Jessica Simpson almost pitied by Eminem

- Eminem debated whether to make fun of Jessica Simpson’s weight which proves he has a vagina. Science has spoken! [ICYDK]

- Kristin Cavallari is replacing Lauren Conrad on The Hills. Wait, I forgot my target demographic isn’t 15-year-old girls. Gotta stop doing that. [PopSugar]

- Gwyneth Paltrow posts her playlist on GOOP but mostly wants you to know she’s super besties with DJ AM and Samantha Ronson. You bow now, bitches! [Lainey Gossip]

- Katy Perry apparently turns back into a blow-up doll after midnight. I knew it! [Jezebel]

- Jonah Hill spoofs Spencer Pratt who tweets about how big of an erection it gave him. And that, children, is how unicorns are made. [Just Jared]