Nicolas Cage Under Investigation For Child Abuse
According to the police report, Cage’s wife Alice told police she and Nic had been arguing on the night of April 15 “due to his intoxicated state” … when they went to pick up their son from a friend’s house. FYI — Alice was in the driver’s seat.
Alice told cops … she and Nic continued to argue until they arrived at their home — at which point she claims, “Mr Cage fell while holding their son. The fall caused the 5 year old to suffer a minor abrasion to his left knee.”
But a witness told cops a slightly different story — saying he saw “Mr. Cage pull the male child to the ground by his hand.”
So, let me get this straight, Alice’s defense is going to be that she sent a man, who was well-documented to be shit-hammered out of his mind, to bring their five-year-old son to the car and thought that would turn out awesome? Jesus, tell me they’re investigating her, too. It’s not like there isn’t a pattern of abuse here already, starting with naming the kid Kal-El. True story, I once got my ass kicked in the fourth grade for wearing a Superman belt buckle. Kal here’s going to need a helmet just to sharpen his pencil. “Hey, last son of Krypton, Ghost Rider insulted my intelligence and I eat paste.” *wap pap pap pap, wedgie*