James Franco knows how to give a speech

- George Clooney and Bill Murray party together? If there was ever a time to be a stripper, it’s now, ladies. Ha, just kidding. It’s always time to be a stripper. Now who wants dollar bills? [Lainey Gossip]

- Elizabeth Taylor might have aided Michael Jackson’s prescription drug addictions. Probably by showing him her vagina and giving him chronic night terrors. So that’s how he turned white… [PopEater]

- Kevin Federline has gained 85 pounds since his divorce from Britney Spears and even she’s making fun of his weight which is almost hilarious if it weren’t immediate grounds for suicide. No, seriously, Kevin, I don’t care if you have to cover the gun in chocolate. It’s time. [Celebslam]

- Kiefer Sutherland once encouraged a friend to keep acting. By punching him in the face. I don’t care how much it costs, we need to get this man a tank, a missile silo full of Old Granddad and let him solve all the world’s problem. Preferably before he drives drunk off a bridge, so time’s a factor. [The Blemish]

- Cameron Diaz might be in that Green Hornet movie with Seth Rogen. Finally, a leading lady I can believe he has a chance with. With only half a bottle of roofies. [Just Jared]

- Mariah Carey apologizes for her performance at Michael Jackson’s memorial. Too late now, Mariah. The man will only die once. — Or will he? [ICYDK]

- Lindsay Lohan is going to be a celebrity judge on Project Runway? Okay, sure. Because when I think of fashion, I think of an anorexic coke addict who constantly wears black leggings. You can’t teach that kind of style. Without becoming an alcoholic at 15. True story. [PopSugar]