In the biggest liberal conspiracy since the discovery of science, Sean Penn was recently caught making out with Natalie Portman at the Sunset Towers Hotel, according to Star:
“They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms,” an eyewitness tells Star. “They came back about 45 minutes later, and that’s when I saw them making out.”
“There’s a door outside of the hotel’s Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it’s semi-private,” the eyewitness explains. “I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains — and that’s when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves.”
Here’s where I have to question Sean Penn’s manhood: If someone catches you making out with Natalie Portman, you don’t stop EVER. I don’t care if it’s Robin Wright Penn wielding a chainsaw, you keep going, dammit. God knows I would. Padme? — Er, Natalie?
koala | March 25, 2009 at 3:47 pm
first!!
koala | March 25, 2009 at 3:48 pm
first!!
koala | March 25, 2009 at 3:48 pm
first!!
Jrz | March 25, 2009 at 3:50 pm
But what about Jen-nay?
Anexio | March 25, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Now that’s just gross!!
Why would a young at heart manly stud like Sean Penn dirty himself with a skanky whore slut like Natalie Portman?
Makes no sense!!
I’d rather see some Madge Vadge that a story as disgusting as this.
NASTY!!!
RichPort's Ghost | March 25, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Sean Penn is a PIMP.
FRIST!!! | March 25, 2009 at 3:56 pm
That just makes me feel dirty. I think I will go take a bath with Robert Pattinson now
Jrz | March 25, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Home-wreckin’, commie-lovin’, little-headed ho.
Erica | March 25, 2009 at 3:58 pm
She officially has the worst taste in men in the history of dating.
xyz | March 25, 2009 at 3:59 pm
natalie is soooo gorgeous.. and her voice is beautiful as well
i wish i looked like that
isnt sean penn married? or is he single ? he seems like a real prick
ama | March 25, 2009 at 4:02 pm
@ Erica – AGREE.
Moby? Sean Penn? Jimmy Fallon? I would do 0% of these men.
Also, there is no such thing as “semi-private”, celebrities. Learn it, live it, love it.
nichole | March 25, 2009 at 4:04 pm
No way. Consider the source. This is bullshit.
KG | March 25, 2009 at 4:09 pm
If this is true, then she’s beautiful, smart, and without an ounce of common sense.
sin | March 25, 2009 at 4:10 pm
why on earth would an attractive young woman ever be seen with that commie fag?
GuyHolly | March 25, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Who’d want to kiss that ratfaced little fucker.
Sean Penn | March 25, 2009 at 4:11 pm
All of you can kiss my ass!
Normally I have better taste in woman and do a whole lot better than Natalie Portman on a bad day. The fact is, I took pity on this unattractive little whore.
Yes, I was a bit drunk and I thought, “hey, what the hell. I’ll knock her around a little, throw up on her and then verbally humiliate her then go back downstairs and tell my buds how I banged her and how gross she is.” We all know that’s how real men, like me, treat woman.
Well, I’m off to punch out a photographer and make myself feel more self-important.
Pin Head | March 25, 2009 at 4:12 pm
She looks like pink cotton candy on a stick.
Eye Dr. | March 25, 2009 at 4:14 pm
I think it is time for her to go to Len Crafters and get glasses.
Sharla | March 25, 2009 at 4:14 pm
It’s pretty messed up on both sides… Maybe that’s the attraction…
http://internetmiscellanea.blogspot.com/
lizzy | March 25, 2009 at 4:16 pm
okay i understand that she is beautiful and talented, but damn i’ve been saying it for years, this bitch gets around!!!!!! but noooo one ever says anything because she’s so smart and a good-doer and all that shit. whateverrrrr.
Blech! | March 25, 2009 at 4:31 pm
according to ‘Star’??? well this MUST be true…
wow I didn’t even know this site took info from that bullshit magazine
I might not come back on here… I probably will anyway but…
urf | March 25, 2009 at 4:34 pm
# 15, I don’t know which one of them you’re referring to, but I still laughed out loud.
Brian | March 25, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I hope her gives her the Chris Brown treatment. Sean Penn is a douche with shoes. He did a great job playing a retard. Maybe because he actually is a retard.
Idontwannamadonna | March 25, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Sean Penn is still my hero because he beat up Madonna
GuyHolly | March 25, 2009 at 4:37 pm
# 22…*wink*
Shifty | March 25, 2009 at 4:41 pm
NOOOOOoooooOooooooooOooOoooooooooooooo!
I hate Sean Penn.
Pepe La PEWPEW | March 25, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Poor Ryan Gos he’s been after her for a while now, oh well Sean Penn is a douche bag to the power of Pew anyways…..
ALso #14 that was a super bad insult calling someone a commie … I m not going to judge you on the colour of your neck but …….REDNECK !!!
Binky | March 25, 2009 at 4:43 pm
My sources are saying Sean mumbled something about wanting to see some ‘milk duds’
Ms Portman misunderstood. But when she arrived upstairs she soon realized Penn wasn’t referring to seeing zany out-takes from his last film – and the confusion was quickly cleared up.
Amy | March 25, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Sean Penn looks like a rat-faced jizz guzzler. I am a fan of Natalie, but if this is true, she has lost major points. I think I vomited a little thinking about it.
Cash | March 25, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Well fuck, there goes my crush on her. Here I thought she was super smart too. Oh well.
Frank N Stein | March 25, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I want to eat her Mezuzah
whatever, yo | March 25, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I do not believe that for one moment.
Maybe they were together because they’re currently signed on to do the same movie? Maybe they were meeting each other?
I don’t think for a second those two would hook up.
Harry | March 25, 2009 at 4:55 pm
How could this story be bogus, with all the facts provided? (snark)
TheSmartOne | March 25, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Why is it that no matter who cheats its always the woman’s fault? HE is the married man! not her! HE should know better. HE should be more responsible. its HIS fault not hers. she is a beautiful single gal, SHE can do whom ever she chooses. HE IS MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
testing | March 25, 2009 at 5:03 pm
eeeew he is gross, I expect this crap from Lohan but not Portman
then again she dated Moby for like two years so there is no accounting for taste
SOS | March 25, 2009 at 5:13 pm
eyebrows…
A | March 25, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Man, what a whore Sean Penn is, that ratfaced dude really does get around. His wife better smarten up, divorce his disrespectful skinny ass and take him to the cleaners. As for Natalie Portman, she can do no wrong in my book, although this does bring questions to what possessed her to kiss that ugly faggot.
Amaranth | March 25, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Sean Penn must die for tainting up Natalie
Eclispe | March 25, 2009 at 5:42 pm
if it’s true…maybe these women just fall for damaged “bad-boy” persona, plus he is kind of buff (arms)
Galtacticus | March 25, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Winning an Oscar means probably lotta girls! I wonder if a Pullitzer has the same effect!?
someone is crazy | March 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm
I knew she was a dog, I didn’t know she was that much of a dog.
Sean Oberly | March 25, 2009 at 6:00 pm
GROSS OUT! GAG ME WITH A SPOON!
someone is crazy | March 25, 2009 at 6:07 pm
I don’t believe it. She is probably soaking in the controversy and he loves everyone thinking he hit that even though he didn’t. She is closer to his son’s age than him. Plus she’s Jewish and would never wear a Burkha.
Norman Parker | March 25, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Sean Penn is an absolute idiot who thinks he makes a difference with his gay art films and visits to dictators….not to mention he is ugly as sin. No female with self-respect, a clean vagina AND a brain would have anything to do with that dirtbag.
Rough Daddy | March 25, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Yeah shes a delight, very few chicks can get away with being a chrome dome!
mensa | March 25, 2009 at 6:55 pm
yeah, i agree with #21, i call bullshit on this one…
Venom | March 25, 2009 at 6:56 pm
I used to have the biggest crush on her.
Now, no more, ever.
Natalie's love interest | March 25, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Simply not true. Star? Come on….
Rhialto | March 25, 2009 at 7:08 pm
She looks pretty hot to me! It’s no wonder that a guy like Sean Penn buried his tongue deep inside her!
Billy | March 25, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Agreed #47. Used to have a major crush on her. But if this turns out to be true, I’m going to vomit. There’s no excuse for swapping spit with a douche-bag like Sean Penn. The guy is the most disgusting, self-righteous, pompous, talentless, fucked in the face son of a diseased whore I’ve ever seen. Just gross.