Nicola McLean brings cups of holiday cheer

December 17th, 2008 // 139 Comments

Dear Santa,

Please forgive me for the short notice, but I’m writing to request a last minute alteration to my Christmas list. Please replace the following item:

A Pitt-Jolie child dressed as an Ewok complete with spear to attack my enemies.

With:

British Ultimo Lingerie model Nicola McLean despite the stretch marks that I’m sensitive and caring enough to look past because her breasts are ginormous.

My apologies again for such short notice, and I promise I won’t roofie up the cookies this year then hold your sack ransom. Wow, that came out all kinds of wrong.

The goodest boy in the whole wide world,

The Superficial Writer

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. Max Power

    Beat face and stretch marks. Awful.

  2. Tim

    The British ones are always heifers.

  3. Jimmy

    Mom! Mom! Mom! The toy Santa brought me is BUSTED!

  4. Jumpin_J

    I gotta get me one of those.

  5. Obama the Messiah

    She looks like my wife. Except for the fake tits that is.

  6. Ted from East St. Louis

    She looks like a dipshit with a face made for radio.

  7. Holyfuck

    What is up with all these over-the-top, hiddeous british skanks? And why does it seem like there is a Brit on every TV show these days? Don’t get me wrong, I love the Brits but not when they’re force fed to us. Enough already, Jesus.

  8. Is that C-section scar? whats with those brittish fame seekers and big fake boobs?

  9. Vince Lombardi

    Santa, you lucky bastard!

  10. sla

    Her boobs are huge, but those cups are still too big. And probably stuffed with chicken cutlets.

    And the stretch marks… WTF? These look like professional photos and if there was ever a time for photoshop, this is it.

  11. Em

    You know, there comes a point (which usually coincides with the development of stretch marks) where a woman really should say to herself, “maybe I’m just not lingerie model material anymore.” And that point for Tits McGee up top there was reached a decade ago. Would someone please tell her to go home and take care of the obvious litter of mini-whores that she birthed at some point?

  12. Andy

    Dear Santa,

    Please don’t bring me an aging cow for Christmas.

    Thanks,

    Andy

  13. ToTellTheTruth

    Santa looks like he’s saying “please dont let me bust a nut on my pants in front of the kids!!”

  14. You could definitely go ass to mouth on this one.

  15. Rick

    I wish she’d pull those shorts down and bend over so that we can see her hemorrhoids.

  16. ToTellTheTruth

    ..wonder if her stretch marks glow in the dark????

  17. ToTellTheTruth

    ..wonder if her stretch marks glow in the dark????

  18. What the hell?? backwood bitch that comment is unlike you! explain your comment,,,im going to pretend youve been with a woman!

  19. george

    Hmmm ugly implant gap with huge hard breasts. Um yeah what a turn on!

  20. Dana

    stretch marks

  21. CaptainMorgan

    This is one that Daisy will have to skip. There is a desperate NEED for Photoshop here.

    If I was an exec. for the company she is modelling for, I’d fire the guy she slept with to get the job. This is BAD.

  22. Danklin24

    Holy shit this chick is ugly. I think she hit every fucking branch of the ugly tree.

  23. Kelley

    Red outfit, fake tits, blue fingernails, bad form !!!

  24. Dixie

    I think it is great the UK show what some models truly look like without airbrushing. Everyone has flaws, including models, but they are most always airbrushed.

  25. MonkeyMan777

    *hork*
    I just threw up.
    IT I need a new keyboard STAT!

  26. I hate to admit it, but Tara Reid looks a little better after rehab…

  27. insom

    Supposedly she’s only 27.

  28. Jrz

    I’ve seen more realistic tits on mannequins.

  29. Hadda Nuff

    She makes lingerie look cheap and nasty like it needs to be burned in a hot fire. If she continues this for a living, she should put some makeup on those stretch marks before she ends up out of work because she’s not good at this. She should turn tricks or/and do porn instead. She could learn a thing or two from Britney on the proper way to successfully skank for megacash.

  30. Queef

    Looks like reindeer sloppy seconds.
    Typical euro trash……

  31. Kayleigh C

    Shut up! She’s beautiful and so what she’s got stretch marks, don’t you all? Her body is banging and she’s beautiful breasts. Haters.

  32. dr goodbody

    These have not been shopped.

  33. Pete

    Santa wondered if a leather purse had fallen out of her stuffed bra but then he realized it was her stomach rubbing up against him.

  34. Fernanado Narcos

    Even British ReallDolls are fugtastic…

  35. smoking burned out eyesockets

    i’d hit it

  36. ^^^^ here’s the picture Fish left out. Note that it’s her, wearing the black bra.

  37. Who's Horny?

    The Fish can have her. Those tits are not worth having to look at the rest of that shit.

  38. Trevor

    I think the stretch marks on this model made a lot of females happy today knowing that one does not have to be perfect to be considered sexy.

  39. Pathetic Worm

    I’d have sex with Nicola McClean but I’d use Santa as a contraceptive.

    And I’d be thinking about Santa. That slut Santa… in his sexy wellies…

  40. elva

    (?_?)(?_?)??__Mixedloving.c o m__?? This is a particular place for single hot ladies and handsome guys looking for their love or friends of different races all around the world! Welcome to Join us and have your own profile to start chatting with them online right now! That is totally free!(?_?)(?_?)

  41. CaptObvious

    You guys realise she probably just had a baby, right? Yeah, she could probably throw some make-up on that shit since she’s a model, but you’d have to be queer to think the rest of her don’t look good.

    Also, enjoy the added MILF-status. mmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm,

  42. The beautiful British girls with natural bodies > the British girls with a lot of work done. Why Lucy Pinder, Michelle Marsh, or Eva Wyrwal aren’t asked to do these things instead of Jordan, Danielle Lloyd, or Jodie Marsh is beyond me.

    Also: McLean had 32Es and had them enhanced to 32Gs. That bothers me.

  43. CaptObvious

    You guys realise she probably just had a baby, right? Yeah, she could probably throw some make-up on that shit since she’s a model, but you’d have to be queer to think the rest of her don’t look good.

    Also, enjoy the added MILF-status. mmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm,

  44. buckeyedg

    British words of wisdom:

    “You should never look at the mantlepiece while poking the fire”

    In other news… i think some of those marks are just from the costume pressing in. C-section scar is a possibility but its off center considering the placement its likely from something else… .

  45. buckeyedg

    British words of wisdom:

    “You should never look at the mantlepiece while poking the fire”

    In other news… i think some of those marks are just from the costume pressing in. C-section scar is a possibility but its off center considering the placement its likely from something else… .

  46. Bill

    She has a 2 year old son, so obviously she got unlikely in terms of stretch marks. She needs to accept her fate, be a good mom, and cover that shit up. She’s a whore who had a bastard son, so she’s going to have to hope for some eager-to-please guy who’ll tell her total lies about not caring about her disgusting scarred up collapsed stomach. Probably a momma’s boy who’s still fixated on boobs and will never really achieve adult sexuality. But good looking guys? Not a chance. She’s only 27 and she’s got the beat-up-and-partially-reconstructed Ms. Frankenstein body of a 40-year-old recently divorced and desperate to grab another guy before it’s too late. There were at least a dozen 27 year olds with much better bodies in the immediate vicinity of that photo shoot.

  47. Andrea

    If you click on #36′s link, or simply google “Daily Mail Nicola McLean” you’ll get the full story and full set of pictures. And you’ll definitely NOT say she’s hot. The whole thing is kind of disturbing, like shaved-head Britney when she was taking handfuls of Adderall and laxatives and going out all the time.

  48. davina wengren

    i think she is a decent looking woman. However- the stretch marks need to be hidden. I am a mother and i have stretch marks and you wouldnt catch me dead in a bikini now. even though i have my body back, i have stretch marks on my tummy and im not about to throw on a belly shirt and show the world my battle scars.

  49. Nicola's son

    Dear Santa,

    For Christmas all I want is some Matchbox race cars. Mommy already has the track (on her stomach).

    Thank you.

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