Natalie Portman Has That Motherly Glow

February 11th, 2011 // 112 Comments

Here’s Natalie Portman bursting out of an office building with a face full of murder yesterday while Benjamin Millipied takes his sweet old time behind her. This guy seems a little too aloof for a balding ballet instructor who got a chance to bang Natalie Portman, only to do it all wrong by ejaculating into her vagina. I understand women like a man who’s confident, but I also understand they couldn’t tell you what they want if you held a pair of shoes to their head. So you might want to make with some ice cream or stop talking on your phone even though both are going to be the wrong choice because she really just wanted you to listen three months ago when she asked if the toaster looked crooked, you fucking asshole. GOD.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    Our fearless writer has spent time around pregnant women.

  2. Natalie Portman
    Big foot bunny
    Commented on this photo:

    Uh oh. Someone just realized they’re having a baby.

  3. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    Uh, I don’t know much about their relationship, but this is not a good snippet in time. Esp. because she has the money. RUN, NATALIE, RUN!!!

  4. Natalie Portman
    Mike Walker
    Commented on this photo:

    Strange forehead texture…

  5. burton

    shes having the MILLIPIED baby,lol…

  6. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    why does she need a man shes rich!!!!

  7. dsoido

    fuckkk she looks so much like my cousin it’s not even funny. (we are ukrainians!!) so nice try pretending to be a semite, natalie

    • Billy Bob

      I hope you are fucking your cousin. If she’s as hot as Natalie you would be a fool not to.

    • jew

      ukrainians are one of the worst looking people, no offense but I’ve been there and from what I saw – they look a lot like Polish, pale washed out and usually have long noses. if you’re cousin does look like Natalie – nice try pretending to be a goy :)

      • Jovy

        A Jew trash talking the Polish? Really? You sure you have a pass for that? Does anyone have Mel Gibson’s number?

  8. Lux

    Still crazy, ridiculously hot. I think she looks great.

  9. Entre Nous

    Black Swan? More like blackheads

  10. mikey

    awesome. dumb bitch.

  11. wim

    …………… occurs to ya?

  12. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    Ah, pregnancy hormones.. they’re a bitch. I had the WORST acne of my life while pregnant. As if feeling like a beached whale wasn’t bad enough. Ugh. At least I got beautiful babies out of it, so it was ultimately worth it…
    Natalie’s beautiful and her baby will be too. :)

  13. Big Lola

    The Separation and divorce is imminent,it’s gonna be ugly when it happens. :D

  14. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    ok guys on her skin – SHE’S EFFIN PREGNANT FOR GOD’S SAKE! Hormones go all wonky and wreak havoc.

    As far as the “face full of murder” (excellent quote btw), I can only assume that the Millipede had to stop drugging her because of the pregnancy, and she has now realised what she is dating…

  15. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    isn’t she lovely ….ahahaaa

  16. XFX

    Dear God she’s even hotter when she’s angry!

  17. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    She just found out that her man is gay.

  18. FishNChips

    If all women had an angry face like this, the life expectancy for men would go up by 15 yrs, the hole in the ozone layer would heal itself, and we’d all be driving around in flying cars.

  19. That’s the face of a woman who is starting to realise she has been seduced and impregnated by a colossal douche, who will soon be a bald colossal douche.

    There is zero chance Benny Thousand Feets is going to remain loyal to her, if he even has up to this point. He’s knocked up one of the most desired women in the world. He’s got a parade of smokin hot ballet dancers around him all the time, who would kill for any role he’ll grant them. And he’s driven a nation of star wars nerds to suicidal depression that a ballet choreographer had his lightsaber tuned by Padme.

    There’s nothing left for him to gain by pretending he gives a shit about anything that concerns Natalie Portman.

  20. ohnoes

    Oh no at first I thought it was Hilary Swank. That was scary.

  21. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    The cameraman was probably saying obnoxious stuff to her and she understandably looks pissed off.

  22. David Letterman

    top 3 reasons natalie portman is mad:
    #3. Dropped a penny. Couldn’t find it.
    #2. Katy Perry lied. Proactive doesn’t work.
    #1. Realized she was touched inappropriately by Jar Jar Binks. Will sue both actor and CGI to double her money.

  23. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    I can not stand her, as an actor she is ok, but she is one of these snooty actors that doesnt liked being photographed because we should just think ourselves lucky that we get to view her “art” yeah any movie with Ashton Kutcher in it is art! Wake up to yourself you spoilt little brat and be kind to your fans without them you are nothing!

  24. Natalie Portman
    Jim Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet someone is giving serious consideration to that coat hanger now.

  25. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    you do not talk shit about natalie portman, website

  26. Officelinebacker

    jeeez Hillary Swank looks hot.

  27. Natalie Portman
    Commented on this photo:

    @burton: Well I heard a rumor once that every so often a woman marries for something other than money, but it is probably crazy and not as reliable as whatever you read on askmen or the xtube comments section.

  28. JUST1

    “I also understand they couldn’t tell you what they want if you put a pair of shoes to their head”

    So now you’re invoking domestic battery imagery in the name of humour? Of course I’m using ‘humour’ in the loosest sense since this site ceased being funny about 2 years ago.

    • That was a joke about holding shoes, something women love more than anything, in front of them and them still not being sure what they want.

      Obviously it failed because I had to explain it, so my bad on that one.

  29. Natalie Portman
    Rich Razzputinn
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently that devilish “millipede” had all the right moves

  30. Natalie Portman
    Bill Green
    Commented on this photo:

    She a cunt

  31. William Bale

    Natalie Portman a horrible actress and isn’t interesting enough to watch suffer for two hours. I’ve never believed her in a single role. She evokes no emotional response in me beyond, “Oh, there’s Natalie Portman.” She doesn’t overact or underact; she just stands around with whatever the appropriate expression for the scene seems to be on her sweet, pretty, childlike face. If there’s something going on behind that face, I neither know nor care what it is. She’s dramatically inert and she’s a red hot cunt.

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