Long Weekend Recap and Some Bikini Things

I expected to emerge from my four day pork-induced coma to find that all of Hollywood had self-immolated whilst having sex with every ex’s ex they’ve ever known… but no. That would make my job too easy. Instead I come to find that there’s a teacup puppy scandal and the History Channel is trying to claim that the Japanese killed Amelia Earhart based off a picture where her back is turned to the camera.

Seriously? Four days gone and that’s it? Even Shia LaBeouf looks surprisingly well-composed. WHAT’S GOING ON HERE!