As for Tom Cruise – weirdo – I totally agree with that!!!
UncleSam | November 27, 2006 at 9:49 am
Joking about miscarriage is not funny.
NipsyHustle | November 27, 2006 at 9:58 am
the baby will be named casper
llllllllll | November 27, 2006 at 10:21 am
Correction: Cocaine Casper
llllllllll | November 27, 2006 at 10:29 am
#23
Somewhere down the line while in a brotherly/sisterly argument, the “REAL” kids of these celebrities will throw it in the faces of the “fake” kids, “I hate you, thats why you’re not really mom and dads kid” OUCH!!!
This happens folks, don’t act like you’re not impressed.
RichPort | November 27, 2006 at 10:31 am
UncleSam, I kinda liked youe “I Want YOU!” recruitimg slogan a bit better, but we can give your new one a try too… anything to help recruitment.
RichPort | November 27, 2006 at 10:32 am
Geez, these keys are to close to each other… damn you sausage fingers and weed!
enfilade | November 27, 2006 at 10:34 am
Not another demon seed!
http://www.scandalsnappers.com/
ozarkaboost | November 27, 2006 at 10:41 am
i’m so glad someone is finally bringing this up. mainstream media seems to be ignoring the obvious question perhaps out of respect for the adopted children but i’ve not even seen this addressed in the tabloids. anyway, i think katie used donor sperm and nicole used donor eggs. katie only needed to get artificially inseminated because she probably has no fertility issues herself but in nicole’s case, she would need to go thru IVF using donor eggs that were fertilized with keith’s sperm in the lab (assuming he is fertile).
HolisticWisdomcom | November 27, 2006 at 10:44 am
She is beautiful, hope she is happy.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com
ToiletDuck | November 27, 2006 at 10:45 am
Well thank you #7, after reading that I vomited up a small amount of my bacon and eggs…mmmmm…
I am glad to see Nicole is finally preggers, it also means that FINALLY she has been getting some hard cock in her after so many years with TC, and now we may finally see her with some nice sized, swollen baby milk teats to go along with those expensive designer dresses she is always wearing…
ToiletDuck | November 27, 2006 at 10:52 am
I also don’t believe any of that horseshit about Nicole supposedly miscarrying TC’s baby…just more Hollywood Horscrap to shore up TC’s “masculine” image…
Click on the link below to see the REAL Suri, who was deemed not “beautiful” enough and was ditched in a Bengalese orphanage to rot forever…
http://youtube.com/watch?v=oLmhGb4ZdZo
Just Some Girl | November 27, 2006 at 10:59 am
Isn’t she like 40? It’s pretty risky for someone her age to be poppin out kids.
Jenster | November 27, 2006 at 11:01 am
#8 hit the nail right on the friggen head;
Suri DOES look like Bjork.
thats funny as shit, i dont care how many times people repeat it here.
hillary | November 27, 2006 at 11:02 am
yeah she’s 40 and the dad’s a hardcore addict, hard to see how their spawn could possibly have defects. it’s one bad ultrasound away from a vacuuming.
PrettyBaby | November 27, 2006 at 11:14 am
WELL, All I can say is that Tom Cruise (man lover) broke up with her (I think) because he really thought his cum was made for those of the opposite sex. And one night, when Tom was in a great mood after a few bottles of Scientology-approved wine while contemplating Xenu’s return, he threw one into Nicole impregnating her. I think he then invoked Xenu’s curse and the poor baby was miscarried. Bottom line here- Ton Cruise not only loves cock, but he also loves his wacked religion and he felt Nicole’s catholic womb was unfit.
Do you follow?@!
ToiletDuck | November 27, 2006 at 11:32 am
Well, I suppose he could just jerk off, throw it at her and let the flies do the job for him – oh, hee hee, forgot, that’s Courtney Love’s trick…
the boy | November 27, 2006 at 12:08 pm
NOTE: More fitting headline:
“Nicole Kidman might be (read: is most likely) heavily drinking”
llllllllll | November 27, 2006 at 12:59 pm
I’ve never seen someone so hhwhite in my life. She would go well on a blackboard.
frenchtoaststix | November 27, 2006 at 1:14 pm
Jeezus, I hope this kid is the most beautiful baby born anywhere out of 39-yeardold eggs and coked-out sperm. I hope it’s born with an IQ of 290 and comes out tap dancing and singing “There’s No Business Like Show Business.” I hope all these things because I am so fucking tired of hearing about her ex and his zombie bride and their Asian looking lab-created fembot.
ToiletDuck | November 27, 2006 at 1:35 pm
I love that picture – she is trying to be so fucking demure…
I like to picture her naked, on her back with her legs in the air, with a dick in her pussy, another one in her ass and another one between her plumped up, Botoxified lips…preferably one of the penises is black…she is not fooling anyone, she is a bona fide Hollywood slut…
Libraesque | November 27, 2006 at 1:39 pm
TO # 21, to date Tom Cruise doesn’t have any “blood” children, he’ll never have them, he admited in an interview in the mid 80′s that he’s sterile.
TO #31, Nicole K. doesn’t have a problem conceiving, the child she was carrying when Cruise walked out on her wasn’t his…which is why he left her
ozarkaboost | November 27, 2006 at 1:58 pm
TO LIBRAESQUE (#21)
REALLY??!! i would love to see that interview. do you have a reference? your info solves a long-time mystery for me… thanks.
ozarkaboost | November 27, 2006 at 1:59 pm
OOPS! I MEANT TO SAY “TO LIBRAESQUE (#44)”
TheDarkLady | November 27, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Yep, #44 I remember reading that Nicole getting pregnant was why Tom left her, since he was sterile it couldn’t have been his. Wish I could remember where I read it.
The Devil's Prom Date | November 27, 2006 at 4:22 pm
(FYI #34 the you tube short is of a real human child suffering from a rare skin disease called harlequin icthyosis)
The Devil's Prom Date | November 27, 2006 at 4:34 pm
With skin that pale, she’ll save a fortune on x-rays and ultrasounds. They can just shine a huge, bright light behind her until they see the fetus give ‘ol thumbs-up.
Libraesque | November 27, 2006 at 4:47 pm
DarkLady, Cruises only comment to the media was “She knows why” re: why he left her. I wasn’t a rabid Tom hater back then (like I am now) so I don’t recall why the public, and the media didn’t slam him more than they did on WHY he left his wife of 10 years who was also 3 months pregnant. I guess his admission that he was sterile was a little fresher in everyones mind back then, so it was all clearly on Nicole, but no one talked about it.
I’d bet the farm Cruise convinced her to hold back on her announcement that she’s pregnant till after his wedding, the controlling midget!!!
abatardi | November 27, 2006 at 5:36 pm
i guess they finally developed a cure for being a hermaphrodite?