If you’re wondering just what a Scientologist allegedly turned Tom Cruise‘s beard-slave looks like, here’s Nazanin Boniadi the woman reportedly pressured by the church to “audition” to be Tom’s girlfriend only to find herself unceremoniously dumped and forced to scrub toilets with a toothbrush whenever she’s not peddling copies of Dianetics on street corners. Because apparently at one point Xenu went, “Hey, you know who knows how to run a religion? Hare Krishnas. We should do that stuff. Also, I’m really into locking women in the engine rooms of slave-yachts now. It’s helped me with a lot issues. Mostly having to hear women talk, but let’s see some more of it. See where it goes.”
NOTE: Tom Cruise’s official statement on the Vanity Fair piece? “TL;DR.” No, really.