Nicki Minaj Banged Zac Efron

“His penis… it didn’t touch my ovaries.”

Apparently Nicki Minaj secretly hooked up with Zac Efron right around the time he was in the middle of his newfound coke habit, so I’m already on board with this because I would have sex with Nicki Minaj sober. Or my own hand because it’s easier to overpower. (What? I’ve been reading Melissa Gorga’s book.) Via Hollywood Life:

“Zac and Nicki shared a steamy night together. Nicki took Zac to her house in West Hollywood. She said he was the best lover she’s ever had.”

When Zac Efron dropped that condom on the red carpet, it was allegedly a Magnum which a.) completely negates my caption up there (EFRON!) but b.) adds another layer of credibility to this story on top of all the coke. So right about now I’d be feeling pretty shitty if I were Drake who also banged Nicki but didn’t earn the title of Best Ever. I’d also have uncanny peripheral vision because my eyes are practically next to my ears. Sneaking up on me will never be an option, so don’t even try that shi- *walks into pole directly in front of him*

Photos: Instagram / Fame/Flynet