Natasha Lyonne is a wanted woman

January 30th, 2006 // 47 Comments

nlyonne-warrant.jpgAccording to the New York Post, Natasha Lyonne has another warrant out for her arrest after she failed to appear at a court date last Friday.

Lyonne is facing a number of charges, including her alleged threat to sexually molest her former neighbor’s dog during a 2004 altercation. She is also charged with criminal mischief, harassment and trespassing.

I can’t say for sure, but I’m fairly certain that Natasha Lyonne is the first celebrity to ever face charges for threatening to sexually molest a dog. I’m all for zany antics, but you’ve got to be seriously messed up in the brain to come up with a threat like that. “Turn down your damn music or I’m going to start fondling your dog’s penis!” If I was the neighbor I wouldn’t be angry, I’d just be confused.



  1. No, that makes sense. After all, what better way to threaten you neighbor that by directing your sexual energy on his pets.

    ‘Keep the music down, or I’ll flick my tongue over your dog’s balls!’

    No, that doesn’t make sense.

  2. HollyJ

    She’s really pretty, so hopefully she can sexually molest a AKC Champion dog’s balls…or vulva…whatever….

  3. JTTenuf4Me

    Sorry, but am I the only one who doesn’t have a clue who this person is?

  4. I bet Paris is furious. Here she was, trying to be shocking and highly sexual ‘n’ stuff, and this more or less wholesome-looking non-heiress ups the ante with frickin’ dog-sex.

    Can you imagine the merchandise? The “I fucked Lassie” – shirts, the “accidentally” leaked intimate video, the “That’s not doggy-style. *This* is doggy-style” trucker caps.

    Let me guess, next up Lindsay Lohan molests entire retirement villages.

  5. HollyJ

    Don’t diss! Seriously?! She’s really pretty.

    Any bichon frise would be PROUD to call her bitch.

  6. rachel

    JTTenuf4Me -

    She was in the first two American Pie movies

  7. BurnZ

    This dumb bitch probably only did this so that she could get into the headlines because the crazyness of the crime is the most interesting part. Nobody cares about this never-popular actress.

  8. aura

    Comment #7, are you serious? This chick has lost her mind. She’s a strung out junkie who was hospitalized recently and now she just wanders around the streets of NYC with sores all over face looking like walking death. As ridiculously demented as this crime is, it’s more than likely the ravings of a crackhead lunatic, not an attempt to “get into the headlines”. Besides, this story is old news. It was in the New York Post months ago.

  9. Zapp Brannigan

    This is further evidence that the only good thing to come out of the American Pie movies was Alyson Hannigan.

  10. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls


    Your freakin right, I knew this sounded familiar, I saw this chikcs mugshot about 3 months ago…
    Come on Superficial, you guys have been such a let down for like 6 months now… keep up with this shit…

    At least you could have posted the heinous mugshot.. its freakin hilarious…

  11. DannyJames

    natasha lyonne looked ok at one point, but the last time i saw a pic of her it looked like the hepatitis had taken its toll. But i love her anyway, shes fuckin nuts.

  12. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls

    Go to to check out the mugshot.

  13. Evangelia

    I can’t believe everyone is writing how pretty she is…she is fugs, you blindos! Not to mention annoying as hell. She’s bugged me ever since slums of beverly hells…hills

  14. Evangelia

    I can’t believe everyone is writing how pretty she is…she is fugs, you blindos! Not to mention annoying as hell. She’s bugged me ever since slums of beverly hells…hills

  15. Michelle

    Okay, I always thought that Natasha Lyonne was cool, based on the roles that she chose(American Pie aside, of course.) But to threaten to rape your neighbors dog? Now I think that she is awesome. I’ll bet that her neighbor has a huge stick up her ass and Natasha was just trying to shut her up.

  16. urheartshapedbox

    Do you guys actually take that seriously? I mean she probably just has a sense of humor and wasn’t exactly planning to get arrested. Her neighbors probably just some 80 year old asshole who chases kids off his lawn with a burning stick and kills cats for trespassing.

  17. gossipmonger

    Her mugshot from The Smoking Gun….

  18. gossipmonger

    Funny little sidenote.. after posting the Smoking Gun link, I realised someone else had submitted a link above. But when you go to THAT link( the pic is found in a nasty ranting about Superficial… What I found even funnier is that according to that writer, Superficial sucks, blah blah.. yet you look and NOT ONE of their stories has had a comment.. NOT ONE.. Gee, real popular website huh? I for one LOVE Superficial, and whiners like that obviously have nothing better to do (since they have few site visitors and all)

  19. rick mcginnis

    My neighbours were playing this Sheryl Crowe record over and over, really loud.

    I threatened to felch their Shih Tzu.

    They moved away.

    I say she’s a pretty smart cookie.

  20. playahater101

    You guys never heard this crazy story? I heard it a few times. I guess she rented an apt from another actor (I forget who) who owns this building, but lives in NY. He kept getting phone calls from these 2 girls who lived next door to Natasha and said that she was partying nonstop, night and day and being super loud. After a while he was finally able to get her out and when he went in to clean up the apt to rerent it out, the place was a mess. Rotting food in the kitchen, drug paraphanalia everywhere, he said that people had been pissing and shitting all over the apt. The toilet was clogged and people had instead shit and piss in the tub. He said it took him 3 days to clean it. I believe he just replaced everything in the bathroom. This guy was on the Howard Stern show one morning after her first warrant for threatening the dog was issued. He said she was super messed up on drugs.

  21. Can we find out what kind of dog it was? That could make a huge difference in just how deranged this freak really is.

  22. hafaball

    I’d get it on tape! Then sell it for a lot of money :D I’m sure E! or some other stupid channel would love a sort of celeb molesting a dog lol

  23. Justin Cider

    Last I heard, she was on her death-bed dying from some STD and drug addiction.. I’m not lying.

  24. ESQ

    Yeah, the worst I seen where I live is my one neighbor throwing the other neighbor’s dog shit at them telling them to clean it up off of his lawn. The guy that threw the shit died in his driveway shortly afterwards. The other neighbor just moved.

    Funny, there was no mention about molesting the dog if the dog shits on his lawn again.

  25. inspector11

    I don’t know about threatening to molest a dog, but certainly some celebrities have implied doing it. Your Honor, I present exhibit A:

    David Gest: “I loved her (Liza Minelli) fully and unconditionally.”

  26. don't hassel the hoff

    The actor who rented her the apartment is Michael Rapaport. Apparently she is addicted to heroin and has Hep C.

  27. Lynette Carrington

    SOOO sad. After reading the most recent stuff on her, she is apparently homeless and wandering the streets, addicted to heroin. Hopefully, somebody gets her in to rehab before she winds up as another Hollywood drug statistic. IMO, the dog thing was a neighbor trying to catch his 15 minutes attached to Lyonne’s name. Very sad. For both people. And the dog.

  28. playahater101

    Thank you #26!! That was gonna bother me all day. That’s really sad that she’s so messed up. And threatening people’s dogs. I think after all I heard about her the least of her problems is the dog thing.

  29. Tracy

    So now when I tell my kids to “just say no to drugs” I can use this sad tale (and accompanying pics) as an example. Actually, I think she was pretty cute and was memorable in the American Pie films. She could have had a nice career. It’s a shame.

  30. megana

    Most importantly, the actor was Mike Rappaport (or one of those types), and with perfect spineless shitnut grace, he whined his story to JANE magazine (you know, the one that only costs a peso?) and they, being the journalists of caliber that they are, let it run in all of its split infinitive glory.

    But the good news is, it’s only months before Robert Downey Jr. gets divorced again, picks up the needle and boards a greyhound for nyc, where he and Natasha will embrace before nodding off together in an Urban Outfitters dressing room, only to be discovered by an Olson twin, who will in turn be shocked enough to spill her latte.

  31. PapaHotNuts

    The dog should sue Natasha for slander just because he was included in the same breath as her. Imagine just being an innocent canine, licking your balls and humping the throw pillows on the couch. Next thing you know, The Superficial starts spreading rumors that Natasha Lyonne fucked you. There goes any street cred that dog had. You think heartworms are bad? Heartworms wouldn’t go near her coot.

  32. Kelly

    Poor girl. I really liked in her in “But I am a cheerleader.” Unlike most T&A actress, she can actually act.. .

  33. Aine

    I love that people are saying this is old news. She missed a court date *last week* and a judge issued an arrest warrant. This is an update to the original story, not a post that is months behind other sources.

  34. I am a horrible person for finding amusement in watching her downward spiral.

  35. Kitchy

    (sound of crickets…)

  36. Whatup

    Next thing you know she will be having sex with Paris’s dog or maybe a threesome with Paris and a monkey!

  37. DEVO

    I must review the unabridged script of “Reefer Madness” to make sense of any of this.

    Boogie, fetch my pipe and slippers, and get me Hoyt Curtain on the phone, stat!

    Never leaves a gap
    Always pays on time
    Always fits the bill
    He comes well-prepared

  38. Hohlraum

    Got a buddy who coined the phrase ‘If you don’t , I’ll fist your pets!!’ Feel free to use it in everyday conversation. I’ll see you in hell. -Hohlraum.

  39. ESQ

    PapaHotNuts, are heartworms in now?

  40. HughJorganthethird

    Yet another fine example of why all the lightwieghts out there should leave the hard drugs to us professionals.

    Next time don’t threaten Natasha, just do.

  41. sexydarin

    Upped the ante?!? She went all in and won the pot. Madonna? Paris? Lydsay? Amateurs!

  42. Ooooo, maybe she will be the new person for my favorite downward spiral.

    The last I heard she was seen wandering the streets of NYC outside Filene’s basement and that she had a wicked case of Cracne. Oh, and as for the link that takes you to a blog that bitches about “The Superficial” that was idiodic. I have a blog, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking that this blog kicks ass!

  43. starphunk

    okay. this is such an old story and your version isn’t even right. it appeared in jane over a year ago – not that she is wanted but the allegations. her former roommate/landlord wrote it. he hated her – she went crazy. she’s a druggie. the neighbors hated her – she was drunk or fucked up all the time. her place was a mess. they wanted her out. she wouldn’t leave. she threatened them because they wanted her gone. now – don’t take this as me not liking her because i would be her best friend in a second. we would smoke crack 23/7 and shit the other hour.

  44. suzyphil73

    Don’t you think the molesting thing could have went a little something like this: “If you don’t keep your barking, biting f*ing dog out of my yard (steps, patio whatever) I’m going to shove a (insert object here) straight up his ass!” Wouldn’t that make just a TINY bit more sense than the weirdness of threatening to really molest an animal? Heroin or not, still shouldn’t make you want an animal. I think the charge itself however is a RIOT and you all have posted some seriously funny stuff, #4 was hilarious.

  45. Kalypso1888

    you people are all just hating. she is a wonderfully incredibly talented actress and very good looking (not now coz’ if the herion but she has inner beauty). so what if shes a junkie every one slips and falls sometimes, its ones own mistake to make; its sad that no one is helping her so instead of bashing Natasha why don’t you people go out and look for her so she can get arrested and be sent to court ordered rehad so she can come out clean and go back to making wonderful movies!

  46. wow, how do you even do something like that….or do i want to even know?

  47. Man id pay my life savings to have her molest me.
    I wish I was that dog.
    This girl has been a junkie and has hep C and lived on the streets prolly smoking huge poles for cash…….ended up in intensive care in 2005 with a heart infection and colapsed lung…..yet there aint even a pic of her boobs…..or a glint of her butt anywhere on the net now how sad is that……..even sadder than the dog molestation threats.
    See what happens to you when you hang out with and get porked by edward furlong………… you end up a junkie STAY AWAY FROM THE LITTLE TERMINATOR KID JOHN CONNER HES BAD LUCK.
    Oh yeh by the way shes better now, not homeless, and filming a movie in NY lol

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