Nick Lachey is your sexual fantasy

January 6th, 2006 // 41 Comments

In an interview with Elle magazine, Nick Lachey admits that he used to put on Jessica Simpson’s shoes and walk around in them, saying: “It was sort of a kinky thing we liked to get into.”

Other revelations from Lachey, 32, in the interview include him owning up to “typically (being) an overly sensitive person, I lay my heart out there too often.” For instance, he tells Elle, “I’ve never been shy about crying. Sometimes we’re so scared of our emotions that we rob ourselves.”

Among his emotional admissions: He still thinks his ex is the sexiest woman he’s ever seen. He’s also a proponent of candid conversation. “I haven’t even realized my full dirty talk potential,” he claims.

So if any of you women out there have ever wondered what a sexual encounter with Nick Lachey would be like, it’d probably consist of him calling you a dirty slut while wearing your shoes and sobbing uncontrollably. Just thinking about it makes me orgasm. And by orgasm I mean super orgasm.

Nick’s ‘Kinky’ Marriage Secret [People]

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Comments (41)

  1. Seamus Begonia Smell | January 6, 2006 at 6:56 pm

    ewwwwwwwwww. sign me up!

    Reply
  2. Layne | January 6, 2006 at 6:59 pm

    ew. i rather lick a birth mark

    Reply
  3. LoneWolf | January 6, 2006 at 6:59 pm

    Holy Christ, I can’t believe that he admitted to being a quasi transvetite. Poor bastard must have really been hard up. I remember one episode of “Newlyweds” where she was bitching about him not holding the door for her like he used to, and he told her, “I used to get laid”. Not getting enough from a hot-ass like her has gotta be bad enough, but when you think about it, she probably wasn’t that good anyway if she really was a virgin when they got married.

    The image of him sashaying around in Jessica’s stillettoes will haunt me until the day I die. And by “day I die” I mean “minute I move on to the next post”. What a publicity whore he is – doesn’t even realize he’s debasing himself just to be sensational.

    Reply
  4. HollyJ | January 6, 2006 at 7:05 pm

    I just pictured him in heels, crying, saying dirty porno shit, while waxing his pole to pictures of Jessica. ::::clawing wildly at my eyeballs:::::

    Reply
  5. PKClover | January 6, 2006 at 7:09 pm

    Like it’s any surprise to any of us he never wore the pants in that relationship.

    Reply
  6. lucylicious | January 6, 2006 at 7:23 pm

    I like how some of the people posting are now starting to sound like the guy who writes the articles. Ha. As far as I can see, Jessica must be somewhat to blame for the crumbling of the marriage. I’m surprised that Nick managed to be married to such a colossal idiot for so long in the first place. I guess it had to help that she’s hot…if she were ugly she sure as hell wouldn’t have won him over.

    Reply
  7. Meesa420 | January 6, 2006 at 7:28 pm

    I guess after that whole media whore that was Newlyweds, I shouldn’t be surprised by this oversharing on Nick’s part. Wow – I just really thought once he broke free of Papa Joe he’d start to keep a little something for himself…

    Reply
  8. tuesdayup | January 6, 2006 at 7:55 pm

    I guess the good news for all you girls out there is that he’s getting divorced so you can grab yourself a piece of the sobbing, cross-dressing, 98 degrees singer that is Nick Lachey, and by “all you girls” I mean Tom Cruise and Jake Gyllenhaal. Go get ‘em.

    http://theobsessivemessenger.com/thenews/?p=83

    Reply
  9. ZoomBoy | January 6, 2006 at 8:05 pm

    Honestly, when I heard of the Newlyweds show, I thought Nick was going to be some prissy puss who sucked his boy band brothers dick, but then I watched a few episodes and found him out to be a half-decent guy.. anyone who can put up with Jessica’s shit, and laugh at her IQ of 14 and the thoughts it creates is A-ok in my book.

    Then I read about him wearing womans shoes…

    Reply
  10. Jewbacca | January 6, 2006 at 8:08 pm

    NICK LAGAY SHOULD START RAPPING, HIM, PATRICK SWAYZE AND K-FED SHOULD FORM A SUPERGROUP. THAT ADVICE IS FREE. ID GIVE MY LEFT NUT TO FONDLE JESSICAS TATA’S IF I HADN’T ALREADY LOST IT IN A VACUUM CLEANER ACCIDENT.

    Reply
  11. hafaball | January 6, 2006 at 8:47 pm

    hey, I wear woman’s stockings in the secret of my house but i’m not in Elle, those bastards. Of course I still need to have sex with jessica simpson, but seeing what she did to Nick…I’m not sure I’d want to…

    Reply
  12. derekd | January 6, 2006 at 9:01 pm

    Just watched “Dukes of Hazzard” and I guess because of “white woman’s curse” they had to bring in a double for Jessica’s ass. Very easy to pick up on it in the film. Oh this is a article on Nick Lachey? Sorry.

    Reply
  13. anime babe | January 6, 2006 at 9:40 pm

    Bwaaahaaahaaahaa

    Reply
  14. Caroline | January 6, 2006 at 10:05 pm

    Perhaps their “irreconcilable differences” was that Jessica was sick of finding her stillettos in Nick’s closet and stinking of manfeet. That bastard. Get him for all he’s worth, Jessica. Oh wait, that’s nothing. Hm.

    Reply
  15. guynoir | January 6, 2006 at 11:42 pm

    Meh I dunno why people are so hard on poor ole Nick. He seemed to me like a normal guy… he watched sports, didn’t feel like talking to his wife sometimes, started projects he never finished, etc. And who among us hasn’t put on a kinky show for the lady once or 12 times?

    Besides, she moved her best friend into the house for several months. I gotta give Lache credit b/c I would’ve left her ass after a week of that BS unless they were tag teaming me.

    Lache should go after her money, and then give what he gets to a charity benefiting the mentally challenged. That would be so ironic wouldn’t it?

    Reply
  16. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls | January 6, 2006 at 11:50 pm

    What kind of Huge Mammoth Man feet does Jess-Simp have if Nick can put on and wear her shoes???

    Doesn’t this Shoe wearing and Sobbing shit FINNALY prove that it’s true… they got divorced because HES GAY???

    Reply
  17. dirtdiva | January 7, 2006 at 2:27 am

    nasty. who do you think is nastier, Joe Simpson or Nick Douchbag Lachey?

    Reply
  18. HollyJ | January 7, 2006 at 2:45 am

    ‘and by

    Reply
  19. aims_25 | January 7, 2006 at 4:31 am

    I quite liked Nick Lachey– he seemed very down to earth, a typical guy really. And extra points for putting up with the moron that is Jessica Simpson. I would have had her put down years ago.

    Reply
  20. BurnZ | January 7, 2006 at 4:55 am

    I’d have done the same thing except I would have worn her thong and then taken pictures of myself

    Reply
  21. BurnZ | January 7, 2006 at 4:56 am

    after that I would have told her sister she was ugly and then put my dick in her mom’s ass

    Reply
  22. HughJorganthethird | January 7, 2006 at 7:06 am

    Who the fuck does Nick have doing his publicity these days ? Tom Cruise’s sister? There is no way I’d let my client talk about his transexual longings and his abiltiy to bawl like a neautered cat at the drop of a hat. Way to go Nick now not only are you the loser who lost the stupidest, hottest, and therefore best, chick in the land now your also going to be known as the worlds biggest pussy. Nicely done.

    Reply
  23. amma | January 7, 2006 at 11:29 am

    …See, this would be really disturbing if I believed it. Okay, yeah, he’s super pretty and he cries a lot. I’ll buy that. The shoes–that could be real too. But no way about the other stuff…even if he is actually the one who likes being called a dirty girl…Because, as anyone could tell by looking at him, he’s smooth as a Ken doll from the waist down.

    Reply
  24. Sheva | January 7, 2006 at 4:27 pm

    C’mon even Hillary Clinton’s shoes would be too small for Nick. (The hoof does help him try though.)

    I want to hear the things he said to Jessica. You know there had to be a payoff for dealing with her dumbass.

    I’ll help you Nick. “You filthy stinkin ho, Jess.”
    Jessica, “More, more, tell me more.”

    Reply
  25. Edie | January 7, 2006 at 6:48 pm

    Okay. I just need to point out something very practical here.

    If he’s wearing Jessica’s shoes, that means either she has a pair of mostrously large boats or he’s got little button piddies.

    Think about it. Have you ever known a man who could fit into your high heels??

    Reply
  26. Roddy von Seldeneck | January 7, 2006 at 6:59 pm

    ….it has also been reported that he made HER dress up like George Michael.

    Reply
  27. IvoryFingers | January 7, 2006 at 10:44 pm

    I wonder if Nick will get his manhood back in the divorce settlement?

    Reply
  28. Cuore56 | January 7, 2006 at 11:41 pm

    Hey Edie,

    I made the same kind of post but I don’t know where it disappeared to. Good point!

    Reply
  29. Rab1501 | January 8, 2006 at 12:22 am

    The research says and
    the story lies, fire
    flies, and jars.

    Reply
  30. clarkehead | January 8, 2006 at 1:47 am

    I know I’m probably in the minority, but I don’t find her all that attractive. Her face matches her empty head. She’s got a thick, bold, insipid face with a big dimple in her chin. Give her 20 years and she’ll look like Kirk Douglas. Add that to the fact that she acts like an imbecil and you have nothing to cry into your pillow about.

    How her and her equally talentless sister (with her huge nose) got famous is a total mystery to me.

    Reply
  31. Layne | January 8, 2006 at 9:00 pm

    soooo….slow news week eh? (or im just a loser who checks in WAY too often)

    Reply
  32. Pesky Humans | January 8, 2006 at 11:29 pm

    So when he puts Jessica’s shoes on, does he have them hammered on like normal horseshoes? I am sorry but every time I see that girl I want to feed her a carrot.

    Reply
  33. Pesky Humans | January 8, 2006 at 11:32 pm

    So when he puts Jessica’s shoes on, does he have them hammered on like normal horseshoes? I am sorry but every time I see that girl I want to feed her a carrot.

    Reply
  34. dhampir | January 9, 2006 at 2:05 am

    Well, now that Nick has come out about his tendencies towards transexuality, I’m hoping this will inspire Tobey Maguire to come clean also.

    Tobey my dear friend, your apparent lack of testosterone hasn’t gone unnoticed…

    Reply
  35. lebowski | January 9, 2006 at 11:37 am

    Remeber Corky from the show “Life Goes On”? Well no one’s seen him in forever and so I think he decided to become a tranny, put on a blonde wig and renamed himself Jessica Simpson. It would explain alot. Like the retardation and the big shoes.

    Reply
  36. Wiseromancer | January 9, 2006 at 11:59 am

    Jessica’s stilettos were under-utilized because she was busy tromping up and down Nick’s manhood in her walkin’ boots. Wonder if he tried those on, too?

    Reply
  37. mags | January 9, 2006 at 4:21 pm

    Ohhh, no one’s seen Rocky Horror Picture Show?

    Men in fishnets and heels? So tasty!

    *drool*

    Reply
  38. violence in movies and sex on tv | January 9, 2006 at 8:16 pm

    You know, I have many sexual fantasies. One of them involves me and some Asian trannies hitting Nick Lachey in the face with dead fish, but definitely not Nick Lachey wearing stiletos whilst weeping like a woman. And the only reason he may have seemed like a “half-decent guy” on Newlyweds is because he’s paired with a fucking mental defect. Without Jessica around smarting him up, he’s just another over-feminized untalented douche bag.

    Reply
  39. mags | January 10, 2006 at 11:55 pm

    Well, no, I have no interest in Nick; but he might be more interesting in heels.

    Crying? Only if I’m in dom mode.

    Reply
  40. HollywoodSnark | December 12, 2006 at 11:14 am

    ew…well, I guess we’ve finally heard too much about their marriage http://hollywoodsnark.com

    Reply
  41. extra income | June 6, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    I hate that guy! He’s gay! that’s all.

    Reply

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