Nick Lachey wishes he caught Jessica Simpson cheating

April 19th, 2006 // 73 Comments

lachey-simpson-speak.jpgNick Lachey has an interview in Rolling Stone in which he reveals some insight as to what went down with him and Jessica Simpson. Regarding the ending of his three year marriage he says:

“I don’t know if there were other men. But if she did cheat, it was the result of something bigger, not the reason we didn’t work. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I had just walked in the house and found her in bed with a guy. That would be clear-cut. End of story. I wouldn’t have to deal with the uncertainty of adultery.”

Nick also talked about Jessica’s father, Joe Simpson, saying:

“I don’t pretend to understand Joe. I don’t know if he ever liked me. To this day I couldn’t say. It was painful. Do I think Joe drove a rift between us? No. Was he an influence in our marriage? Absolutely.”

Would it be totally inappropriate if I claimed Jessica Simpson cheated on Nick Lachey with her father? I don’t have any sources or anything, but I do have a sneaking suspicion. And really, isn’t a sneaking suspicion just as good as any evidence obtained through thorough journalistic research?



  1. Lavis

    Oh, please. They are both SO tiresome.

  2. JP

    I’m first, yay for me. Yawn.

  3. The Mad Scientologist

    That’s what happens when you marry someone with the intelligence of a retarded elephant turd. It’s fun for a while, but then you smear it on your face and you move on.

  4. Vampyreska

    The only man she cheated on Nick with was Joe Simpson. Who’s your daddy???

  5. suzy

    her dad probably did have influence on her to divorce him. you could tell in the shows when nick would play golf with jess’ dad… he just wanted the money and then when the show was done nick was gone too

  6. you know they’re just trying to cover their tracks…the reality is that nick and joe simpson were having a torid affair…and jessica was the only beard he could grow….

  7. Jacq

    I agree with Superfish that Jessica only betrayed her vows with her father. Designing her jeans isn’t the only way that he gets into them.
    I wish he’d just come out and call her a cheating cunt already. I want to kick her in the crotch with a steel-toed boot.

  8. CruisingForCock

    “But if she did cheat, it was the result of something bigger,”
    I think he meant she wanted someone bigger than his 4 inches. The steriods shrunk his stuff.

  9. merbear

    am i the only who finds this story truly tragic? nick loved this woman, was willing to abide by her decision to “wait until marriage” and, in my opinion, seems to be a genuinely sweet guy: i feel so horrible for him that he has to deal with the fact that he *doesnt know* if jessica cheated…i agree with him that it would be 100000000 times better to just know, for certain…god, jessica is *suchhh* a fucking bitch-ughh.

  10. awww….he thinks he’s people…

  11. CancerNipples

    I’m just waiting to see how much she is going to have to pay to this bum in the divorce because her stupid ass didn’t sign a prenup. Which, she didn’t do (and daddy didn’t insist on) because when they got married, she was a nobody and he was…slightly less of a nobody. Shows how much faith Joe really has in his daughter.

    jessica is going to get so screwed in this divorce (unless Nick, as much of a loser as he is, could still be a “nice guy” and not go after her money)

  12. mamacita


    heifferzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz told me that only fat lesbians wear steel-toed boots. I guess we’re both fat lesbians. Wait. I also have a mullet and I’m wearing a flannel shirt/long john shirt combo and carpenter jeans. Does that in ANY way say lesbian? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

  13. HappyTimeHarry

    We are talking about a girl who thought chicken of the sea tuna was some sort of a rare bread of underwater breathing chickens…

    i cant imagine it would have been difficult to catch her cheating. Unless of course she was going home to visit and her dad was playing hide the salami with her. great game.

  14. shell

    Funny how Jess made Nick wait until marriage but once she got the taste of the cock she wound up boinking everything in sight. I’m sure that does a lot for Nick’s ego.

    Not unlike Tom Cruise, Jessica loves the cock.

  15. Jacq

    #12 – I mostly deduced that I was a lesbian because my front teeth are all worn down from munching so much box. Are you wearing the long sleeve flannel with shorts, by any chance. And Doc Martens?

    You know, this whole thing would have turned out differently if Nick had been the bigger star. Marrying with no prenup, they thought she was marrying up. They forgot all about their Christian roots and threw Nick to the side out of greed. She’s going to be the Liz Taylor of our generation. I hate her with the intense passion of 5 fiery suns.

  16. CheekyChops

    This guy is a tool. Unless Chestica coughs up some dough, this guy is gonna be checking into the Surreal Life house real soon.

  17. Italian Stallion

    I was going to show the world the tape me and Jessica made 2 years ago, but didn’t in fear that Joe Simpson would try to kill me for fucking his pussy on the side. But if Nick really wants to know, I will be releasing it this weekend……

    Joe if your reading this, I do have some Mob ties in Naples…..Don’t FUCK with me!!!!!

    Nick if your reading this, I FUCKED YOUR WIFE, NANNY NANNY BOO BOO……..

  18. Jacq

    Somewhere in the distance, I hear rolling thunder.

  19. Nick wishes he caught her so he could get paid in the divorce settlement.

  20. PapaHotNuts

    It would be great if the entire family were in a limo together on the way to a mediation, a very nice mediation trying to work out everything peacefully before going to court. And Jessica had just a little bit of her Mocha Latte left, and opened her limo door to pour out the rest so it doesn’t spill in the car. And then a wild coyote jumped in through the open door and bit all of them on the face, several times. Then the wild coyote would take off, running back into the street, with the taste of the Simpson/Lachey feud all over his foaming mouth.

  21. Spindoc

    #11 Cancer Nipples, Remember, Nick was making more than Jessica when they first got married and her father insisted that there be NO pre-nup. I assume he thought Nick would be the one pulling in more money. SO any money he gets from her is for two reasons, one, Daddy didn’t want t pre-nup, and 2. He could argue that her increasing fame is the result of their MTV show of which he was a part. Either way she better get used to being half as rich as she is now.

  22. jugsgirl

    Thunder Cunts?

  23. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Nick’s funny. “I wish I WOULD walk up in this bitch and catch her cheating. Just LET me find her fuckin around on me, I WISH she WOULD!” He’s such a troublemaker.

  24. sundaybl00dysunday

    Oh Nick Nick Nick ts ts ts, I bet tomorrow he will be spotted screwing some super easy skank like Lindsay Lohan or Tara Reid.

  25. Fisher55

    #15, the “Liz Taylor of our generation?” Doubtful.

  26. em167

    I have to go with Nick on this one. He must have really loved her. I mean, he spent years dating her and he wasn’t even getting any. Joe Simpson is a creep, I hope Nick gets a butt load of cash.

  27. mamacita


    True dat. If she wanted to be the “Liz Taylor of our generation”, she’d have to display some actual talent BEFORE she started acting like a skeezy ho and selling fragrances.

  28. ESQ

    Here’s a thought Nick: Stop pondering over what went wrong in your marriage, it obviously wasn’t meant to be. Just take your divorce settlement money and stay quiet like JLo’s second husband, whoever the fuck he is.

  29. Mr. Fritz

    I love lesbians! Hey ladies, keep posting all of your desires and don’t leave out the details. I am a long time member of the Players With Yourselves Club.

  30. ESQ

    Here’s a thought Nick: Stop pondering over what went wrong in your marriage, it obviously wasn’t meant to be. Just take your divorce settlement money and stay quiet like JLo’s second husband, whoever the fuck he is.

  31. Mr. Fritz

    I love lesbians! Hey ladies, keep posting all of your desires and don’t leave out the details. I am a long time member of the Players With Yourselves Club.

  32. ESQ

    Here’s a thought Nick: Stop pondering over what went wrong in your marriage, it obviously wasn’t meant to be. Just take your divorce settlement money and stay quiet like JLo’s second husband, whoever the fuck he is.

  33. CancerNipples

    21, that was my whole point. I guess I didn’t make it clear in my post or something, but you just reiterated everything I said (or meant to say, perhaps my initial post only made sense to me? Whatever I’m really tired right now.)

    Personally I think Jess was stupid for marrying before ever having sex, and Nick was even stupider for saying “Okay lets wait til marraige” Morons.

    I don’t think she is a whore though, that is totally off. That’s just my opinion. Jessica Simpson is hella lame, let me count the ways. But a ‘whore’, someone who sleeps around, I don’t think so.

    And since when does sleeping with more than one man in your life make you a whore? Sexist morons.

  34. Yes, in other words, It was Papa Joe’s fault. I knew it.

  35. Trotter

    Their settlement is being mediated by their pastor, Jim Bakker. First they’ll get down on their knees in front of him and pray. While their eyes are closed he’ll whack off under his robe and whichever one ends up with more “holy jizz” on their face will get the bigger reward.

    Jess’ Dad wanted to officiate, but after years of being fucked by him, both parties found something to agree on.

  36. Trotter

    Oh, and lookee here. MeganHarris had a fascinating perspective to offer. Almost as creative as Terri Schiavo’s last words…

  37. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    MeganHarris, you sloe-eyed, flipper-handed, patchy-hair having, Garbage Pail Kid – when I find you I’m going to stick a spear through your collarbone and pin you up on the side of a building in the South side of Chicago with a bright red swastika painted on your fat, leathery ass. And then I’m going to throw sand in your eyes and set your shoes on fire, just because I hate you that much.

  38. Jacq

    Ya’ll, whoever said she could act? Don’t forget that Liz has also been married 65,698 times. Jessica’s just getting started, give my prophecy time to fulfill itself.

    #22 – Exactly.

    Thanks for summing everything up, Megan. You’re a fucking genius today.

    Jessica is stupid for “waiting until marriage”. No one should buy the car until they test-drive it. Nick should have forced himself on her very early in their relationship, then they would have broken up and saved us all from the marriage/Newlyweds/divorce debacle. And Jess could have started being a slut a long time ago.

  39. Oshkosh:

    You hate me that much? This is fascinating. Do you still wear those overalls by the way?

  40. CruisingForCock

    #39 Seriously. Yes. Not only does Osh hate you that much but everyone else here does as well.
    And overalls are hot!

  41. CruisingForCock

    #39 I forgot to call you a Stupid Cunt

  42. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    At least I don’t wear overalls made from young boys’ skin, you disgusting whore.

  43. mamacita

    Ok, kiddies, I have a little play time for everyone. Go here

    and enter the username mamahatesmeganharris and the password thundercunt

    Click on ‘proceed without code’, then ‘continue’, then click on ‘MeganHarris’. It is my best work. Let me explain the finer points.

    She’s dressed like a nasty hooker, cause she is one.

    She’s got yucky green slime in her mouth from slobbing on Land-Man’s teeny festering penis.

    In her right hand, she’s holding the little boy’s thigh.

    In her left hand, she’s holding a bag of Land-Man’s rancid semen, which is dripping down to be a lucky rat’s dinner.

    Laying at her feet,deader than dead, is Land-Man’s Cock which keeled over from the stench.

    Finally, she’s still got a great big smile cause she’s just so stupid that she doesn’t realize that everything about her sucks.

  44. Trotter

    @43 Mama, that is fucking phenomenal. Made me writhe in pain laughing.

    I know you’re married, but will your husband let you stray for just a little while? I’d be real nice and all. I’ll get you drunk, high on whatever you’d like, then we could play crayons and garbage pail kids and other wholesome stuff… We could even drive around and throw stuff at homeless people. C’mon! S’fun!

  45. mamacita

    Trotter, I am also writhing in pain, but it’s not from laughing. It’s cause my husband just kicked a hole in my stomach, so I guess that’s pretty much a ‘no’ to that question you asked about straying for just a little while.

  46. Trotter

    Mamacita – check back at Garbagepail – I created a new one for you.

  47. lurkerx

    That would have been funny. Nick walks in, keeps hearing “BAM!” from somewhere in the house. He storms into the bedroom expecting Margera, and finds Emeril humping her with a big ass pepper grinder.

  48. mamacita


    BWAHHHAAAAHAAAHHAAAA!!!! Eww, MeganHarris farted. Nasty bitch.

  49. Trotter

    Mama – we’ll always have Paris…

  50. Iambananas

    I am SICK of Jessica Simpson… I think Nick is just annoying and wouldn’t be anything without Jessica… I think Joe Simpson is VERY WEIRD… Alshee Simpson is DOUBLE ANNOYING (and she can’t sing)… and I don’t know how Drew Lachay turned out so freaking adorable in the whole mess… that’s what I think.

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