Despite what happened to his marriage with Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey is apparently still into the big breasted blondes.
“Hey Nick, I’m just the opposite of Jessica. I’m tall and flat-chested and brunette. How about it?!”
So said a slightly intoxicated young lady to not-so-suddenly-single Nick Lachey of Jessica Simpson fame. Mr. Lachey was visiting friends in San Fernando Valley, Calif., when the woman, besotted by the sight of Nick poking a log in an outdoor fire pit, crept up behind him, allowed herself an indiscreet caress of his perky derriere and made her announcement.
Nick, who either doesn’t care for the “opposite of Jessica” or doesn’t care to stray indiscriminately as his cash-laden divorce proceeds, declined and left the party.
Although I don’t see how anybody could resist such a spectacular pick up line as, “I’m tall and flat-chested and brunette.” It must have taken Nick all the will power in the world to not have stripped her naked right there and started making sweet sweet love to her. If that woman wants to guarantee she gets the guy next time, she should just go with the even more effective, “I’m fat and ugly and I like to collect human hair.”
For Nick Lachey, opposite doesn’t attract at Calif. party [Baltimore Sun]
Binky | December 27, 2005 at 1:34 am
I think it’s ok if Nick stays below the radar level of a stealth fighter or Lydia on Survivor for a long long long time. Or until there’s chickens from the sea… I think we all could deal with it.
Leslie | December 27, 2005 at 2:00 am
Yea, Nick, I hate you. Go away please.
Captain Awesome | December 27, 2005 at 3:21 am
He’ll find another worthless blonde soon enough guys.
tuesdayup | December 27, 2005 at 9:12 am
I didn’t know Paris Hilton dyed her hair brown!?
http://theobsessivemessenger.com
Populist | December 27, 2005 at 10:06 am
Apparently this woman hasn’t figured out that Jessica is as much a natural blond as Lucy Liu. And on behalf of the Fat, Ugly, Human Hair Collectors Club–sometimes words hurt, Mister.
xd | December 27, 2005 at 3:22 pm
Nick Lachey is kinda ugly and un-sexy.
And saying that flat-chested brunnette girls are unattractive just proves how little you know about women… of course there’s unattractive flat-chested brunnettes just as there’s mega hot flat-chested brunnettes and as there’s fugly as hell unattractive big-breasted blondes and mega hot big-bresated blondes. Just look at your oh-so-loved Jessica Alba (who I find so unnatractive as well), she’s a flat chested brunnette (when she’s not dyeing her hair lighter… she’s a brunnette half of the time and the other half she’s blonder).
superficielle | December 27, 2005 at 4:09 pm
jessica alba flatchested?
your boobs must be HUGE.
superficielle | December 27, 2005 at 5:59 pm
Jessica Alba is flatchested?
Wow. XD. You must have HUGE boobs.
hafaball | December 27, 2005 at 6:32 pm
The way it sounds i’m surprised she wasn’t naked when she walked up to him. and I really don;t know who should be more embarrassed. him or her. Really…I don’t…cause he just left her…and he’s a freakin has-been…and stuff…
sugarbullet | December 27, 2005 at 6:37 pm
hrm. i like nick lachey because he’s not a total moron, sure he’s not the brightest crayon in the box, but newlyweds wouldn’t have been half as funny as it was without seeing nick’s reaction to his retard wife. i think he’s attractive and more talented than jessica. jessica is just so boring and overrated to me, nick seems like he really worked hard to get to where he is, and like it or not, boy bands were a huge thing once upon a time, and jessica…well has she ever REALLY been known for anything besides being an full fledged idiot? she only got the virgin cutie tag after britney spears decided she didn’t need it anymore. and to think i used to be a huge jessica fan.
HollyJ | December 27, 2005 at 7:44 pm
She wanted to add to her Human Hair Collection by acquiring a springy long gray pube from Nick’s scrote. No doubt living with Jessica caused a few to go white.
batteryacidqueen | December 27, 2005 at 10:37 pm
I dont’ know about the “virin ” tag for Jess, seems like I heard her and Ricky Martin did it on tour a few years before she married Nick, whom I actually feel sorry for having to put up with her and her creepy family. The rumor was that she “lost” the promise ring her dad gave her on tour.. yeah..”lost it” on Ricky’s tour bus probably.
derekd | December 28, 2005 at 5:53 am
Why do people bust this poor guys balls? His career lasted as expected(Don’t blink) and he dealt with that wacky family(The Simpsons). He shoulda banged that crazy broad at the party. She musta been fugly or he already has that notch on his belt.
vengeanceangel | December 28, 2005 at 2:24 pm
I like Nick Lachey. He did some sweet things on Newlyweds even when his dumb wife kept doing stupid things.
I remember the anniversary episode where he did something amazing for her like take her to where they were married and she was all, “Duh?”
She’s an idiot. I hope she enjoys her stupid family while Nick is out meeting a decent woman.
xd | December 28, 2005 at 3:12 pm
I think Jessica Simpson is cute (unlike Jessica Alba), and god yeah J.A. is totally flat chested!!!! she’s a B cup!!
PostAcidYouth | December 28, 2005 at 4:55 pm
Jessica Alba isn’t flatchested. She’s about a C cup, which is perfectly average. And a B cup isn’t flatchested either. There’s a big difference between small breasted and being flat.
In any case, you can’t judge someone’s attractiveness on their breast size. I’d hit a flat chested brunette with a pretty face over a big bosomed blonde with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp any day.
xd | December 28, 2005 at 5:19 pm
Did you read what I said before?(comment #6)
And yes, she’s a B cup, she has said so (a 34B actually). And yes, I think her breasts are fucken FLAT and ugly, and she is fucking unattractive. Maybe your opinion on flat chest is different but for me she is flat chested. I’m really into hot as hell and beautiful women and she just makes me want to throw-up… she’s very unattractive. I agree she looked good on Sin City but that’s all, and it was only because the amazing stylist and Rober Rodriguez’s talent, any other girl picked for that role would have too.
stella | December 29, 2005 at 4:14 pm
B cup is average. AA is flat. There is a reason it’s referred to as “flat-chested” because it’s flat, you know like a board, not because it’s sort of small compared to mamoth D’s.
stella | December 29, 2005 at 4:16 pm
also, Jessica Alba is quite busty for being as skinny as she is. I’d like to know how many thin women you know with (real) jugs bigger than hers
hermanita | January 3, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Since when are Jessica Alba’s “jugs” real? O_o. they keep changing size. In some pictures they look like an A in others like a C. Pick one already! Maybe it’s just photoshopped, I don’t know.
But xd, you will NEVER find a real woman who’s skinny and has bigger boobs then that. If you want bigger then that, you’re gonna have to go for someone who looks like Britney. =S So I agree with stella.
thatoneguy2 | January 8, 2006 at 3:03 am
“I’m tall and flat-chested and brunette.”
actually, that pickup line alone has given me an uncontrollable erection. imagine if a girl actually said that to me.
SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer! | April 1, 2006 at 4:28 pm
Xd and Post AcidYouth again, YOU ROCK!!!
LOVE the alba comments, im a girl as well, and no jealousy or hatin here!
so so SO sorry im not on the slobba tross fishermen’s net.
but back to the issue at hand….K-Cav is an evil whore
Joy | January 13, 2010 at 6:50 pm
I don’t know why she annoys me so much, but obviously I am not alone:)
I think it’s because she is so damn self-conscious about getting older that she’s become fake. And, you can see right through that.
Anonymous | March 28, 2010 at 4:20 pm
why shouldn’t she talk about being sexually abused.
i was sexually abused and i find some of these remarks really horrible.
i think the more victims talk about abuse the more it will help other victims.
why the hell should be be quiet.