Natalie Portman can learn from Paris Hilton? Ouch

February 14th, 2008 // 153 Comments

Paris Hilton could teach Natalie Portman a thing or two about launching a shoe line. While Paris actually pressed the flesh and possibly infected a small child, Natalie Portman decided to play diva at her own shoe launch by showing up 45 minutes late, according to Page Six:

She gave 15 minutes of interviews before going back into hiding. Guests waited impatiently while sipping on Casa Lapostolle wines, which Portman chose because they are organic and biodynamic to go along with her vegan shoe line. The actress returned, reports a spy, “However, she showed up with only five minutes remaining before the party ended.”

Vegan shoe line? Are they made of tofu? Please. I don’t need hippie/diva Natalie Portman telling me what kind of shoes to wear. If I want to tie a pork chop to each of my feet, that’s my right to look rugged and awesome. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go to the butcher shop for some mutton loafers. I’ve got a hot date tonight and I want to look fancy as hell, son.

Photos: Getty Images

  1. The Ex



    Her smiles always look like she’s in some kind of pain.

  3. The Ex

    OMG! I was 1st for the 1st time. Made my fuckin Valentine’s

  4. Adolf H.

    Her shoes should be made out of the skin of her family.

  5. tight lipped smiler

    I bet her dress/elf outfit is made by the children of Malayasian sex slaves. And it totally violates the no-more-than-1-yard of animal print rule that everybody but hos know.

  6. Racer X

    I agree, she does have a weird smile.

    /looks like the shoe is on the other hand

  7. Auntie Kryst

    The whole process is vegan from Natalie the spokesperson, the shoes themselves, and the manufacturing process. The Burmese children that work in the shoe factory are only fed water and 1/2 bowl of rice a day.

  8. Carnie Vor

    This isn’t news. All vegans are neurotic and self-centered.

  9. chenush

    ewww she has no style! her shirt pants…shoes… so ugly!!!!

  10. Jennifer

    She was said to have a personal account on ‘BillionaireCupid dot com’ club with her hot pictures and blogs there. The site is getting hotter and hotter, cuz quite a few millionaires and celebrities tend to go there.

  11. deaconjones

    Christ, look at how bad she looks over such a short time from going Vegan

    Vegans look worse than raging alcoholics, they preach how everything in food is bad for you, eat pasta and beans, blow up like whales, become anemic, and then look like shit

  12. Is it just me or is Natalie Portman TOOOOOO good.

    I think somewhere behind that facade is the dark side with a greater Evil than Darth Vader could ever imagine.

  13. vamoose

    Who wears an animal print top to a launch of their vegan shoe line?

  14. Ah, the old “I’m vegan and that is somehow supposed to be important” media trick. “Vegan” shoes are just any old crappy shoe that is not made out of leather (or any animal products). Instead they construct crappy shoes, in crappy overseas factories using crappy child labor. Yeah, save the animals!! Enslave the children.

  15. D. Richards (Saint.)

    Natalie Portman has the eyes of an emotional wreck. Her body’s posture is rigid and she’s uncomfortable; She’d be a clinger. No doubt.

    I already placed my order for a pair of ‘Portman’s fabulous shoe socks’ for three-hundred and sixty five dollars. I plan on tucking my cock in to my ass, wearing them once, to dinner, then saturating them in gasoline and setting them on fire. Then, maybe I’ll take a warm bath and read a little Danielle Steel.

    Ya’ know, whatever.

  16. Dick Dicks (Head.) (Shaft.) (Balls.) (Shaven.) (Uncut.)

    #4! Ha-Ha-Ha!

    Please, come back more often.

  17. Go_Away

    Midget convention must have gone long and made her late for her own opening.

  18. Her shoes look boring. I can’t wait until she does of malnutrition.

  19. she is si beautiful. i like her very)
    and happy valentines day to everyone

  20. Jesse

    Funny how there are several comments here about vegans having really loud opinions and being overbearing negative, yet every nasty comment is being made against vegans. As annoying as peta and it’d can be, the negativity towards veggies is just as loud and unwarranted.

  21. One Eyed Wonder Worm

    Screw the shoes. I want to bend that little doll over and plant some vegan friendly seeds….

  22. feg

    vamoos took the words right out of my mouth.

  23. Hecubus

    Don’t you fools get it ????? The meat and Fur industries pool their money together to hire the services of these douche actors and actresses to act so douchelly while promoting their vegan shit that it makes us all want to run out, buy a fur coat and chow down on a huge steak. It’s a conspiracy I tells ya. Oh and yeah, Natalie Portman needs to shut up and become twelve again so I can go back to jerking off to her.

  24. Dr. SuperFish (ob-gyn)

    Patient: Jesse
    Diagnosis: Douchebagus Giganticus Veganis
    Treatment: Muscle relaxants to loosen up that chronically constricted sphincter; veal cutlet sandwich for lunch

  25. Cap'n Pickles

    19? Karina? May you have a wonderful valentines day as well. May you and Natalie prance thru a field of daisies and dance the dance of the hopefull and optimistice meatless vegan pixies. Then may you lift Natalie in the air in a celbration of beauty, only to break her brittle, milk free bones like twigs. As her broken body lands upon the daisies, they pierce thru her thin, malnourished flesh, turning her into a human daisy chia pet. Then you will think to yourself, “That serves you right for being such a sanctimonious, preachy little diva cunt.”

    ah yes. What will you think of her skinny, pasty beauty then karina?

  26. Auntie Kryst

    @19 Y tu tambien Karina)

  27. Ed

    For an angry lesbian midget, she’s done pretty well. Maybe she IS a decent actress.

  28. Fat Black Woman

    Happy Valentimes Day!

  29. Mike

    Unlike Paris, Portman isn’t a media whore who needs the attention to survive. She probably wanted to do these shoes because she was paid nicely and it was a fun project, and does the promotion reluctantly because it’s an unfortunate part of it.
    Paris probably did it ONLY so she could be out promoting the shoes, and doesn’t give a damn about anything involving the design or anything else.

  30. Yahweh

    Hello Natalie. My name is Yahweh. You killed my son. Prepare to die.

  31. Cap'n Pickles

    Then you will take Jesse in tow, and teach him the ways of love. Unfortunately, Jesse’s vegan commitments have made it quite impossible for him to insert his shriveled, necrotic one inch lust twig into your gaping tunnel of sugary vegan dessert. However will this passionate affair turn out, Karina?

  32. Jesse

    Thank you Dr Superfish for helping to prove my point.

  33. ming

    apparently vegans can still drink whine (jesse)

  34. Dave

    Jesse, I’m so sorry that we upset and disappoint you. How can we make you feel better? I know…here’s a “hotdog”…open wide…

  35. The Office Whore

    I like veggies!! What would a bloody mary be without the garden??

  36. Tim

    An ex-virgin?

  37. Gerald_Tarrant

    “her vegan shoe line”

    You mean her shoes don’t eat meat/animal products? Thank god. My last pair of shoes ate my neighbors dog.

    And Jesse, veggies are fine. Vegans are the freaks. Every vegan I have ever met has to throw it in everyone’s face that they are vegan and don’t eat anything that casts a shadow.

  38. Kelly W.

    I can’t believe how ignorant you all are in this comment area. I am vegan and am neither bloated or sick. To care about the plight of all living beings, ANIMAL and HUMAN is to see the world for what it really is in life. You all need to go and get an education instead of jerking off and making fun of people that do good things for this world.

  39. sandra

    Natalie always looks so uncomfortable and self-conscious in all her photos and movies. She should have chosen a different career. But there is nothing wrong with being a vegetarian or a vegan, no matter what the pork rind industry tells you.

  40. Erin

    Well, I’m not afraid to put my voice out there with Jesse. You all can respond with your witty, “I love PETA — people eating tasty animals” comments along with your offers of veal cutlets and fur coats. Or your skewed assumptions that because one believes in the ethical treatment of animals that one must automatically believe in the maltraitment of humans.

    I think it’s great what Natalie is doing, although she could’ve been a little more dedicated in promoting it… Why do you all have to hate on it so much? What’s so wrong with not wanting to wear cow skin on your feet? Lighten up.

  41. Erin

    @37 – just FYI

    Vegan shoes mean that they’re not made from animal byproducts (i.e. leather from cows). The shoes, indeed, do not eat meat/fish either.

  42. Gerald_Tarrant

    Don’t eat meat. I don’t care what you eat. Do me the same favor. Don’t worry about what I eat. Vegetarians don’t, vegans do.

  43. Rick

    Jesse/Kelly/sandra/Erin (obviously all the same person) – you’re only showing, yet again, that vegans are humorless. Pretend I’m Terri Schiavo (a vegetable) and eat me.

  44. D. Richards (Porterhouse.)

    #38? Yeah, you’re right, there are no carnivores in the Animal Kingdom. Eating meat is unnatural. Not to mention bad for you (especially your bones).

    All animals love one another. The world’s a beautiful place. Love, man.

    You know that when you eat flowers — or oats, tree bark, shrubbery, whatever you filthy vegans eat — they were all living. The sun was shining and the plants were blowing in the warm summer’s breeze; they were talking about the clouds — look, that one look’s like a cow; that one reminds me of my mother! It was a beautiful day in the field. Then the ground began to shake and a man appeared.

    The man smelled like a closet. He was wearing a hemp shirt, beige capri cargo pants with a draw-string at the bottom of each leg, and disgusting sandals; he hummed a Doobie Brother’s song as he came along pulling up all of the happy little plants by their roots: he killed them. You killed them.

  45. well

    11- i hate vegans.. but they wouldn’t eat pasta. it is made from eggs.

  46. Plobes

    If we’re not meant to wear animals, why are they made of fur?
    If we’re not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of juicy, delicious meat?
    If we’re supposed to listen to Natalie Portman, why is she made of polyester leopard print and soy?

  47. Erin

    D. Richards – If it’s the right of plants to live that you care about, again, you shouldn’t eat meat. The amount of plants used to raise farm animals is hugely disportionate to the amount of vegetables humans would consume to survive.

  48. steve

    I’m quite sure that vegans don’t expect to convert anybody here. It’s pure compulsion – recite the dogma, humorlessly, even if you’re at a site explicitly designed for people to fuck around and have fun. But then again, all the zealots are like that – vegans, PETA folks, Scientologists, AA people, patients with severe cataracts (“Jennifer Love Hewitt isn’t fat!”)…

  49. Vader

    I guess if she’s vegan then that means I don’t have to worry about eating her out, I can just fuck her from behind. Damn she’s got nice legs.

  50. Cap'n Pickles

    Kelly slowly lifted her head from between Erin’s legs, showing the audience her moist, sticky lips. “Mmmmm, that’s the kind of milky meat I like to eat” she cooed as the donkey brayed behind her.

    You see, Kelly’s vast knowledge of everything there was to know had brought her to this Tiujuana donkey show. In a true epiphany she had experienced the week prior, right in the middle of advanced vegan-knows-everything class, she realized what she needed to do. She would show her true love for animals.

    Nude, Kelly got underneath the excited Donkey, threw her emaciated arms around it’s back, and straddled…………….

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