A nice palette-cleansing story to wash the horrible taste of underage molestation, Steve-O’s heart-shaped groin, chunky Britney pics, and Hasselhoff beatings out of your mouth: Ms. Natalie Portman, fresh off her summer as a Sinead O’Conner impersonator, stepped into a Columbia University classroom on Monday as a stand-in professor for the day.
The cynic in me immediately dismisses this as a publicity-stunt-disguised-as-a-nice-gesture to get her new movie V for Vendetta in the news, kind of like when Angelina Jolie adopts a bunch of kids right before her movies open. On the other hand, it is Natalie Portman, fluent in five languages, degree from Harvard, and perfect in every way. My gut is telling me to go with the latter. As is my penis.
happy_bunny | March 8, 2006 at 6:32 pm
So that’s why Jon Stewart’s always saying how she makes him feel stupid whenever she guests on TDS.
playahater101 | March 8, 2006 at 6:35 pm
She’s doing this for some MTV show where they put celebs into classrooms. I had no idea she was so smart. Good for her.
Binky | March 8, 2006 at 6:44 pm
(the course was Star Wars Mythology 101)
Grphdesi23 | March 8, 2006 at 6:54 pm
In a bid for the Nobel Peace Prize, Natalie had this to say:
- “My immediate reaction is that torture is wrong.”
- “I don’t think it’s right to take down the Twin Towers.”
- “Censorship is bad.”
Thank GOD for that Harvard education. She should be giving her acceptance speech real soon.
Grphdesi23 | March 8, 2006 at 6:59 pm
I heard that Natalie ripped up a picture of George Bush in front of her students while soldiers played ‘America the Beautiful’ in the background as she said “Fight The Real Enemy!”.
Sinead has taught her well.
boobtube | March 8, 2006 at 7:07 pm
so gimmicky. *YAWN*
suzy | March 8, 2006 at 7:10 pm
From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natalie_Portman
Education-
Portman has held a 4.0 GPA throughout her high school and college academic career. She reported on a talk show, “I’d rather be smart than be a movie star” and that her goal was to graduate from college even if it ruined her acting career. Despite her high profile and the affluence of her parents, at 13 she switched (“because I couldn’t stand it anymore”) to the public Syosset High School in Syosset, New York, graduating in June of 1999. Portman reportedly had to miss the premiere of Star Wars: Episode I so she could study for her high school final exams.
After high school, Portman enrolled at Harvard College where she graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Psychology on June 5, 2003. Portman is credited as a research assistant to Harvard Professor Alan Dershowitz’s Case For Israel. She was a research assistant to Dr. Stephen M. Kosslyn’s psychology lab as well. In 2005 Portman pursued graduate studies at Hebrew University in Jerusalem, Israel.
In addition to her native Hebrew and English, Portman has studied and/or can speak (to some degree) French, Japanese, German, and a little Spanish, and she is now learning to speak Arabic. She loves to read and is often found with a book.
As a student, Portman co-authored two research papers which were published in professional scientific journals:
Her 1998 high school paper on the “Enzymatic Production of Hydrogen” earned her a semi-finalist placement in the Intel Science Talent Search [3].
In 2002, she contributed to a study on memory called Frontal Lobe Activation During Object Permanence during her psychology studies at Harvard [4].
aet2008 | March 8, 2006 at 7:10 pm
i was in that class at columbia. actually, that’s the back of my head at the bottom of the photo. though everything movie stars do is some form of publicity stunt, natalie portman’s discussion with our class was interesting and insightful. the class is a political science class on terrorism and counter-terrorism, a subject directly related to her new movie. both her formal education and her role in the film seemed to prepare her well for an academic discussion on these issues. the bottom line in my mind is that it’s pretty cool when mtv cameras poor into your class room and your professor announces that natalie portman will take his place for the rest of the day.
LinguisticAnthro | March 8, 2006 at 7:25 pm
Is Harvard College the same as Harvard University?
The Serial Cynic | March 8, 2006 at 7:32 pm
Natalie Portman is so smart that she doesn’t ever respond to the hundreds of letters I mail her every month. She is so intelligent that she simply communicates with me via Superficial.com postings.
So, to answer you, dear Natalie, the answer is yes. Yes, I will hide naked in your bushes with a light saber and a bottle of Thunderbird. Anything for my love.
downshine | March 8, 2006 at 7:44 pm
natalie portman can come teach any of my classes any day she wants…i’m glad she values her education so much, good for her.
The Serial Cynic, you sound like the superficial guy. are you the superficial guy or just a really good imitatator?
devoe | March 8, 2006 at 7:46 pm
That is the back of my boyfriend’s head, to the bottom left of the photo. I got to go with him to V for Vendetta b/c of that class and it was AMAZING.
emc2027 | March 8, 2006 at 7:47 pm
harvard college is the undergraduate school of harvard university. a university, by definition, is comprised by a number of schools, both graduate/professional and undergraduate. a college, however, is usually just an undergraduate school, though some have added graduate programs.
mikeontheriver | March 8, 2006 at 7:48 pm
Harvard College is the undergraduate part of Harvard University. “Universities” are made up of colleges and graduate schools. I guess you never went to either – dummy.
tito | March 8, 2006 at 7:50 pm
#4, Grphdesi23, are you really so ignorant as to take fragmented sentences from entire interviews and try to use it against the person to disprove their intelligence?
drowningfool | March 8, 2006 at 7:52 pm
As a young child I was once taught that God blessed everyone in different ways. If you were extremely beautiful, you were dumb. If you were ugly, then you had a great personality and you got good grades and would be successfull. Natalie Portman has taught me the reality: God chooses some of his creations to be “super-people”: talented, beautiful and smart. And he chooses others to be the opposite: dumb, fat, ugly and talentless (American Idol auditions anyone?). The latter creations are put on this earth solely for God’s amusement. Like monkeys dancing in funny clothes.
The truth should be taught to kids earlier…thank you for listening everyone…goodnight
Evangelia | March 8, 2006 at 7:54 pm
#7 suzy – are you done kissing natalie’s ass yet?
so she’s smart. so she went to harvard. she should be a professor then, because quite frankly she is one of the worst actresses in hollywood. her performance in garden state was so annoying it made be want to throw something at her oddly-shaped head.
i truly respect the fact that she’s intelligent. i like to read too. but that doesn’t mean i can act, and it doesn’t mean that natalie can either.
hafaball | March 8, 2006 at 8:16 pm
Lol, she may be smart, but in that pic it looks like she’s saying, “I wish my breasts were this big!” Yes, I’m very mature.
tito | March 8, 2006 at 8:18 pm
#17 got hit with the bitter end of the jealousy stick, and the naive end of the Star Wars stick.
prideofchucky | March 8, 2006 at 8:21 pm
I think the camera caught her during the metaphorical portion of her lecture:
“Now, picture if you will-
A girl with BBBIIIIGGGG juggs….”
Nikk The Templar | March 8, 2006 at 8:23 pm
Natalie Portman is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. And by us, I mean guys who are into brainy and beautiful women.
jida | March 8, 2006 at 8:30 pm
#13 – #14
What’s the difference between Harvard College and Harvard University?
Harvard College is a part of Harvard University focusing on educating undergradutes. It is part of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences and offers programs in the liberal arts.
Harvard University refers to the entire educational institution, including the undergraduate college, the graduate and professional schools, research centers, administration, and affiliates.
A list of the schools and major academic units shows some of the hierarchical structure, as does an organizational chart.
http://www.harvard.edu/help/faq_index.html/faq22.html
downshine | March 8, 2006 at 8:39 pm
for someone who calls themselves the “LinguisticAnthro” you would think they would know the difference between a college and a university….
xavierout | March 8, 2006 at 8:39 pm
#8, You go to Columbia and you don’t know the difference between “poor” and “pour”? That makes me giggle!
Yeah, yeah, yeah Portman is hot, smart, etc., etc…
She’s a suprisingly gentle lover and totally open to new things. Bringing in the extra girl was totally her idea. I said no because it would cheapen our bond and the beauty of our lovemaking.
Plus she’s the only girl I know who loves Israel more than me. She told Spielberg, repectfully, that “Munich” was crap. And for that she is my hero. When we make love and she’s looking deeply into my eyes she screams out dirty things in Hebrew. It’s kind of awesome!
MeganHarris | March 8, 2006 at 9:02 pm
She is smarter than me. But this is America, where no one gives a shit.
We give Oscars to Three 6 Mafia, and I love it.
pixel killya | March 8, 2006 at 10:05 pm
Aah…the bachelor’s degree in psychology. I loved my psych classes, even a monkey could get perfect grades. Nothing better for the old gpa than snagging a few psych and sociology credits, highly recommend it.
maggixial | March 8, 2006 at 10:23 pm
Not a surprise she had a 4.0 considering 90% of the students graduate with honors.
http://www.realclearpolitics.com/Commentary/com-3_7_06_TS2.html
Heather | March 8, 2006 at 10:50 pm
#8, you are completely full of shit. And if you’re telling the truth, then you’re one of the bottom-of-the-rung Columbia students. I’ve seen it myself–a few retarded people here at UC Berkeley who somehow make it in based on connections, money, sports, minority status, or doing a shitload of ass-kissing community service in high school. The only person I know who was admitted and went to Columbia is a veritable genius who definitely knows the difference between “pour” and “poor.” I highly doubt that you’re telling the truth, and if it turns out that you are: your hair is gross.
Sister Morphine | March 8, 2006 at 11:00 pm
I love Natalie Portman because she is a genuinely nice person, a great actress and she is very, very smart.
Good on her for doing this, and I bet she had a good time.
ebayfan414 | March 8, 2006 at 11:01 pm
Heehee LMFAO @ the comment above mine about the dirty hair!!!
LindaParson | March 8, 2006 at 11:04 pm
Of course she’s smart- she’s Jewish.
Sheva | March 9, 2006 at 12:55 am
It’s nice that the girl is bright. But after Garden State, I contemplated suicide so I would never ever see it on a rerun.
That and although she was a nice little girl in the professional, I didn’t realize she would grow another inch and gain five pounds to become a smurf.
All smurfs need to die, and die pronto.
Even if she is a smart runt, she needs to lighten the smurf gene pool before it’s too late.
unknownassassin | March 9, 2006 at 1:48 am
sorry to burst your bubbles, but “golden child” natalie portman actually transferred to harvard from the not-so-prestigious tel aviv clown college (haifa satellite campus), where she double-majored in aramaic and hitting arabs in the face with cream pies (kosher, of course), earning a measly 2.35 gpa … the ONLY reason she got in at all is that outgoing harvard president lawrence h. summers happens to be a huge star wars nerd/israeli clown buff. (some speculate that the brewing controversy over her admission ultimately led to his early departure.)
#32–sure, there are plenty of brilliant jewish folks who have made great contributions to society… but here are ten reasons not to jump the gun on that sweeping generalization:
1) corey haim
2) corey feldman
3) dr. laura
4) goldberg (formerly of the wcw)
5) rob schneider
6) dustin diamond (aka “screech”)
7) kathie lee gifford
8) howie mandel
9) geraldo
10) paul wolfowitz
Average | March 9, 2006 at 1:57 am
I respect her for making the most out of her silverspoon :)
She was bad in Star Wars, so was everyone, thats just how they were written. Lucas is just like Tolkien incredible vision, world changing vision, but cant write worth shite.
Not to mention Lucas didnt give the actors any artistic freedom. He has actually conceded to that, its his way or you arent a part of it.
Christensen(New Vader) said “Im gonna get fucked” to Samuel Jackson on the sidelines about Lucas telling him to whine it up, more petulance. (This was taken straight from the official star wars site.)
Cant blame the actors for Star Wars you can only blame Lucas. And considering he changed American cinema forfuckingever, with one movie while only being paid 100,000 for the job I respectfully suggest you to fuck off :D
Iouliana | March 9, 2006 at 2:34 am
i am a student who is busting her ugly, talentless ass to get into some law school. You don’t even realize the extent of my jealousy…why her?? I mean…Can she rub it in my face even more..yes I am not in movies…I don’t have 4.0 GPA…im not a size 2…goddamn…where’s that bottle of vodka…it won’t tell me im a failure like natalie does…no it wont! ohhti cutie tootie…nooo it wont aksdhfaksdhf who am i kidding im already drunk…ahahh i love you my cute little vodka bottle….i feel good now…SCREW YOU NATALIE!! go act in some more sappy/nerdy movies!! i hate you!!! oh i wish i were you….
someone…get me a therapist…
Evangelia | March 9, 2006 at 2:44 am
dear tito..
looks like you got “hit with the bitter end of the jealousy stick” (does that even make sense?) You’re the least famous of the jackson siblings, what a shame.
to paraphrase grphdesi, it’s a fucking JOKE. stop talking about jealousy sticks and naive sticks or whatever, and pull that giant stick out of your own ass.
Average | March 9, 2006 at 2:49 am
Iouliana, if its any consolation, I doubt Portman had to bust any ass to get where she is.
TaiTai | March 9, 2006 at 2:55 am
Wow this whole thread is cracking me up. How ironic that it is titled “Natalie Portman is Smarter than You,” and then almost every post that follows has at least one misspelled word or grammatical error. And that includes the main post which I believe should say “palate cleansing” instead of “palette cleansing” unless of course Mr. Superfish has been painting artistic renderings of fat Cheeto-slurping white trash has-beens. Surprisingly, even #25 who chastises Mr. Columbia for not knowing the difference between “poor” and “pour” doesn’t know how to spell surprisingly! Sorry didn’t mean to go all Teacher on you guys, but I think the headline is right. But she is not smarter than meeeeeee, bwwwaaahaahaaaa……
Average | March 9, 2006 at 3:03 am
39. Posted by TaiTai
“Wow this whole thread is cracking me up. How ironic that it is titled “Natalie Portman is Smarter than You,” and then almost every post that follows has at least one misspelled word or grammatical error”
Including yours :)
Fatty Boom-Batty | March 9, 2006 at 3:15 am
#39 How many times did you run your own post in Spell/Grammar Check?
Am I the only one who thought Garden State was a good movie?
What happened to the important issues on this site?…You know, like racism and abortion. Education-schmeducation, and that’s all I have to say about that.
robot_turkey | March 9, 2006 at 3:30 am
Ha! As if any of you stupid cunts are in college (or “university”) or have ever earned a real degree.
Captain Awesome | March 9, 2006 at 4:23 am
Fucking lol @ #3
Niggerinnis | March 9, 2006 at 5:27 am
TaiTai, you lame fuck, chastising people for mispellings (which are more likely just typos) is the the epitome of faggotry. Misspelling a word doesn’t disprove your intelligence, you silly cunt.
hafaball | March 9, 2006 at 5:29 am
I liked Garden State, but the ending was pig shit. And Closer…that was so good!
jennifer11 | March 9, 2006 at 7:38 am
i cannot believe not a single person has said this… so i will…
i’d hit it! i’d hit it right over the professor’s desk. oh yes, i would.
bafongu | March 9, 2006 at 7:49 am
Eye went too a ivy leegue skool too. Eye went to dArtmooTh. Gnatillee shud bea prOud to mak gud Movee’s and bea smart too.
Fatty Boom-Batty | March 9, 2006 at 8:05 am
bafongu You stupid idiot! You spelled something wrong, it’s supposed to be “whendt” not “went” like you spelled it. Some people are so stupid…
Zanna | March 9, 2006 at 9:03 am
People PEOPLE!!! Something has gone wrong…it’s like Civil War has broken out on the Superficial….let’s step back and remember what this site is about….
Now, hold hands take a deep breath and let’s collectively make celebrities CRY!
mcsegeek1 | March 9, 2006 at 9:15 am
Q: Ms. Portman, your breasts are so small. If you were to enlarge them, how big would you want them?
A: (captured in photo) This big!
Patrick | March 9, 2006 at 10:05 am
I attend Columbia, and I can confidently say that despite her talents, Miss Portman is quite the arch-Zionist scumbag. She might be alright on screen, but she doesn’t belong at the front of a college classroom.