Paris Hilton secretes dumb

- Paris Hilton wants Cristiano Ronaldo to be the David to her Victoria Beckham. If that involves her moving to Europe and immediately becoming irrelevant, where do I sign? [Celebslam]

- Madonna wants Gwyneth Paltrow to decorate Mercy’s nursery. I love how Madonna treats an Oscar-winning actress like a Mexican contractor that better stay under budget. Who knew sorcery could be freaking hilarious? [Lainey Gossip]

- Neil Patrick Harris wants a baby. Somewhere Carrie Prejean’s breasts just went off like klaxons on a battleship. [The Blemish]

- Padma Lakshmi should host things in my kitchen. And, if it makes her feel more comfortable, I have a video camera. Just sayin’. [I’m Not Obsessed]

- Lauren Conrad continues to admit The Hills is staged which now makes her boring and obvious. [PopSugar]

- Katie Holmes is seriously doing that reality dancing show. Remember when she was so hot you used to watch Dawson’s Creek reruns naked in your college dorm room while your roommate was at class? Uh, me neither. [Just Jared]

Photo: WENN