Adam Lambert shocks pretty much no one

- Adam Lambert is gay. If you didn’t know that, congratulations, you have a bright future in multiple cat ownership to look forward to. [Just Jared]

- Madonna is NOT adopting Mercy after all and false reports may have fucked the whole thing up. Unleash the Hydra! [Lainey Gossip]

- Mark-Paul Gosselaar just took his career out back and shot it in the head. [Pink is the New Blog]

- Kelly Clarkson is not a lesbian. She’s just shaped like one. [Celebslam]

- Scarlett Johansson debuts her duet with Pete Yorn. Unless the entire song consist of her describing the circumference of her breasts, PASS. [ICYDK]

- Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson might be engaged. Or Lindsay’s so malnourished she honestly believes they are. Who’s to say? [PopSugar]