Natalie Portman is tiny

February 1st, 2006 // 114 Comments

I’ve never understood why so many people find Natalie Portman so attractive. She looks like an eight-year-old boy, which means these people are pedophiles. “Well,” they’ll say, “Natalie’s not that sexy. She’s no Dakota Fanning, that’s for sure. That bitch is hot.” Natalie’s not a girl you have sex with; she’s a girl you sit in front of the tv with a stack of Powerpuff Girls DVDs and hope she doesn’t cry at the scary parts.

Thanks to Gracie for the tip.


  1. PKClover

    I don’t care about her looks. My question is, why is she shuffeling about in a housecoat?

  2. HollyJ

    (50)Wordhole – I know you’re completely obsessed with me, but as I told you in the OTHER commentary where you were stalking me, I’m happily married…to a JEW. Freak. Methinks someone should up their meds…

  3. wherescharlie

    MortyFishbein -

    Your ravings about tall vs. short, and everyone else debating this “issue,” are stupid. You are either hot or you’re not. Short or tall – doesn’t matter.

    You quote someone who said: “stumpy people do not and have not equated hotness.”

    …Okay, tell that to Eva Longoria, Jessica Simpson, Drew Barrymore, Selma Blair, Shakira…)

    Fact is – you’re either hot or your not. I’m assuming you are very tall and unattractive to have written that.

  4. I like Natalie. I hate Jessica Simpson. I used to like Drew Barrymore. I like Keira Knightley. I’m starting to like Scarlet Johanson. (ScarJo)

    Still, I like Natalie. Maybe not a lot of the movies she’s in, but I like her.

  5. akahuge

    I thought she was so hot in “The Professional”. Ok Ok, I know I’m sick in the head for saying it..

  6. A Nobody

    Hellow? Queen Padm

  7. megatron

    Natalie is hot. But not when she looks like a boy. Let’s wait until her hair grows back. In the meantime, I suggest that you check out her Zimbabwean doppelganger, Mercedes Baxter, from synthpop group Ramsey-Baxter. She’s very cute!

  8. Vicster

    She’s loovely! Totally the kind of girl you’d fall for…but I guess you can’t expect someone who writes for a site called ‘’ to understand this concept! Poor bitter, superficial screwballs!

  9. catechetical

    Why the heck are sooo many people obsessed with Natalie Portman??! I don’t understand. She’s a girl, she’s just a human. People worship her. Nobody knows much about her at all. She’s an actress, she’s works at playing *roles*. So, people interview her, big deal. Almost ANY ordinary person can be made to look that glamorous when you professionally make up their body, clothes, lighting, etc. And anyone can be alluring when all you know about them are alluring things and interesting quotes.

  10. catechetical

    And if you don’t think she wears a pound of make-up… You can just go on thinking EVERYthing in movies/premieres/shows/etc. is realistic, and see how far that gets you.

  11. Atamze

    natalie portman isn’t tiny, she’s 5″3. tiny is 5″0 and under. but i assume some people prefer giants. and yeah, she kinda had to shave her head for a movie called “v for vendetta”, that should explain why she, “looks” like an 8 year old boy. she graduated from harvard university with honours with a degree in psychology, can speak 5 languages, has actively participated in worthy causes, is a research assistant, is a well sought-after actress and some of you have pathetically resorted to criticizing her on her shaven head! have u guys nothing better to do? why don’t u go reevaluate your own stupid lives! as if you are better than she is.

  12. rach06

    She shaved her head for “V For Vendetta”, and it takes quite a while for hair to grow out HEALTHY, and by the way hers is looking, that is probably what she’s trying for…probably gets a trim every 4 weeks to minimize split ends, and she doesn’t seem like the type who’d go for really dramatic extensions. So, in reply to the “she’s bi, gay, or lesbian” comments, I’d say she just has a really knowledgable hairdresser, is naturally thin, and doesn’t like the current fashion trends (I don’t either, and I am happily married to a very masculine man). The girl next to her looks about 5’6″ and is wearing heels. You also have to account for the angle of the camera and the lighting in the photo. The shadows, angle, and people next to her make her appear even more petite than she naturally is. I agree that she could be wearing a little feminine makeup, maybe some red lipstick, longer eyelashes, and a brow reshaping,along with a much heavier concealer, but she may just be giving her skin a break. All the constant plucking, dying, injecting, and caking on of makeup must get pretty tiring for celebs, she probably just needed a day off. I agree with Atamze, people can’t look perfect ALL of the time. And about the height-I am 5’0″ and have ALWAYS been told that short girls are extremely hot…not to mention I once dated a 6’4″ guy and could give him blowjobs with both of us standing up. Needless to say, us short chicks are the ones without ugly rugburns on our knees!

  13. LudivineKla

    shes naturally bright nd naturally beautiful. she has perfect facial proportions like Keira Knightly. so wot if shes short Kylie’s shorter nd every1s obsessed wit her bod. this is a bad picture of her, kinda like she wnt out of her way 2 wrk the hobo boy look but she stll lks pretty. her face is way betta thn Scarlett j’s (jade goody lookalike) and Jennifer L H the horse

  14. i love Natalie!
    She is NOT like every american “hot” girl.
    that’s why she sooooooo good looking.

Leave A Comment