Natalie Portman is sort of not really nude

March 21st, 2007 // 36 Comments

You’d think Natalie Portman naked and crying would be a little more entertaining than this, but you’d be wrong. You’d be so wrong. Especially if you thought ‘naked’ meant juggling chainsaws like I did. C’mon, woman, you call that juggling? I’ve seen better juggling at the platypus! I really need to learn what words mean.

Click the image for Natalie Portman’s slightly NSFW nude scene from Goya’s Ghosts.


  1. veggi


  2. veggi

    oh, and FRIST! That was for you FRIST!

  3. jakebarnes

    Yeah she needs to get on the Britney/Lohan trolley, mostly because people actually would like to see her naked.

  4. ponk

    i read this blurb twice and I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. Is this a superficial post or an ad?

  5. YouRang

    Disappointing. That plain fucking sucked. I got the lotion and tissues out for nothing. Fuck you fish. Liar!

  6. Spock's Left Nut

    Where was the torture? I was promised torture.

  7. BarbadoSlim

    “I’ve seen better juggling at the platypus! I really need to learn what words mean.” WTF!?!?!


    I would enjoy looking at Natalie naked but I’m pretty sure looking at naked pictures of 12 year old boys over the internet is a federal rap.

  8. veggi

    where’s my man?

  9. I have such a girl-crush on her.

  10. danielle

    What these kind of people will do for green paper. So sad.

  11. PatreeseD

    Um… Okay. Why didn’t we get to see what happened after he started grabbing her like that? I want some rape and torture, damnit!
    Oh, by the way, where was his mask? I thought that movie with her being tortured that dude had a mask on. Now, THAT is scary.

  12. DrPhowstus

    I suddenly have a hankering for some ribs.

  13. Let’s see some cooch.

  14. imran karim

    that was lame. esp if it was a body double in the end

  15. jrzmommy

    I’m just…I….I really just don’t care about her.

  16. veggi

    why must we be forced to look at these hobbits? Pile Eva L., Nat, and the charmed chick on top of each other, and they’d be 5’8″.

  17. Bugman4045

    I prefer her semi nude scenes in “The Professional”

  18. sdserf

    Man.. I read this headline, got up and walked all the way the drug store to pick up some lube and tissue. Got home, hooked up my computer to the living-room LCD, sat down and pressed play. I felt a little flutter in my grotchable area but nothing, absolutely nothing. And the worst part is the drug store will not give me a refund now.

  19. She is gorgeous. Too bad you don’t see more. We will just have to wait for her career to tank and she will show it all. They always do.

  20. She is gorgeous. Too bad you don’t see more. We will just have to wait for her career to tank and she will show it all. They always do.

  21. p911gt10c

    Meh, I’ve already seen pics of her topless on a beach from a couple of years back, I’m good. This was just dull.

  22. wedgeone

    Looks like AntiClown Media officially hired DamYell to write their unfunny diatribe. Pathetic.
    Oh, and so was this “nude scene”.

  23. combustion8

    nuthin wrong with a little side ass, I’d hit it till the cows came home.

  24. kristynn

    she could be spread eagle and touching herself and it wouldn’t matter with that hair…

  25. woodhorse

    Pay attention Wally!! I would so hit it!! I would do anything she wanted me to. And the bitch knows it.

  26. ^Jenna^

    I see more nudity getting dressed to go to college every day.
    Completely separate point: Is she getting molested (well, slightly touched more like) by a priest?
    I knew Catholic priests were into boys, but this scene just gives it a whole new meaning

  27. Truthseeker013

    I’m not hearing hate from the Star Wars set…

  28. Rascalnikov

    She’s a crap actress. This is like the poorly-played tortured victim routine she did in V For Vendetta. She was crap in that too. Don’t even get me started about how bad she was in the Star Wars flicks.

  29. mika85

    17: she was actually 10-12 years old then i think. pedophile much? sick nasty fucker…

    she still looks 10-12 in this clip.

  30. chundadownunda

    I guess false advertising is acceptable in the viral promotion of a film…’nude’ will always get punters in for a peak. Without this innuendo sites like the Superficial would ignore it. Close up of pictures by Goya anyone? Nah don’t think that will sell it… It hasn’t a ghost of a chance…ghost get it..oh never mind. Next!

  31. Ithrowball,youleave

    Check out the links to the other scenes. The scene where they’ve got her arms pulled up behind her and she’s hanging by them from the ceiling made my toes curl. OUCH!

  32. woodhorse

    None of you sadly unenlightened have seen Natalie in “Closer” which is a totally HAWT movie and Natalie can act her ass off – and literally does – Keira is only a Natalie wannabe….

  33. Pikachelsea

    This is considered entertainment?

  34. herbiefrog

    she is a “great” actor
    …or actress : )

    and you dont need to see her naked

    …are we nearly there yet ?

  35. jon

    um…it’s a body double retards. she didnt actually get nude for this shit flick

  36. I like…so beautiful and sexy,good!

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