Nick Cannon, I hate you

May 9th, 2008 // 48 Comments

I get a ton, no, make that a space ton, of e-mails from publicists trying to get me to shill their client/wares. Well, this time around, one particular publicist knew how to push my buttons: By sending a pic of Nick Cannon with a Limited Edition Grand Theft Auto IV Xbox 360 System. Here’s the details from Chrystina at Edelman that illustrate why I’m tempted to hide behind Mariah’s oxygen bed chamber and attack Nick in his sleep:

Only 500 of the systems were made throughout the United States and Europe and Nick Cannon (along with Ice Cube and Pharrell Williams) was lucky enough to receive one. Yup, Mariah Carey’s new hubby is a gamer and Xbox 360 is system of choice.

Of course, if marrying Mariah Carey is what it takes to score such a sexy system, I’ll pass. I love video games more than I could ever love my own offspring (See? Suing me for child support won’t win my love, kids.), but marriage is a high price to pay. Unless they threw in a kegorator.

Special thanks to Chrystina. If I married you, how many of these could you get? Enough to build a life-size Xbox woman that would make me waffles after our inevitable divorce? If so, I’m already on my knee. That’s right. This hunk of romance is all yours, baby….

Photo: Edelman, Splash News

  1. She bought that for him so he could keep his fucking hands off of her.

  2. slut

    iwww slout

  3. woodhorse

    And this 360 is different from other 360s how?

  4. lulu

    i like her tube top suit dress

  5. restingonlaurels

    marketing ploy, not at all different. why do men find these things so addicting? i can’t get my guy to move because i can’t figure out how to coordinate the camera angle joy stick with the move-the-dude joy stick.

  6. mimi


    He’s alive.

  7. Andy

    #1 is right – Nick’s job is to admire her when she’s dressed to go out. No fucky-sucky, not even for fi mil dolla.

  8. Me again fuckfaces

    Who’s hand is she holding? Is she gettin’ a little on the side already?? Guys, that’s what happens when you sit in front of video games all day with your mouth hanging open..
    That, or we just don’t like you anymore..

  9. mimi

    To the Mimi posing as me, me.

    I spell mimi all lower case.

    Still praying for AMY and BRITNEY!

  10. Peed Pants

    Crazy ass Fish!

  11. Why do I even bother??

    I’m never coming on this site again!! (til I get to work)

  12. Me again fuckfaces

    whose. oops.

  13. tommy fuckin salami

    in the pic above doest she look more…………………nergo-ish standing next to him……………. he brings out the black in her……………..and thats nice

  14. Frist you always come when I’m on this site. Multiple times.

  15. bizmark

    Please listen to the message that I send, dont ever talk to a girl that says she just has a friend. (this has nothing to do with these two a-holes I was just listening to Biz)

  16. tp

    @13…you’re absolutly right!! I never noticed that before, you hit the nail on the head!!! You’re amazing.

  17. restingonlaurels

    mimi, MIMI, whoever, pray for the victims in Myanmar instead! especially those poor children. they’ll appreciate it more, i’m sure.

  18. mike

    16 quit wiping 13s ass

  19. janex

    ^tp for wiping asses. Very good mike. Extra love for your goat.

  20. ps3spokesman

    Wow he gets a special edition piece of plastic. I am sure that will be worth millions one day. NOT.

    ps xbox fucking sucks monkey nuts.

  21. Spazz

    Whats the over under on length of this marriage?
    I say in less than 5 months he is living in alone in a bachelor pad playing his ltd edition 360 by himself.

    At least he got the system AFTER the prenup – score!

  22. veggi

    So, n i g g e r s have a child’s mentality. This is news?

  23. restingonlaurels

    wow, what an ignorant comment.

  24. Auntie Kryst

    @22 Thank you. Finally someone addresses my other addiction besides alcohol, that’s gambling. I’ll take that action. I’m going with the over. I think they’ll make it more than five months, just barely..

    PS good morning Veggi troll #23, dumbfuck.

  25. restingonlaurels

    thank god the morning’s over – only 7 more hours til weekend freedom!!

    oh and 22 “- score!” LOL

  26. pistola

    that woman looks like an ape. that was not a racial comment. it’s just all the space between her nose and her mouth. oh, and the cheeks- those are ape-like, as well.

  27. veggi

    This story and my troll are about as amusing as an empty bottle of whiskey..

    Morning Auntie! I’ll get in on this bet. I think she’s banging the guy behind her already, so, I give it a lifetime of bliss!!

  28. ………………………………….WHO’S NOT?

  29. bootlips

    Is there anything more useless than so-called proud nigggger?

  30. AskandImighttell

    Anyone think this might have something to do with that Ashton Kutcher show that everyone was so skeptical about a few months ago.

    Look at this two together, WTF? How could that skinny little twerp have anything that woman would desire?


  31. Jeezy

    Who the fuck is this Nick Cannon guy? He’s 27, she’s 38!

    He just looks like a typical wannabe thug bitch…

  32. ldsqtbea

    love the outfit hate the shoes

  33. Lexoka

    What’s wrong with standing straight? Is the Xbox that heavy?

  34. need a ps3 bad


  35. T

    Love her dress!

  36. Wirehead26


  37. lili

    won’t last

  38. I do it for the drugs

    You guys sure are cynical. Don’t you think it’s at least possible these two got married because they love each other? Doesn’t anyone believe in the magic anymore?

    Ha. Just kidding. These two will be separated within a year. I predict a brutal divorce. And I can’t wait.

  39. Ari Turtletaub.

    Isn’t anybody else sick of seeing shaved apes like this all of the media?

  40. pizzydizzy

    Did anyone else notice the CLODHOPPERS on this woman? She may be skinny, but look at the size of her feet!

  41. N_ghater

    I am also sick of seeing shaved apes like this everywhere. “Rappers”, “actors”, “musicians”… a n i g is still a n i g :D

  42. Erica.

    I’m sorry for my ignorance, and N_ghaters.
    But shit. The stereotypical black person annoys the fuck out of me.
    And these two, wtf is Mariah anyways, are typical black folk.
    Except rich and not playin hoops with their guns out and ready.

  43. hahHHAHAHA

    sorry but he looks like his butler next to her

  44. hahHHAHAHA

    I meant to say HER butler.

  45. MD

    You racist pieces of shit are pretty brave hiding behind anonymously behind a computer screen. Get AIDS and die, you ignorant, jealous scumbags. You just can’t comment on a story, and leave it at that, can you? You make me want to puke.

  46. amburr<3

    wow she cant even open hold or close her umbrella talk about plastic and nick just ..well……

  47. amburr<3

    wow she cant even open hold or close her umbrella talk about plastic and nick just ..well……

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