Nicolas Cage Under Investigation For Child Abuse

The Superficial / April 26, 2011

Nicolas Cage’s drunken arrest last weekend keeps getting better. And by better I mean he’s under investigation for child abuse. TMZ reports:

According to the police report, Cage’s wife Alice told police she and Nic had been arguing on the night of April 15 “due to his intoxicated state” … when they went to pick up their son from a friend’s house. FYI — Alice was in the driver’s seat.
Alice told cops … she and Nic continued to argue until they arrived at their home — at which point she claims, “Mr Cage fell while holding their son. The fall caused the 5 year old to suffer a minor abrasion to his left knee.”
But a witness told cops a slightly different story — saying he saw “Mr. Cage pull the male child to the ground by his hand.”

So, let me get this straight, Alice’s defense is going to be that she sent a man, who was well-documented to be shit-hammered out of his mind, to bring their five-year-old son to the car and thought that would turn out awesome? Jesus, tell me they’re investigating her, too. It’s not like there isn’t a pattern of abuse here already, starting with naming the kid Kal-El. True story, I once got my ass kicked in the fourth grade for wearing a Superman belt buckle. Kal here’s going to need a helmet just to sharpen his pencil. “Hey, last son of Krypton, Ghost Rider insulted my intelligence and I eat paste.” *wap pap pap pap, wedgie*

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News