James Franco knows how to give a speech

July 8th, 2009 // 27 Comments

- George Clooney and Bill Murray party together? If there was ever a time to be a stripper, it’s now, ladies. Ha, just kidding. It’s always time to be a stripper. Now who wants dollar bills? [Lainey Gossip]

- Elizabeth Taylor might have aided Michael Jackson’s prescription drug addictions. Probably by showing him her vagina and giving him chronic night terrors. So that’s how he turned white… [PopEater]

- Kevin Federline has gained 85 pounds since his divorce from Britney Spears and even she’s making fun of his weight which is almost hilarious if it weren’t immediate grounds for suicide. No, seriously, Kevin, I don’t care if you have to cover the gun in chocolate. It’s time. [Celebslam]

- Kiefer Sutherland once encouraged a friend to keep acting. By punching him in the face. I don’t care how much it costs, we need to get this man a tank, a missile silo full of Old Granddad and let him solve all the world’s problem. Preferably before he drives drunk off a bridge, so time’s a factor. [The Blemish]

- Cameron Diaz might be in that Green Hornet movie with Seth Rogen. Finally, a leading lady I can believe he has a chance with. With only half a bottle of roofies. [Just Jared]

- Mariah Carey apologizes for her performance at Michael Jackson’s memorial. Too late now, Mariah. The man will only die once. — Or will he? [ICYDK]

- Lindsay Lohan is going to be a celebrity judge on Project Runway? Okay, sure. Because when I think of fashion, I think of an anorexic coke addict who constantly wears black leggings. You can’t teach that kind of style. Without becoming an alcoholic at 15. True story. [PopSugar]


  1. uh

    You’re spot on about Lindsay Lohan, but you’re just wrong about Seth Rogen. Nice guys that are really funny are attractive. The reason that lots of fat guys get nothing is because on top of that, they’re lazy ass holes.

  2. mehr

    UCLA has a Robotics minor?
    why the fuck have i been wasting the last eleven semesters at Cal State Dominguez Hills???

    ….how did i not know about this?

  3. Dylan's harmonica

    Dude, you’re not funny anymore. I keep coming back for that little hope… but this settles it. Ciao.

  4. the lfet one

    Pity Mariah’s breats didn’t escape and make their own appearance at the MJ Shed A Tear show. She could of simply stood there ‘Tits Out’ and the world would be a better place, instead she had to open her mouth and let that dreadful sound come out. Surely there was some black gangsta out that back that could of feed her throat a length. She would look good in porn IMO.

    Anyways, Lindsay and fashion…. yes… there is an oxymoron. Freckles on a skeleton is hardly fashionable.

    And Ms Diaz… ditch the Green Hornet and come play with my Pink Hornet anytime you like.

  5. Holy shit, James Franco thinks he’s funny!

  6. anon

    oh my god. that speech that james franco gives has to be a joke. right? he can’t possibly be that stupid. or self-absorbed. or that much of a douche. someone reassure me here…

  7. jnjoblon

    Lol, I thought it was pretty funny… made me laugh.

  8. RedFantaGirl

    @ 6…child, of course it was a joke. Get with it!

  9. captain america

    ……………………HE WANTS TO BE A POLITICIAN, folks?

  10. veronica

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  11. What did I tell you guys before about Kiefer Sutherland?

    Fucking legend.

    Somebody make this guy a diplomat and send him to North Korea. Kim Jong Il wont be firing anymore missiles once he gets a punch to the face.

    And as long as Mariah Carey is apologising, can someone tell her to apologise for being a stupid, self-absorbed, attention-seeking little ho?

  12. Irony: IRONMANAustralia calling someone stupid when he can’t even spell “apologizing” correctly. Twice.

  13. This was so funny! The Elizabeth Taylor, Cameron Diaz and Mariah Carey jokes all made me laugh out loud, actually laugh out loud! So funny. Thanks for the endorphins.

  14. Rhialto

    All together it’s still a speech.Only the noise of applause is missing at the end.

  15. @12, (Yooarel):

    The real irony is that you’re an ignorant fuckwit who is oblivious to the widely-known fact that words are spelled differently in other countries.

    And in original English – from England, (that’s in Europe, where English comes from, in case you didn’t know retard) – the word, “apologise”, is spelled with an, “s”, not the overused, “z”, as in the American version.

    And if you think spelling something incorrectly twice is some kind of heinous crime, then how do you feel about a population that has now grown to 300 million spelling all manner of shit wrong for 400 years?

    Get your head out of your arse, (yes that’s how we spell it here), and stop thinking the world ends where your borders do.

    I bet even Mariah Carey would have noticed something so elementary while on tour, so I guess that makes you stupider than Glitter-girl. Dickhead.

  16. Chris

    James Franco needs to stop. I have yet to see him do something even mildly funny, yet he continues to make bad comedy’s and think people like and care about him

  17. ToRiMiLi

    LMAO!! I fuckin’ LOVE James Franco :)

  18. ToRiMiLi

    @ #16. Bad comedies?! Did you see Pineapple Express? OMG, I don’t even smoke weed and I laughed my ass off :)

  19. gotmilk?

    16, i care very much because he’s hot.

  20. Hilarious

    So fucking funny! The guy clearly doesn’t take himself seriously which is the funniest part. It’s why that whole group from Apatow is so good. They keep making fun of themselves and it’s on point.

  21. lmao@all of you

    Man this is classic funny stuff. Its stoner comedy.

    I do not expect any dicktard to get real humor these days. The fact is if you are some slow kid or over 35, this probably flew way over your head. Here I will clue you in so you do not feel so stupid anymore. Its called sarcasm.

    As I said before if you somehow did not find this funny then you are probably some dumb kid who knows nothing yet about stoner comedy or an old boring dude who’s most likely single and beats off constantly on a daily basis.

    The fact is that, this is the comedy of today. It is a different style but most and especially the hot ladies absolutely love this stuff.

    Keep hating the stoners. Fact is we love living a better life than you.

  22. Amazingly said. I agree totally seeing as I fit into the hot chic crowd. I love the all the pineapple guys stuff its great!

    The truth is this. He is a hot guy with a great sense of humor. I would never ever hang around people who did not respect this kind of comedy. What boring lives they must lead.

  23. LOL! Someone’s a sensitive Sally, haha. Way to overreact “mate”.

    P.S. Get with the rest of the world nitwit, where it’s spelled with a “z”, because it’s pronounced with a “z”. Unless you happen to say “ah-pawl-oh-jice” like a twat :)

  24. Watch out! I might “hypnotise” you with my correct spelling! :D

  25. Anon

    YooareI – are you retarded or 12?

  26. jojo

    omg he he is soo hawt !!! where are the men out there that look like this !!

  27. Man clearly does not take himself seriously the most fun part. The whole group so that Apatow is very good. They keep making fun of himself and it’s over.

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