Nicola McLean brings cups of holiday cheer

December 17th, 2008 // 139 Comments

Dear Santa,

Please forgive me for the short notice, but I’m writing to request a last minute alteration to my Christmas list. Please replace the following item:

A Pitt-Jolie child dressed as an Ewok complete with spear to attack my enemies.


British Ultimo Lingerie model Nicola McLean despite the stretch marks that I’m sensitive and caring enough to look past because her breasts are ginormous.

My apologies again for such short notice, and I promise I won’t roofie up the cookies this year then hold your sack ransom. Wow, that came out all kinds of wrong.

The goodest boy in the whole wide world,

The Superficial Writer

Photos: WENN

  1. Pap Smear

    beat face, stretch marks, horrible ass, big fake disgusting tits… someone push this girl down a flight of stairs, i wish i hadnt full-sized these pics

  2. me !

    “What is up with all these over-the-top, hiddeous british skanks? And why does it seem like there is a Brit on every TV show these days? Don’t get me wrong, I love the Brits but not when they’re force fed to us. Enough already, Jesus.”

    yeah because you fucking morons don’t appear on all our television channels, if I hear another moronic american i think i’ll join al queda, they seem to have the right idea.

  3. sameshitdifferentyear

    roflmao at the comments for this one – nothing to add except

    #7 totally with you there – HBO could almost be renamed “Pay-BBC”
    WTMFF?? and also with all respect to you-all down-under, instead of getting Aussie actors to speak with a (faked) American accent, how about Hollywood doing something amazing, and actually just casting Americans?????

  4. something tasty

    She is 25. Not 27.

  5. Tom Cruise

    I’m with Fish on this one. Yeah, she’s butt ugly with monstrous deformations on her stomach and we all know british chicks age terribly, but DID YOU SEE THOSE TITS????
    photoshop yourself bitch

  6. kerry

    You know what? She has a child, a 2 year old. So who cares if she has stretch marks? She looks great! It just shows that she is a real person unlike most of those artificial celebrities out there.

  7. Brooke

    Yeah, who cares if she has stretch marks. She is proud enough to not hide them and I think that’s great.

  8. I have to agree with 56 and 57 to a degree, but there is a difference between have a couple of kids, stretch marks and going to a club wearing a shirt that shows your stretch marks and being a professional lingerie model.

    There comes a time when you have to decide to do something else with your career.

  9. jeezey mc jeeze

    you guys would be lucky to fuck someone like her, say hello to whatevery other model theyve shown on this site looks like before they photoshop the hell out of their pictures

  10. elva

    (?_?)(?_?)??__Mixedloving.c o m__?? This is a particular place for single hot ladies and handsome guys looking for their love or friends of different races all around the world! Welcome to Join us and have your own profile to start chatting with them online right now! That is totally free!(?_?)(?_?)

  11. marme


  12. Posh86

    LOL, In response to all negative comments: There is a reason this website is called the Superficial and you are it.
    Even people who haven’t had kids have stretch marks and all those size 2 blondes you superficial people fuck they probably have them too and if not I bet you can find some cellulite. Guys get stretch marks even teenagers get strech marks from growing to fast.

    But all that said I think she could have wore like some high wasted pinup girl style panties or a corset and saved us all a lot of time responding to this post.

  13. googi

    that flat ass is perfect for anal…..

  14. Schadenfreudelicious

    if your stomach is riddled with stretch marks, it kinda takes away from your ginormous fake tits….cover that shit up please…yes we know… pregnancy can be unkind to the female body…luck of the draw girlfriend…next time do us all a favor and try pants….

  15. Billson

    I love her.

    She has stretch marks, thank God for someone who doesn’t airbrush themselves daily.

  16. Derrick

    That looks so bad, it HAS to be fake… Why the hell is she wearing that??

  17. Derrick

    That looks so bad, it HAS to be fake… Why the hell is she wearing that??

  18. She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site “”"” W e a l t h y D a t e r . c o m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?

  19. Kelly

    Wow….everyone is so hung up on her stretch marks, which by the way, are almost invisible. Mine…well, I can just wish for em to look like that. But when I have my surgery later this year they will be gone. Yay. It actually kinda looks like she had a tummy tuck. Her belly button is way too perfect. Doesn’t matter. She’s a rough looking 27 year old though. wow.

  20. lola

    her stomach looks great so I am glad she is not afraid to show it off! Not good for women’s lib, though

  21. Emily

    lol, you who commend her for being “natural” and showing off her stretch marks completely neglect how artificial and overprocessed the rest of her is.

  22. D

    I think she’s hot. Just because there are some imperfections doesn’t mean she’s she vomit-worthy. And just because she has big boobs doesn’t make her trash. I’d tear that up in a second.

  23. D

    But yeah, maybe she’s a little too brave for public consumption.

  24. britney's weave

    i’m sure everyone is very busy commenting on the girl, but i would just like to point out that santa’s beard appears to be a blonde wig. wtf?

  25. F-Obama

    She brings a cup of cheer my ass, she brings Double D Cups of cheer!

  26. Me 2

    Holy lord in heaven I am never having a baby, all I can look at are her stretch marks. I feel so bad for her but at the same time, I don’t understand why she didn’t just wear a santa-trim teddy or something else that would’ve covered her tummy.

    They should show her picture to teenage girls in health class – abstinence rates will rise instantly.

  27. This is the american way of saying: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIII?
    be sure: FAKENESS IS ON TOP OF THE LIST, folks!!

  28. Kelly Ya know I was thinking the exact same thing!!

  29. Superficial Writer, that was catty to say about the stretch marks but I admit that was the first thing I thought of when seeing these shots. Those shots are cute to give a hubby but not for everyone to see. Aah, the British…

  30. Julio

    Britney’s Weave is right…why does Santa’s beard look like a blonde wig??

    If she was a natural gal and didn’t have synthetic flotation devices installed then actually I’d be ok with the stretch marks. I would think ‘ok cool here’s an natural woman’

    But she’s trying to sell the myth of unnatural female beauty and fabricated sexuality so why not finish the job and airbrush out the imperfections?

    The whole advert needs to be scrapped and re-thought. It’s clearly not up to Western standards of product display and glamour.

  31. Dear Santa :

    All I want for Christmas is…a few Sleeman’s, world peace, a bit of Famous Grouse,
    JUSTICE! !!!!,
    and oh… Wait Big Guy…just got a text. in here….so hold on a sec…let’s see now…just reading the thing….’Something’ (undetermined text) was “a..n… i.. n ..s.. i ..d ..e..” . ..Hummm…. An inside what ? I wonder.
    Couldn’t quite make out the rest – I’m on the ‘Global Economic Meltdown’ monthly phone plan and only pay for a few characters a month.

    Cliff Notes : Job.

  32. <3's

    Float across the pond on those things.

  33. <3's

    Float across the pond on those things.

  34. venusthrow

    Hey Superficial – you’ve dropped the ball – you didn’t find the new playboy pictures of Carmen Electra. I was looking forward to your diatribe or more likely a love letter on that one.

  35. outfromunder

    -good for her for showing off a great body! stretch marks and all. it shows that women who do have stretch marks or other ‘imperfections’ can still buy sexy lingerie and look great and feel confident
    -sick shoes.

  36. Man i hate those ginormous bras. Nice ad frenzy changes Superficial, blah

  37. heidiii

    You would think she would have taken off her socks before getting the fake tan spray down..

  38. heidiii

    You would think she would have taken off her socks before getting the fake tan spray down..

  39. JoeJam2845

    Pretty gal…Too bad she ruined her Body with that Overkill Boobjob!

  40. Yank and wank they rhyme for a reason

    @7 obviously you are a complete fuckwit fake and disgusting American shit is fed to us around the clock and we don’t like you UGLY, OBESE and IGNORANT citizens either, plus your voices?? Nothing is more irritating and ugly on the ear than the American way of talking. Not even a face made for radio with most Yanks I sure as hell dont want to hear your nasal droning.

  41. So #90 – Inside job ?

    You a Brit ?
    Having any problems with the link ?

  42. Looks more like a tummy tuck scar doesn’t it?

  43. Mbimbi`

    WOW to be so brave

  44. Mbimbi`

    WOW to be so brave

  45. Kahlee

    @7 Force fed to us? Do you even KNOW how much American shit we get over here? We have tv chanels exclusively dedicated to US tv shows. Please don’t complain about a few British people on your tv. And yes this woman is horrific looking.

  46. blp

    @95. Yes! and as we invented TV you’ll bloody well watch what you’re given and be grateful for it!

  47. blp

    Oh, before anyone mentions that it was a mechanical TV and the CRT that replaced it was invented by a German I’d like to remind you that although America holds half the worlds patents we invented all the good stuff like TVs and telephones..and Simon Cowell! Tally ho chaps!

  48. I’m reading that she’s 25 and married to some soccer thug like Posh Spice.

    Kinda rough for 25.

  49. Kahlee is a kum-gargling sperm-burping WHORE!!!!!!!!!!!

    @ #95: Shut the fuck up, Kahlee, you stupid stupid STUPID WHORE! You stupid SLUT! Shut that stupid penis sucking hole you think of as a mouth, you filthy fellating FLOOZIE! You STRUMPET! You TART!

    Go out and troll for customers in the middle of the nearest highway you dirty WHORE! Go flash your hairy twat at men in passing cars, and take whatever they offer you as payment, even if it’s nothing but a bottle cap, because that’s all you’re worth, you dirty WHORE!!!

  50. Tally

    #53 Maybe its because Aussies are better actors than Americans? Since our actors can quite easily master your accents (both southern and city) whilst yours have not once given a convincing performance of an Australian accent.

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