It’s Nazanin Boniadi, Tom Cruise’s Auditioned Girlfriend/Slave Lover Person. ‘Allegedly.’

September 5th, 2012 // 52 Comments
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If you’re wondering just what a Scientologist allegedly turned Tom Cruise‘s beard-slave looks like, here’s Nazanin Boniadi the woman reportedly pressured by the church to “audition” to be Tom’s girlfriend only to find herself unceremoniously dumped and forced to scrub toilets with a toothbrush whenever she’s not peddling copies of Dianetics on street corners. Because apparently at one point Xenu went, “Hey, you know who knows how to run a religion? Hare Krishnas. We should do that stuff. Also, I’m really into locking women in the engine rooms of slave-yachts now. It’s helped me with a lot issues. Mostly having to hear women talk, but let’s see some more of it. See where it goes.”

NOTE: Tom Cruise’s official statement on the Vanity Fair piece? “TL;DR.” No, really.

Photo: INFdaily


  1. USDA Prime McBeef

    It’s like people watched Star Wars and started believing in the Force so strongly that they will pay increasingly more money to see the shitty prequels.

  2. Joaquin ingles
  3. “Long and boring” does not matter. “False” does. Or at least it should.

    It’s kind of like OJ. The guy was and has been libeled as a murderer repeatedly on national television of years now, were he actually innocent. He badly needed money, but he never sued. Because, he knew the Discovery portion of the defense would lead to matters being brought to light which he wanted and needed buried. Same thing here with Cruise and Scientology. Truth is an absolute defense against Libel. His lawyer will posture and respond verbally, but never actually try and fight back because he knows what will come of it.

    • USDA Prime McBeef

      I”m sure the shredders at Co$ corporate headquarters are buzzing like the vibrator buried up TC’s ass.


      • Cruise is such a batshit hyper Napoleonic little ball of energy that it must absolutely kill him not to be able to fight back. He’s got limitless resources, and is being slandered and libeled every day, to greater and greater degrees.

        Except that its all true, and there isn’t a damn thing he can do in response without opening floodgates. His inability to respond actually proves the charges validity, ironically especially those most seemingly absurd. I’m not a lawyer; I don’t know: would all those confidentiality agreements be suddenly meaningless?

  4. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t that Paul Haggis next to Boniadi?

    • Jack Ketch


    • Meg

      Yes, and it’s Tom’s worst nightmare. If you get a chance, read Haggis’ interview/story in “The New Yorker,” it’s so interesting and also batshit crazy at the same time. This actress, Paul Haggis, Jason Beghe, and many other ex-Scientologists are really fighting back-should get interesting.

  5. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow! Suddenly I’d like to read those Scientology files about her sex life, particularly any portion on lesbian experimentation during her college years.

  6. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The crazy closeted gay man looked it over and said “Meh, I can get a better beard”.

    • I know, right? She’s gorgeous. What a dumbass, TC. You’d be happy, richer, and in full custody of the Scientology Miracle Child.

  7. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Ladies, can I get a reading on this bikini top please?

    • LeAnn Rimes

      She’s way too fat for that bikini! Oh, and hello from rehab everybody!

    • YoMamma

      I personally don’t like the top but I assume she’s wearing it to add volume to her non-existent boobs.

      And LeAnn, do you really think you should be on social media right now?

    • I suspect that it’s cuter when the lace overlays that are supposed to drape down aren’t blowing across her chest.

  8. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    This must be after she was audited. Wow. She’s looking rough.

  9. Jill

    Well I live near clearwater, which is where it was said she was sent to sell copies of dianetics. Obviously I have no idea if she was ever one of them, but there are a ton of scientologists that just walk around downtown clearwter all day in matching outfits (khakis pants, navy polo) with clipboards. Not sure what they’re doing/selling/trying to acheive, but this would have been the place they sent her.

  10. carl

    Cruise would never have been able to satisfy that.

    • Schmidtler

      are you sure? maybe this chick is really into wearing a fake moustache and a strap on, and delivering the goods to short dudes that cry through the entire act?

    • Cruise is only concerned with satisfying Mischavige or however the fuck you spell his name.

  11. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn!! I love Persian women.

  12. D-chi

    Once again, more confirmation that Scientology ruins lives and is run by crazies. Why do people continue to dispute this? (At least organized religions, whether or not you like them, have changed lives for the better. This is just a cult.)

  13. Mayor McCheese

    This is completely believable. The Co$ in known for abusing members that get out of line or want to leave . Google “Lisa McPherson” and “operation freakout” if you really want to see how Co$ is.

  14. Lola

    Beautiful girl. I don’t think Tommy girl would be with someone prettier than he is tho.

  15. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s beautiful. Tom is an asshole.

  16. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Exit Only Out the Rear
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone get this pasty bitch a chador!

  17. El Jefe

    I like her a lot. I would be more than happy to audition her for…well I will figure it out when she gets here.

  18. Juju

    Dammit! I keep reading her name as “Nazi Bondage”…

  19. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    She plainly needs bigger eyebrows.

  20. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Yama-hama … she’s a two-face!!!

  21. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Bring me the head of John McEnroe! And a chick wearing 2 tank tops.

  22. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Take the chador and shove it up your ass you “exit only” fucking idiot.

    • Jessica

      Shoving things up your ass is something I’m sure you are very experienced with.

      • Nicks

        Very unique and witty response hun. Way to stick up for a guy’s misogynist comment. You make woman proud.

      • Jess

        Eat shit “hun”.

      • Exit Only Out the Rear

        Not a guy, you douche. In case you haven’t noticed, this site is full of satire. Way to assume the worst of the other gender without having all the facts, you-want-to-be, high brow, ASS!

  23. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Johnny Lockheart
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d put my penis in her vagina.

  24. Burt

    Not as good looking as my wife, but, eh, he’s getting long in the tooth and he clearly has issues.

  25. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Put It In
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s like that girl that Jerry dates Jerry’s who keeps changing with different environments. Ugly in one pic, pretty in another.

  26. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s posing in front of a couple having sex in the water? Really?

  27. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Persian girls are hot.

  28. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    She has a nice waist-to-hip ratio, but she just doesn’t have much meat on her. She looks tired, hungry, etc., but still bang-able.

  29. mfer

    OK if this chick really dated Tom then where are the pics? Sorry no way she could have dated him without the media being up their you-know-whats. And Paul Haggis has such a hate-on for Scientology that of course he’d back up this story, there are pics of them together so I just look at this and go hmmm?
    I find it quite a stretch since it’s well known who all he has dated. No way can anyone keep who they’re dating in Hollywood, especially NOT Tom Cruise. And while Nazanin is not a hugely known actress she and her own agents would have made sure there were existing pics of the two of them together to help get her own film career rolling. That’s just the way it is in Hollywood.

  30. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    unbelievable! I’m in love

  31. Nazanin Boniadi Tom Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Who’s the homeless guy?

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