Natalie Portman Let Benjamin Thousand Legs Knock Her Up Again
Because I know my audience, I’m going to assume most of you stopped following Natalie Portman’s career after The Professional. Which, while gross, was actually pretty smart because there were these things called the prequels, and you know what? Never mind. Forget I said anything. Anyway, at one point, she had a baby with some French ballet guy who she later married under the cover of darkness. They named that kid Aleph, and now she’s pregnant with a second child, so just assume they’re going to name this one something like Marsupial Winged Lord Feet, but it’s smelled with four Y’s and a plate of cheese.