Natalie Portman caught with Sean Penn

March 25th, 2009 // 90 Comments

In the biggest liberal conspiracy since the discovery of science, Sean Penn was recently caught making out with Natalie Portman at the Sunset Towers Hotel, according to Star:

“They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms,” an eyewitness tells Star. “They came back about 45 minutes later, and that’s when I saw them making out.”
“There’s a door outside of the hotel’s Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it’s semi-private,” the eyewitness explains. “I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains — and that’s when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves.”

Here’s where I have to question Sean Penn’s manhood: If someone catches you making out with Natalie Portman, you don’t stop EVER. I don’t care if it’s Robin Wright Penn wielding a chainsaw, you keep going, dammit. God knows I would. Padme? — Er, Natalie?

Photos: Getty

  1. koala


  2. koala


  3. koala


  4. Jrz

    But what about Jen-nay?

  5. Anexio

    Now that’s just gross!!

    Why would a young at heart manly stud like Sean Penn dirty himself with a skanky whore slut like Natalie Portman?

    Makes no sense!!

    I’d rather see some Madge Vadge that a story as disgusting as this.


  6. Sean Penn is a PIMP.

  7. That just makes me feel dirty. I think I will go take a bath with Robert Pattinson now

  8. Jrz

    Home-wreckin’, commie-lovin’, little-headed ho.

  9. Erica

    She officially has the worst taste in men in the history of dating.

  10. xyz

    natalie is soooo gorgeous.. and her voice is beautiful as well

    i wish i looked like that

    isnt sean penn married? or is he single ? he seems like a real prick

  11. ama

    @ Erica – AGREE.

    Moby? Sean Penn? Jimmy Fallon? I would do 0% of these men.

    Also, there is no such thing as “semi-private”, celebrities. Learn it, live it, love it.

  12. nichole

    No way. Consider the source. This is bullshit.

  13. KG

    If this is true, then she’s beautiful, smart, and without an ounce of common sense.

  14. sin

    why on earth would an attractive young woman ever be seen with that commie fag?

  15. Who’d want to kiss that ratfaced little fucker.

  16. Sean Penn

    All of you can kiss my ass!

    Normally I have better taste in woman and do a whole lot better than Natalie Portman on a bad day. The fact is, I took pity on this unattractive little whore.

    Yes, I was a bit drunk and I thought, “hey, what the hell. I’ll knock her around a little, throw up on her and then verbally humiliate her then go back downstairs and tell my buds how I banged her and how gross she is.” We all know that’s how real men, like me, treat woman.

    Well, I’m off to punch out a photographer and make myself feel more self-important.

  17. Pin Head

    She looks like pink cotton candy on a stick.

  18. Eye Dr.

    I think it is time for her to go to Len Crafters and get glasses.

  19. It’s pretty messed up on both sides… Maybe that’s the attraction…

  20. lizzy

    okay i understand that she is beautiful and talented, but damn i’ve been saying it for years, this bitch gets around!!!!!! but noooo one ever says anything because she’s so smart and a good-doer and all that shit. whateverrrrr.

  21. Blech!

    according to ‘Star’??? well this MUST be true…

    wow I didn’t even know this site took info from that bullshit magazine
    I might not come back on here… I probably will anyway but…

  22. urf

    # 15, I don’t know which one of them you’re referring to, but I still laughed out loud.

  23. Brian

    I hope her gives her the Chris Brown treatment. Sean Penn is a douche with shoes. He did a great job playing a retard. Maybe because he actually is a retard.

  24. Idontwannamadonna

    Sean Penn is still my hero because he beat up Madonna

  25. Shifty


    I hate Sean Penn.

  26. Pepe La PEWPEW

    Poor Ryan Gos he’s been after her for a while now, oh well Sean Penn is a douche bag to the power of Pew anyways…..

    ALso #14 that was a super bad insult calling someone a commie … I m not going to judge you on the colour of your neck but …….REDNECK !!!

  27. My sources are saying Sean mumbled something about wanting to see some ‘milk duds’
    Ms Portman misunderstood. But when she arrived upstairs she soon realized Penn wasn’t referring to seeing zany out-takes from his last film – and the confusion was quickly cleared up.

  28. Amy

    Sean Penn looks like a rat-faced jizz guzzler. I am a fan of Natalie, but if this is true, she has lost major points. I think I vomited a little thinking about it.

  29. Cash

    Well fuck, there goes my crush on her. Here I thought she was super smart too. Oh well.

  30. Frank N Stein

    I want to eat her Mezuzah

  31. whatever, yo

    I do not believe that for one moment.

    Maybe they were together because they’re currently signed on to do the same movie? Maybe they were meeting each other?

    I don’t think for a second those two would hook up.

  32. Harry

    How could this story be bogus, with all the facts provided? (snark)

  33. TheSmartOne

    Why is it that no matter who cheats its always the woman’s fault? HE is the married man! not her! HE should know better. HE should be more responsible. its HIS fault not hers. she is a beautiful single gal, SHE can do whom ever she chooses. HE IS MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  34. testing

    eeeew he is gross, I expect this crap from Lohan but not Portman

    then again she dated Moby for like two years so there is no accounting for taste

  35. SOS


  36. A

    Man, what a whore Sean Penn is, that ratfaced dude really does get around. His wife better smarten up, divorce his disrespectful skinny ass and take him to the cleaners. As for Natalie Portman, she can do no wrong in my book, although this does bring questions to what possessed her to kiss that ugly faggot.

  37. Amaranth

    Sean Penn must die for tainting up Natalie

  38. Eclispe

    if it’s true…maybe these women just fall for damaged “bad-boy” persona, plus he is kind of buff (arms)

  39. Galtacticus

    Winning an Oscar means probably lotta girls! I wonder if a Pullitzer has the same effect!?

  40. someone is crazy

    I knew she was a dog, I didn’t know she was that much of a dog.

  41. Sean Oberly


  42. someone is crazy

    I don’t believe it. She is probably soaking in the controversy and he loves everyone thinking he hit that even though he didn’t. She is closer to his son’s age than him. Plus she’s Jewish and would never wear a Burkha.

  43. Norman Parker

    Sean Penn is an absolute idiot who thinks he makes a difference with his gay art films and visits to dictators….not to mention he is ugly as sin. No female with self-respect, a clean vagina AND a brain would have anything to do with that dirtbag.

  44. Yeah shes a delight, very few chicks can get away with being a chrome dome!

  45. mensa

    yeah, i agree with #21, i call bullshit on this one…

  46. Venom

    I used to have the biggest crush on her.
    Now, no more, ever.

  47. Natalie's love interest

    Simply not true. Star? Come on….

  48. Rhialto

    She looks pretty hot to me! It’s no wonder that a guy like Sean Penn buried his tongue deep inside her!

  49. Billy

    Agreed #47. Used to have a major crush on her. But if this turns out to be true, I’m going to vomit. There’s no excuse for swapping spit with a douche-bag like Sean Penn. The guy is the most disgusting, self-righteous, pompous, talentless, fucked in the face son of a diseased whore I’ve ever seen. Just gross.

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