Here’s Why You Saw Natalie Portman Looking Crazy Hot At The Texas/Baylor Game

If you caught the Texas/Baylor game Saturday, you probably found yourself wondering, “Why am I looking at super-stacked Natalie Portman with blonde hair blocking Mama June’s vagina?” Turns out she was in town filming that new Terrence Malick movie where she’s Sookie Stackhouse. And just to keep this post educational, not only did her breasts look awesome, so did her butt because real talk, bros, women are more than just front meat. They’re human beings, with butts. On that note, be sure to scope out Benjamin Thousandfeet watching his wife work with a handsome Irishman with an eight-foot-long cock. Sure, it’s probably really cool in the bedroom, but can it dance The Nutcracker?! (This is the part where I like to picture Centipede pirouetting in the grass while his son yearns for a father who always has rope ready for a tire swing, in his pants.)