Naomi Campbell throws money, not phones, at Katrina victims

Naomi Campbell, the by-nature misanthropic (read: violently ill-tempered) British supermodel, has raised eyebrows by appearing in news headlines that don’t include the words “assault,” “severe tissue damage,” or “out of the Gates of Hell to feast on the blood of the living and all who wear dresses similar to hers.” Instead, Campbell is reportedly donating the entire sum of her New York Fashion Week earnings to the American Red Cross in a effort to aid victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Wow. What a touching and altruistic gesture with no ulterior motive whatsoever. Aging and notoriously difficult supermodels are such a hot commodity, I know, but by demanding that designers pay her salary to a charity and not to her is a very risky move. Everyone knows that designers wish for their money to go straight to financing their models’ cocaine habits and never to needy victims of natural disaster. No, Naomi, don’t do it. You’ll never get jobs and publicity this way! For once think of yourself and not of others! Oh, Naomi. You’re such a bleeding heart. Oh no, wait. That’s somebody else’s blood on your shirt. Nevertheless.