Natalie Portman wears loose dresses

May 4th, 2007 // 84 Comments

Natalie Portman showed up to the lower Manhattan Cultural Center’s annual “Downtown Dinner” looking lovely as hell, but with two Band-Aids on her arm and dressed in a trash bag. And I have no idea how her breasts are staying in there. It looks like her dress would fall off if somebody walked too close and sneezed. And by sneezed I mean pretended to sneeze, but then grabbed her dress with both hands and yanked. Ahh, subtlety.

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  1. Danner

    She’s still a good looking lady!

  2. whoneedsenemies

    Nice garbage sack….

  3. BarbadoSlim

    “And I have no idea how her breasts are staying in there”

    Simple, young human males don’t have breasts.

  4. gas_up_the_hrududu

    Hefty, Hefty, Hefty!
    Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy!

  5. Bjork was wearing a better dress at this function…..ouch!

  6. p0nk

    ho-hum, another 12yo boy wearing a potato sack. c’mon fish give us the scoop on paris hilton’s court deciscion… is she really going to do 45 days in the county pen?

    because this crap you’ve been posting is funny, and by funny, i mean not funny at all.

  7. Donkey

    That’s almost worth looking at… except it’s not.

  8. p0nk

    oh and now that i’ve mentioned “12 yo boys”, wally, you can commence trolling me now. it’s your cue, don’t disappoint me now.

  9. Well, she looks purty. Bitch even looks cute in a trash bag.

  10. Who is this infamous “wally” that I hear so much about?

  11. Absolutely flawless.

  12. mia

    Her face is really pretty. And she is smart. Her movies are great. But what is wrong with her body? Why is there bones where it should be curves and why is there muscles where it should be breasts?
    And why, oh why is there a 12 years old boy where it should be a 25 years old woman?

  13. Donkey

    Is she supposed to be the modern version of the Statue of Liberty?

  14. mia

    So many question. Natalie makes us think.

  15. Jimbo ?

    The Superfish has no idea how her breast are staying in there??? What breast? Her belly button sticks out more than her breasts. I think the superfish has been sniffing some glue or something.

    Oh yeah, nice trash bag. Is that the new line from Hefty?

  16. lambman


    The woman is perfect

  17. mia

    Look at her in The professional (leon) in 1994 and tell me which difference you see. Probably the makeup.

  18. She’s loverly. Big boobs are gross anyway … right? Hello?

  19. mia

    There is a huuuge difference between big boobs and NO boobs. Perhaps just having boobs would be better than this…

  20. I’d rip it off…probably not pretend to sneeze, instead just walk up to her, say “LOOK!” and when she turns her head just grab it, yank it, snap a polaroid and run like hell.

  21. mia

    Big boobs could be gross. On boys.

  22. CHA

    what is it with these trash bags lately? who finds them attractive? and you are all right (#18, 16, 13, 3)–her breasts aren’t falling out of the trash bag because theyre the size of mosquito bites and don’t ‘fall’ anywhere.

    but natalie–i think you’re a fabulous actress. despite the trash bag.

  23. Jimbo ?

    @20 I agree. They don’t have to be Pam Anderson size but something a little bigger than a 12 year old boy has would be nice. I am sure she can afford to buy a pair.

    @19 NO!!!

  24. #23 i thought they weren’t falling out because the bag was just so durable and strong. my mistake

  25. Poor Natalie. Some chicas aren’t as blessed in the boobie area. Not me, though, I’m blessed. Not too blessed, mind you. True dat.

  26. amaritimer

    Holy fuck I had a good chuckle at #6! :D

  27. I was kidding #24. Although, there may be some truth to my statement.

  28. Pikachelsea

    That’s one ugly trash bag, and it looks like she went light on the make-up. She looks pretty plain. Although I guess there are few people who can pull off the “derelicte” look.

    Anyway, I’m sick of Natalie Portman and her huge mouth.

  29. well, boobs or no boobs, we still can tell if she’s a girl. I’m still questioning Paris and Mary-Kate’s actual species.

    #26, i second that. LOL

  30. Her eyebrows are a little wacky, eh?

  31. mia

    Maybe she could just grow some boobs. Eating is a good way. She would grow an ass at the same time…

  32. BarbadoSlim

    @23, her merits as an actress are beyond reproach (except for that star wars tragedy, boy do you suck Lucas).

    All that aside, she had the Lolita thing going on in The Professional, but now, it’s as if she stalled somewhere in her physical development. Maybe she should get some D-cups in there. Yeah, every thing’s better with giant cartoon tits.

  33. Jimbo ?

    @28 – Yes they can be to big. But that does not happen to often. Does you myspace page show how blessed you are?

  34. CHA

    #25 yeah, sure, you’d be right if that was a high-quality Hefty, with it’s shiny exterior and increased static cling know…superior ‘containing’ of trash…or something…but she’s clearly wearing a generic trash bag. CVS brand, maybe.

  35. bungoone

    13, if you’re going to rant like that, at least make it readable & use proper english. thanks!

  36. N@ughty

    #31 a LITTLE wacky? she looks confused

  37. 15PiecesOfFlare

    It’s hard to find decent fitting dresses when you’re short. At least she got the proportion right, even if one wants to quibble about the fabric. Usually she wears too-long things made for glamazons, which ends up looking like the dress is eating her alive.

  38. mia

    Sorry, i’m not an english speaker and i’m not bilingual.

  39. @34 Not so much. My has-been probably wouldn’t approve. Maybe I’ll put some up *just* for you.

  40. Superfish

    #35 dude, plastic wrap could hold those things in place. yea, ur right. she’s flat

  41. 3 minutes and I’m done for the weekend. Wee-woo!

  42. If I were her, I would totally pluck those scraggly eyebrow hairs on the inner side of her brows. Did that sentence make sense?

  43. FRIST!!!

    Typekey sucks ass

  44. Plastic wrap Superfish? i was thinking more like i dunno…a candy wrapper.

    There’s been alot of bag-wearing come to think of it. those things are fucked! what happened to plain spaghetti straps and REGULAR heels? can we PLEASE throw the bags in the trash?

  45. N@ughty

    #43 um…i’ll get back to you on that…but why not just shave them off and buy her new ones?

  46. mia

    Its the fucking 80s fashion comeback.

  47. Dan

    holy shit, i’m seriously masturbating with one hand as i’m typing this with the other one.

  48. mia

    She should shave them off. Then they will regrow stronger and her eyebrows will look like porcupines. Porcupines are cute…

  49. mia

    Then your real name must be danielle, and your a girl. Cause this woman is a man.

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